Thursday, November 16, 2017

Big ass cats, size 5 snow pants and determing worth

I've become a bit obsessed with Maine Coon Cats. They are big ass cats. F.U. size cats. It's absurd.. This is my life though, big and absurd. Maybe this is why I'm obsessed. I would love to have one of these. But the grooming would drive me insane. There is a whole underground world of big cat people. A lot of Russians and Ukraine breeders. It's a crazy underworld I'm watching from the sidelines. A welcome distraction to say the least.

We had three bonus kids for one week a bit ago. Emergency respite. So that made me a mom of seven. After a week,  we said no more because we were breaking. Their mom gets better than worse than better. So we respite often for the kids. She's super worse now. We said we'd take one longer term. ONE-- because I need to stay sane.  All of which is now turning into discussions of may be adoption. Because mom is not getting better. We're still not done with adopting Melody. And the one may not even come to live with us. So for now-- I save the snow pants that will fit Azure and look up 'how to help kids with swearing'. Cause man. The kid can string profane insults with the skill of an Italian mobster. He's seven.

I've been working on my self worth in therapy. Stepping up and claiming my needs. Which has led me to feel more self worth lately. And more powerful. I've taken charge of Melody's hair. I've stare downed my  self doubt and gotten all up in it's grill. I feel taller. Walk stronger. Amazing how picking out the spaghetti sauce I want  has turned into strength. Strength to sink in and enjoy my very crazy life.


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