Oh Christmas tree, fake Christmas tree . . . .

When Mr. Hall and I started dating, we bought a used Christmas tree. It was ugly and full of webs. We vacummed and loved it. Our first Christmas tree. Some 14 years ago. (aww!!)

Several moves later I got a hankering for a real tree. Mr. Hall as having none of it. "We have a tree. When we've put it up more times then the of number times I've moved it--then we'll get a real one!"

The magic number was four by the way. The tree needed to be up four times before we could get a real tree. I don't think we waited that long though. We bought a real tree this year. It was a great adventure--taking all the kids out and hunting for a real tree.

There is something about my husband that wants to see things through. That once he puts effort in, he'll hold tight and settle in. He has endurance.

I've seen these traits while hunting for a new house. I've seen it with the Christmas tree. I see it now with our foster kids.

We just took 30 hours of foster parent training and boy are my arms tired! Wait! That's not the right joke! We did take 30 hours of foster parent training though. And that is a lot!!!!

The moms of our 2 foster kids are falling the frick apart. Despite many opportunities, services and lots of things handed to them--they aren't doing well. It comes down to their stupid choices. And I'm in no mood to be non-judgemental right now, God forgive me.

But, just like everything else in fosterhood, the next steps take time. People ask, "Why don't you just adopt the kids?" It is not that simple. The moms still have chances. And if the moms are out of chances, the foster kid's family gets asked to adopt first.

Which irritates me. If the other family members were able take care of them, then what the hell have we been doing this past year? This past year (and plus some) we've been tying shoes, making meals, cleaning clothes, wiping noses, reading school reports, addressing behaviors and being mom and dad.

I say to Mr. Hall, "We've put in all this work and now we don't get the reward!"

He says, "The reward is not more kids! The reward is a vacation in the Florida Keys. COSTA RICA MAYBE!! We need a vacation! Which we can't take until we hand these kids back to their moms!"

Which makes sense. The weight of caring for five children is a lot. We are sleep deprived and needy for each other.

But yet... my selfishness. It grows. The need for these kids outweighs my intellect. My knowing family is best for these kids. It doesn't stop my heart from breaking. So sad. So sad.

I say this to Mr. Hall, wanting to adopt these kids. He says, "I want to be a foster parent longer then it took to take those dang classes!"

Just like the Christmas tree . . . :)

Thoughts of which I am not proud (Christmas edition)

There is a lot of angry and bitterness that people have over the holidays. They see the footage of Walmart brawls and salivating kids. They hear the whine of 'I have not enough.' All this black friday garabage can harden anyone. I'm certainly not immune.

I don't like Christmas shopping. But here I am, at walmart looking for the toy pictured above. It's from an Angel tree card. The card is from a Christmas tree at my church. The cards are like letters to Santa, only I'm Santa. They'll never know it though. In fact, I don't know them. The card says " C145/boy age 9/Air hog assault r/c helicopter".  Those are sold out. Other Air Hogs are available. The kid will have to make due.

I move on to the next angel card. My cackles go up. There are 15 things on this card. All specific and name brand. The next card is vague but demanding. I've got five cards total. It's going to be a long day shopping at walmart. Sigh.

My thinking goes sour. Rumination begins. My foster daughter's mom is like this. All about things and things being important. She spends a lot of money on name brand clothes for her daughter, my foster daughter. She doesn't like us, the mom. She doesn't like how we do her baby's hair or how we dress her. She's loud about it too.

Fundamentally, I disagree with buying stuff for stuff's sake. My kids get maybe one or two presents tops. Birthdays presents are sparse, we do things instead of getting things. And that's what I want to say to my foster daughter's mom. The kid doesn't need a mom who can buy her stuff, she needs her mom. I feel a massive build up of stink eye towards her mom.

Feelings are funny things. They're pretty useless though, at least in these cases.

I'm not buying presents for these angel card kids. I'm not being my foster daughter's second mom. I'm showing God's love. I'm letting them know about being saved and letting the love pour through me.

Because that's what Christmas is all about. And the more I focus on that, the less I succumb to bitter and hatred. I let His love fill me till I'm overflowing. That way, I spill all over those angel cards and foster kids.

:)

They really believe in Santa Claus

Last year it was she believes, this year it's both of them.

My daughter believes in Santa. I've tested the waters. Her belief is unflappable. But she is 8. I fear this may be the last year she does believe. It's only a matter of time before some class mate says something. Then she'll ask us. And it will break my heart.

So I savor this year. I hold it so tight. Because this year she believes that Santa comes and brings presents. She also believes in Elves. She leaves little notes and gifts for these elves that live in our house.

They're a cheeky bunch. They'll open her window shade while she sleeps. Or open her dresser drawer after she leaves a room. Those little Elves are so playful . . .

Then my 4 year old son. He believes. Oh how he believes!

Yesterday, he was being naughty at day care. He wouldn't put on his coat for recess. Dropped to the floor and started a fit. Then he was called to the office. There was a phone call for him.

It was Santa!!

Santa said, "Mac . . you need to be a good boy and listen to your teacher. You go put your coat on right away."

Mac said, "OK SANTA!!!" He hung up and tore back to the classroom. Threw on his winter coat and lined up at lightening speed.

It's just so awesome having these little people, seeing the season through their eyes. It just makes everything so magical. So achingly precious. sniff sniff, I love this time of year!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Mrs. Hall discusses her geography

Where I live- it's kind of chilly right now. 5 degrees below zero with 20 inches of snow chilly. But, I don't want to talk about that. Cause, well, meh.

The Tribe Called Hall are an adventurous bunch. We plan on travel and moving and seeing all manner of topography. And here we are, in the flat lands of frozen tundra. In the summer we found all manner of state parks and nature trails. It was fun discovering what I never known about this place. Even though I grew up here. I have moved to my home town.

Then, as I drive home home from work, it is pitch black outside. 5 pm and it's so dark I can't see the inside of my car cause it's so dark outside. As I drive my mind wanders to different living locales. Places where it's not so cold and not so dark. Like Hawaii.

THEN

Last Tuesday, after a mere five minute trip, my parents show up at our new house. And the wee Mac, he hollers, "GRANDMA!!!! GRANDMA'S HERE!!!" And he hops three hops across the living room, landing squarely in her open arms. 10 feet of joy in a 3 foot toddler.

And, for the first time this year (yes, I realize it's December), Mr. Hall and I go out for a actual date. I wore a pretty sweater dress and high heel, knee high boots. It's cold out but this will not stop the fashionable Mrs. Hall!! Over dinner we make lovey dovey eyes at each other and I laughed and laughed. Then I laughed some more. Then we played footsie.

After we got home my parents left. The fact that they can come and go is beyond my wildest dreams. They come, then they go. That's the bees knees my good people.

Then, a few days later, my mother and I attend my daughter's school play. Pancake attends the same elementary school as I did. Which boggles the mind really. I never anticipated moving back here. It's not that I don't like it here, it's just that there are so many other places to see. So many other geographical locations to explore.

And we, my mother and I, we talked. We shared. We talked and shared and talked some more. And it was awesome and good. The blue birdy, she is getting full. ;)

Then, a few days later, I had my own play date. We talked and talked while eating Mongolian food. She's a grown up woman who had traveled and lived in many places. She had tried on each address like a new identity. She was trying to figure out who she was. At this point, she is very sure of who she is. She is a misses with a child. She is very much like me.

Which is a very rare find I must say. And she will, most likely, be my first friend here. Since I've moved back any way. And for this I am thankful. I like her a lot ;)

So this is my task. Not to bemoan the snow and sleet, not to whine about the chilly and cold. But to embrace this place and thrive within it. And I think I will do exactly that!!

Hope you all had a Happy Holiday. For me, it was the warmest ever :)

Ollie Ollie Oxen free, It's Christmas time!!!!

Tomorrow, Christmas eve day, I have a half day. Then I have four days off. Which I feel no small amount of smug righteousness about. Because I've done my time, as a nurse, working every other weekend, every other holiday, mandatory overtime because someone called in on Christmas morning, et cetera.

But I'm all grown up now, nurse practitioner now. So I work a regular schedule. With holidays off, my weeknights off, my weekends off and vacation days too. I cannot tell you how important this is to me. It's freedom my good people. And when I drive home tomorrow at noon I will yell, "Ollie Ollie Oxen Free!! It's CHRISTMAS TIME!!!"

This freedom is most important, because I am there for my kids during Christmas. And Christmas is made for kids.

So much fun will be had in the next few days. Presents, egg nog, chocolate covered cherries, fun with Grandma and Grandpa, the absolute thrill of Santa and his magic, and us, Mr. and Mrs. Hall, sipping coffee while the kids play with their toys. It's everything I've ever wanted and dreamed about. My dreams have come true. Right there, on the living room floor. OUR living room floor, hold on, gotta take a minute here, collect myself, sniff sniff . . .



All of this stuff about Christmas spirit, it means so much to me. It is my time of magic and joy. And Christmas lights. And being so thankful for everything we have. Our family, our kids.

It's almost too much for the human spirit to bear, all this Christmas joy.

I hope everyone feels the joy and magic in the next few days. Enjoy a cup of cheer, watch your favorite Christmas movie and kick back. And don't forget to enjoy some cookies ;)

Merry Christmas to all of you!!

She believes, She really believes in Santa Claus

This post is from last year and it's still very true. :)


This is Santa Claus, checking the list to see if Pancake (my daughter, age 7 and Mac ( my son, age 3)have been naughty or nice. I can guarantee you, they have been good as gold. :)


This year, my daughter believes in Santa Claus. It is a deeper and more elaborate belief than last year.

As we were shopping for sweaters on Sunday, the topic of Santa came up. She would hold up things and say, "I want this for Christmas" and then politely put it back. After two or three times, I said, you need to wait until you see Santa, then you can tell him what you want for Christmas. She came close to me, with a very serious look on her face. Then she whispered, "Mom, he can hear us now, and when you say you want it for Christmas, he knows. He's watching us right now."

I felt a rush of wow, weird and misty eyed. Then, I heartily agreed with her assessment. "Yes, you're right, he can hear us right now." We smiled.

Last night, we went to see Mr. Claus himself. She sat on his lap with her brother, not saying much, more basking in the happiness. He had to gently coax them into talking. It took a few minutes, this visit. She was beaming the whole time.

After, I asked her what they talked about. "I asked for a pony and I told him Mac is too little to ask, so I asked for an Elmo for him." I asked her what else she might want Santa to bring her. "Santa can bring what he wants, he can decide", she said smiling.

I asked her what Santa said to her, "Did he ask what your name is sweetheart?"

"Mom, he already knows who I am, silly".

Again, a mixture of Holy Good Lord, she really believes.

And to top the night off she chanted this on the ride home:

"S-A-N-T-A, SANTA SANTA! He's our man!"

The kicker though, the absolute kicker, happened when I was tucking her into bed.

"Can we get a present for Santa when he comes? I wish we can get him a present too."

Here's to the magic and wonder of Christmas all :)

God I love me some Christmas Time . . and sledding ;)

God I love me some Christmas Time and sledding!

And with the 20 inches we just had, AWAY WE GO A SLEDDING!

ROCK MY GOOD PEOPLE!

And now, my favorite christmas song of all time :)

sorry about advert but the song is worth it ;)

Merry Christmas to you!

Merry Christmas to all of you and yours!

I think I will move to Hawaii for the next Christmas. Or, just listen to this song. It is by far the most fun to dance to.



Artist: KT Tunstall
Song: Mele Kalikimaka

How I know Santa is real

Um. Before we begin, FYI- my profile and whatnot has decided it wants to stay underneath the main posts. No matter what I do to coax it back up, to the right of the main posts. It is not my place to question why the blog choses this, it is only my place to keep posting ;)



When I was a wee Holly, I would always have a hard time waking up on Christmas morning. My brother would be the first one up, poking me before it was light out. One year, he kept jabbing me with a gray plastic ship thing. "HOLLY!! HOLLY!!! LOOK WHAT SANTA BROUGHT?!!"

I remember murmuring something and going back to bed. It was no shock there were a lot of presents, after all, that is what Santa Claus does, bring presents. They could wait till I was done sleeping in.

This was a child's understanding of Christmas. This is a child's innocence and logic. I am now an adult.

The magic I felt, the joy I knew, it is still there. It is a choice I make, to dive back into my childhood understanding and swim to the warm bottom. And there I am happy. The happiness propels me into action. I spread the joy and love to others. And because of this, magic still exists. And because of this, Santa still exists.

CLICK HERE TO TRACK SANTA VIA NORAD RADAR!

She really, really believes

This is Santa Claus, checking the list to see if Pancake (my daughter, age 5) and Mac ( my son, age 2) have been naughty or nice. I can guarentee you, they have been good as gold. :)


This year, my daughter believes in Santa Claus. It is a deeper and more elaborate belief than last year.

As we were shopping for sweaters on Sunday, the topic of Santa came up. She would hold up things and say, "I want this for Christmas" and then politely put it back. After two or three times, I said, you need to wait until you see Santa, then you can tell him what you want for Christmas. She came close to me, with a very serious look on her face. Then she whispered, "Mom, he can hear us now, and when you say you want it for Christmas, he knows. He's watching us right now."

I felt a rush of wow, weird and misty eyed. Then, I heartily agreed with her assessment. "Yes, you're right, he can hear us right now." We smiled.

Last night, we went to see Mr. Claus himself. She sat on his lap, not saying much, more basking in the happiness. He had to gently coax her into talking. It took a few minutes, this visit. She was beaming the whole time.

After, I asked her what they talked about. "I asked him for a Hanna Montana coloring book. And I told him Mac is too little to ask, so I asked for an Elmo for him." I asked her what else she might want Santa to bring her. "Santa can bring what he wants, he can decide", she said smiling.

I asked her what Santa said to her, "Did he ask what your name is sweetheart?"

"Mom, he already knows who I am, silly".

Again, a mixture of holy good Lord, she really believes.

And to top the night off she chanted this on the ride home:

"S-A-N-T-A, SANTA SANTA! He's our man!"

The kicker though, the absolute kicker, happened when I was tucking her into bed.

"Can we get a present for Santa when he comes? I wish we can get him a present too."