Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Knocking yourself up and a Daddy of the Year

The Dude Abides

There are a number of options available to the modern woman who wishes to knock herself up. For instance, you could make friends with a certain leisurely gentleman, like the one pictured above. He appears virile and would not require any further emotional entanglements after the deed is done. (for extra credit, what were other reasons she choose The Dude?)

If you do not wish to have any contact with a male, you could try a sperm bank. Or, you can order sperm online and have it delivered to your door. That's right, comes right to your door. You insert the sperm yourself. It is the ultimate in DIY pregnancy or knocking yourself up. click here for more details.

I understand why women go to these lengths to get knocked up. It is a mighty need, this need to grow big and swollen with baby.

author with two weeks left to go. (on a personal note here, dayum!)

I wonder about these women that order the sperm online or mate with the Dude. If I were to meet them, I would give a big hug. Then I would hold the babies and shed tears of happiness. Because no matter how babies got here, the best way to come into the world is really, really wanted.

I thought about this as both my kids were sick last week. Full on sick with 101 temps, snotty noses, coughing, headache, belly aches . . and sicky eyes.

If you don't have kids, here are what sicky eyes look like:

Despite the sicky eyes, she still retains her sense of humor :)

I hold up well while tending to my sick children. I have an acceptance of fever, snotty nose, whimpering, crying and cough cough cough. They are like old friends. And dealing with throw up/diarrhea? Come on, that's amateur hour!

However, last week was week two of the sicky. The sicky had gotten to the absolute WORST LEVEL OF SICKY. Listless sicky.

Listless is the worse. They just sat there, little hot couch potatoes, not eating the brownies I made. Mac stopped showing interest in drinking. Started having dry diapers. Would only sip when coached. Pancake just breathed heavy, her lips all cracked from mouth breathing. Hot fever breath. And yes, I had brought them to the doctor (just a virus-no ear infection, no pneumonia).

Irregardless of what kind of mom I am, I only have a certain amount of fortitude. When your children are sick you feel all of it. It's like an invisible boa constrictor wrapped around your torso. As their sickness wears on, the grip gets tighter and tighter, squeezing the life out of my emotional control.

The problem is, I am tending to my sick kids, so I don't realize how close I am to losing it.

Luckily, I have someone who recognizes when he is needed.

Mr. Hall recognizes and responds. When he was driving up, Mac's fever broke. He got up from the couch and preceded to eat his own weight in food and poop/pee like a champ. Pancake began to demand grilled cheese sandwiches. I began to breathe.

The next day, while I am work for the first time that week, it being thursday, I get a call from school. Mac has a rash. His fever is still down, still eating/drinking and running around all crazy toddler like. But the rash is all over his body.

I make a phone call to Mr. Hall. Help, I say.

Sure babe, be right there, love you, he says.


This is what Daddy's do.

Mr. Hall is Daddy of the year.

We are all better now, all fixed. :)

12 Left a message at the beep:

James said...

Not the point of your story I know, but one of my kids (Big daughter, 14) always gets the listless type sick when she is ill.
She always has, that is her body's way of dealing with infection I guess. Used to frighten the bejesus out of us. Just lies there all floppy and lifeless for 2 days, will hardly drink, won't eat, going in and out of consciousness. Looks way more serious than it is, she seems on death's door. Then on the 3rd day she starts eating and drinking.

Kid's age you don't they?

Verdant Earl said...

The Dude most definitely abides.

Mrs. Hall said...

James: Man, i hope she wasn't the first kid. I mean, the first kid breaks the parent's in right, that would be a heck of a introduction to listless sicky.

but lord help me.

they do age us. ;)

Earl: My favorite part of that movie is in the very beginning, when the chinaman pushes Lebowski's head into the commode and asks where the money is. Then he lifts his head and the dude says,

Let me take another look, it might be in there.

classic :)

Verdant Earl said...

"Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please." ;)

Big Pissy said...

Awwwww....poor sick babies.

Yep, Mr. Hall is THE MAN!!! ;-)

Mrs. Hall said...

Pissy: Tell me what it is like when they are sick and living outside the house, tell me how it no longer carves huge chunks out of your heart to hear them cough cough cough


Cam said...

The sicky eyes almost broke me down, Mrs.

So glad you all are all better now!

Mrs. Hall said...

Cam: yeah, sicky eyes. blah.


everyone is better now :)

Slyde said...

those are some stupendous pics...

and i think you have more fortitude that you realize..

Mrs. Hall said...

Slyde: yes these pix are amoung the best I have. they blow me away.

and thanks for saying I have more fortitude than I think ;)

Bruce Johnson said...

Cute kids, Super Dad, nice Christmas tree.

I have never had children (I managed to dodge that bullet, somehow), but I have learned a few intersting tips in parenting from keen observation. One of them here here.....I am sure you can relate:

Mrs. Hall said...


You showed me this post already.

I already read this post, commented on it and incorporated it into this post.

The brownies were a nod to your story actually.

What I had offered my kids was a handful of m and m s. And they didn't reach for it.

But a brownie sounded better in the story.

So there ya go!


take care :)

and yes, a mother does know best!

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