Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Removing all doubt

I turned in the last bit of paperwork for our adoption application. I think when we started fostering this was easier. The 75 pages of paperwork, the four home study interviews, producing out taxes, house insurance papers... pet vaccinations. It's a big pile of hey, we are really good parents and are welcoming more kids. Much like spare change, I am spent.

Last weekend our foster daughter, Melody, decided to comb out her dreadlocks. I literally didn't know what to do. So we headed over to her friends' mom and well, they took me in a bit. We sat on uncomfortable chairs while we gently picked out the lint and tangles in her gnarled up dreads. After seven hours and little progress- I was done. I literally couldn't see straight and my back was aching.

I think I had the vision of finally being proficient with her African American hair. It was a way for me to start to claim some power in all of this. Power that reflects my value as a mom to Melody. If there is doubt, I want to remove it. Beyond the hours of mind numbing paperwork, those 7 hours was pure love.

Her real mom doesn't care. She doesn't live on the same planet as us and or our pile of proven goodness. She thinks showing up 3 days a week, taking Melody shopping and out to Panda express proves she's ready to be a full time mom again. She wonders when Melody will come home. Meanwhile, she has yet to find a job or pass regular drug tests. She does not live in reality.

They'll be filing termination of parental rights. I'm not sure it'll go forward though. Being an idiot doesn't mean you're a bad mom. She's just selfish and why should she get a job and pass drug tests? She has us taking care of her kid full time and gets to spoil her 3 days a week. She has a sugar daddy paying all her bills including the state. Meanwhile, I don't register for her. When I see her she looks right through me. I try not to dig too deep into the crazy of it all. If I do, I'll never get out.

This woman. When she drops off Melody, she'll stare at her mom's car as she drives away. Blowing kisses and leaning against the window.

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