Tuesday, May 26, 2015

How to heal a broken back and broken heart

I can't seem to get the photos to load right so imagine what you want.

A sunset?

That's nice.


Two things.


My back is a bit broken from pregnancy. No, I'm not pregnant but when I was--I had back issues. They've now flared up to the point where I can't crossfit properly. THAT SUCKS ASS.

So I went to physical therapy. It helped but didn't fix it.

I went to a chiropractor. That's some awesome right there! Dude is ON IT! Adjusting like a mofo! Laying hands and healing!

It was tough because he said, "Slow down while we fix things. Let it heal before you jump back into box jumps, burpees, clean and jerks and stop doing everything you love." Ok, he didn't say the last part, but it felt like it.

Slow is like crawling buck naked on the side walk. All low crawl, trying not to catch my butt cheeks on the barbed wire.

I feel my back healing. Each week I earn tokens for my penance of rest. This week I can start rowing, doing pull ups, and sit ups. Weight lifting is next and LAWD ALMIGHTY! I cannot wait!!


My heart is broken from foster care life. We're transitioning the little girl back to family. Transition is the point of foster care. To hand them back to family. I've met them. They are nice. They are stable. They are loving and they are family. And. They are willing.

It has been the longest three years of my life. Just when I think I can't enter a new level of hell a whole fresh new door opens up. Or I walk over a square hole in the floor and fall clean through.

I wonder if foster parents ever get use to this. I ask because I know we aren't done.

Which has sparked tears and many a discussion with Mr. Hall. I ask what he wants, what he can do. I tell him what I want, that my heart absolute aches to adopt. There is no two ways about it. I trust him that we were not to adopt the little girl, this was not the plan. He isn't ready.

"It needs to be right. But when it's right, we'll know." He says and I listen. Blinking. (this was last night).

He didn't need to add, "And you can't force things because of your needs." 

Right now my needs are to see the little girl off. Transition to her family. This is going well. It meets her needs as well. Which really, is the most important needs.


I know I said two things. I lied.

What comes next is rest while I heal.  We will stop taking on more kids for six months.

Just be us. Two kids that I pooped out of my vagina and one out of my C-section scar. Just being a family of five.

Slowing. Resting. Letting my heart heal while it rehabs.

Is there a chiropractor for that?

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