Finding love in unexpected places

If you look hard enough,

you can find love in the most unexpected places. . .

Like at the end of a snowy driveway. :)

I don't really think he's sorry, do you?

and for those coming directly to the blog, here he is, a wee bit smaller.



Yeah, me neither!

The crazy is melting out of my body

When Mr. Hall goes on these out of state business trips, I flip into single mom mode. I rush around, checklist and struggle to do things he does. I get more absentminded, look disorganized and a bit crazy.

Last Sunday, I was in a leadership meeting at church. The Mr. Hall and I are going to be leading a couple's bible study group. Mr. Hall, being elsewhere, was not there. But I was, in all my distracted, dizzy glory.

Normally, these types of meetings are cause to pause, to gain introspection. To feel the love of others as we gather to celebrate God's love. Sadly, I'm so wound up, so checklist, that I wasn't there in that way. But, for a brief second I saw myself. It was like an out-of-body experience.

It happened at the end of the meeting. The pastor laid out expectations of the leaders. The pastor said, "No sex outside marriage, no gossiping and tithing". My head went into checklist mode. But I missed part of what he said. So I blurted out:

"OK WHAT WAS THE MIDDLE THING?? I HEARD THE PART ABOUT NO SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE AND TITHING BUT WHAT WAS THE MIDDLE THING??"

I said it REALLY LOUD. I used my outside voice!! I was a bit embarrassed but dang, I was more shocked. And I came to the conclusion that all this spun up and running around is just crazy. It's me being crazy and I need to stop.

So I am. I'm taking time to paint my toes and take baths. To watch comedies on Hulu and enjoy people when they talk to me. I've slowed down. And it's much better. The crazy is melting out of my body.

And I have volume control now.

Have a good weekend all! :)

Number 13: I'm nice, but not that nice

Welcome back to getting to know Mrs. Hall.

Numbers 1-12 is here

I excel at being nice. When talking to people, I smile. I ask questions and listen. I pay full attention when people are talking and remember things so I can follow up when we talk again. Manners are very important to me. Life is hard. Kindness is liquid gold.

But. There's a limit.

Pancake received an invite to a friend's birthday party. I called the Mom to double check the details. We chatted about other stuff too. She was nice. I got excited. OooOOooh I thought, potential Mommy friend!

Then I dropped my daughter off at Chuck-E-Cheese for the birthday party. Have you ever been to Chuck-E-Cheese? Me neither. It was exactly like I thought it would be. Every few inches something was either flashing, beeping and wailing. Or all three. Chuck-E-Cheese is like Dante's 5th circle of Hell.

Then I saw the Mom. And her husband. They kind of look like the couple up there. Chubby midwesterners. (shut up, I'm down 3 lbs already!) And my hopes of making new friends went kerplunk.

kerplunk i say!!

Ten to one they didn't go to college. They probably like bud light. The Mom probably likes romantic comedies and makes a mean casserole. The husband likes to talk sports and go ice fishing. I bet they've never HEARD OF HUMMUS. They probably watch a lot of TV. In short, they're townies.

Now, I realize I'm judging. But, I am probably right.

Stereotypes are real time savers.

And I say no. I won't be friends with them. Because I'm not anything like them. And I'm coming to the conclusion I can't keep compromising as I make my friends. I have a level of passion and interest in life that makes me very happy. I'm always finding wonder and awesome everywhere. And I like to read. And I like to watch Zombie films. I like to talk about God and miracles. And I like to explore and run and play every day of my life.

Unfortunately, the Mom keeps trying. Her kid and my kid are in school together and she'll pass notes to me via the teacher. I find notes written by her in my kid's take home folder.

"We should get together sometime!!" or "I have pictures from the birthday party!! You should come over and see them sometime!!!"

No. Not gonna happen. Move on to another nice person please!

I've been giggling about this all morning

offt. it was like the cough olympics last night. I would sleep for an hour, wake up coughing then force myself back to sleep, then a kid would wake up, then the cat threw up and gaaahh . . . .

(The Mrs. Hall, she leads a glamorous life no?)

And then my daughter needed something. It was 6.00 am. And well, duty called.

And I was so tired as I walked into the bathroom door. Yep that's right.

The door was slightly open and as I walked towards it BAAH BLAM-WHAM!!! and I kind of fell forward slamming it shut! It was so loud!

And my first thought was, "I hope this doesn't wake the kids!"

I mean seriously?? What the hell?? Did I think I could just WALK through the door? Did I think it was open? I mean, as I walking I felt something against my hands and then I realized, hey, that might be the doooo . . .

KAABLAMMOO!! FACEPLANT TO THE DOOR!!!

hee hee hee

OOooHHH that's good times! good times!! I've been laughing about it all morning.

Then THEN I dropped the kids off at school. It was my day off. And I slept for four hours. blissful whacked out sleep. hallicination type dreams.

It was awesome!!!

OK then. I'm going to bed soon. Wish me luck with tonight.

And be careful for all those doors out there!

Making his Daddy proud: the story behind this photo

This photo was taken about three years ago, behind Mac's old daycare. At that daycare, naps were taken on blue cots. They stack quite nicely.

After each nap, the kids would have snack. Mac devours snacks. He is a ferocious eater, like a little tyrannosaurus rex.

After he pounded teddy grahams and juice- he started to run around.

A half an hour later we picked him up. The teachers were all wide eyed and were staring at us.

"Mac threw up!", they said.

"Oh?," I said. "Huh. I wonder if he is doing ok?"

"No. You don't understand! He really THREW UP!! Go look outside!!"

So we did. And wow.

They had to hose down all the cots.

Yep, there's the wee Mac.

Making his Daddy proud!

The joy of sleeping in pairs

Before I went to bed, Mr. Hall said, "Can you turn on my side of the bed? You know I like it boiling."

We have an electric blanket underneath our bottom sheet. He likes his side on HIGH HEAT. It irritates me. I don't like heat from the bottom. I sleep with my side OFF. But, I think Mr. Hall keeps his side on HIGH HEAT to keep me on my side of the bed.

Yah see, I'm a bed hog. I will push Mr. Hall to the edge and steal blankets. I've pushed him off the bed before. It's involuntary though. Happens in my sleep. But with his side cranked to HIGH BOILING HEAT, I stay on my side-the warm and toasty side.
It's like a repellent.

Then, last night, I woke up with my face smooshed against the sheet. My cheek was burning from the heat. I was on my belly, feeling pinned. Somehow I had wedged myself underneath Mr. Hall, his back on my back. I was like a spatula trying to flip a pancake. And it was so hot, sweat was pouring into my eyes. I promptly woke him up to get off me. :)

hee heee hee

le sigh.

Mr. Hall has a three week trip coming up. Out of state.

le sigh.

I think I'll keep his side of bed on and put a body pillow there.

I really don't like sleeping alone. :)

Operation double chin

Women tend to make a big deal out of everything. I am no exception.

Sometimes, though, the big deal gets in the way of progress. So let's go gently and swiftly through this post. That way we can get to what I need to get done.

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

When women have something to fight in their life, they will often choose their body as the battle field.

I am no exception. But I've seen the light. I've been healthy. It took yoga, therapy and a lot of exorcising demons but dammit, I did it. I lost 35 lbs and was fabulous.

But now I'm back to double chin size. 165 @ 5.4. BMI 28. I am battling again.

I like to think I can blame my doctor who said NO YOGA WHILE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT. But wait, she didn't say that. She said, "Special pregnancy type yoga only please". And thus, it did not get done because I'm not pregnant.

AND THAT MY BLOGGY BLOG FRIENDS IS WHAT THIS IS ALL FRICKING ABOUT.

It's about two miscarriages last year. And trying to get pregnant this year. I've done the healing but my pain is still showing. It's the muffin top of morose. The pooch of pain. The double chin of despair. tee hee hee.

(it's ok to laugh, I find that funny)

My chubby is there and not moving. Cause I'm not moving. I'm still holding on every month for the pregnancy test to turn positive. Having a faux pregnancy belly helps to make this alien state of not-pregnant easier to take. Which is delusional. But, we do what we can right?

So today it changes. I crave the size six. I crave the lean muscles. I long for the thin. I've no use for the chub and double chins. And today my body aches from my kickboxing class. And my weight watchers is filled out for today. And so it shall be.

This time, it's for keeps.

Goonies NEVER SAY DIE!!

Watched Goonies the other night. STILL HOLDS UP. It's about a bunch of kids who find a treasure map. It's a kid's dream, all pirates, bad guys, golden treasure and adventure! And the kids follow the map. It leads them underground through all sorts of booby traps.

It's a tough journey.

Then they find themselves on the bottom of a well. There's a bucket. Troy, the town jerk off, is waiting to rescue them.

But Mikey says:



"Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket."

To watch it live, click here.

It never fails this speech. NEVER!

A random story about me and THC

Today, I am feeling rather blah. I'm not smiling. This is no good. So let's hear a random story about me and THC. At the end, I will be cheered up. I promise.

When I was a wee lass of 23, I went to Amsterdam. I went with my bestie friend Sarah and her dumbass pot head brother James. I was a college student at the time, so I was poor as dirt. The tickets to Amsterdam were cheap. It was a January promotion. There were like 7 connecting flights to get there.

Alas- I did not partake in the Mary Jane on that trip. Sadly, I was a good girl.

What I did smoke was Winston Lights. GAWD I LOVED SMOKING!! I had been smoking for about a year at that point. I loved it. It helped me. Those cigarettes loved me. And in Amsterdam I could smoke EVERYWHERE. Like at the supermarket picking out oranges. I smoked with purpose and intent on that trip. I smoked because I knew it was my last week to smoke.

Two weeks prior I had started dating Mr. Hall. Mr. Hall is a militant anti-smoker. I had decided to quit for him. My new love interest of two weeks. And oh, how I loved him from the moment we met. That was like 12 years ago, I still remember the gobsmacking rush of love that came over me. Still does.

Anywho-back to Amsterdam. It was my first European country. I marveled at the cobblestone streets, the ever present bicycles and quaint little shops. Everything was arty and ornamental. It lit my passion for travel. I loved it.

A good time was had by all.

Then the flight home. 18 hours in, one more flight back to my home state. AND HER DUMBASS POT HEAD BROTHER HAD A DIME BAG OF THC ON HIM. I was hallucinating from all the connecting flights, I was beyond reach. And all of us were searched in very private ways and I lost it. Bawled like a baby. Lost touch with reality.

Part of the crying was knowing my bestie wasn't really my bestie. As we traveled on that trip, I learned that I wasn't such a good fit for her. Or she me. But we, Sarah and I, stuck together long enough for her to be my maid of honor at my wedding. But after that we stopped. We'd been besties for 5+ years. Sad really.

When I got to the last airport, at my hometown, I was still hallucinating. I called Mr. Hall, my love of two weeks, to fetch me. I didn't want anything to do with anyone. I just needed someone to pick me up and bring me home.

And he did. He drove so carefully, spoke softly. He poured me into my dorm room bed. He washed my clothes and nursed me back to reality over the next few days. He was so gentle, so kind. So loving and nurting.

He still is.

see now, that's better . . . all fixed!

Copy Cat Blogger

B. E. Earl was talking about kittehs today. So let's talk about mine.



I have a Siamese named Prince Albert. No, not after the genital piercing (go ahead, google that!). He's named after the joke, "Do you have Prince Albert in a Can?" We got him before we were married. He is about 12 years old. But here's the thing about Siamese: they never get fat, and they never get old. He's still spry as all get out. And loud.

SIAMESE ARE THE LOUDEST MOFOS. Seriously. The howling, the yowling, the crazy meowing. People routinely ask if he's in heat. No. No I say, just a siamese. In fact. When I was loading the cartoon below, he started howling again. He's very dapper and punk rock all at the same time. He sleeps with my daughter every night and wakes me up most every morning. :)

Meow. Meeeooooww. MMMMEEEOOOOWWW!!



good times!

Bourbon soaked love

I wrote the comment below on the love that is Heff's Bar and Grill

GAAWD I love Jim Bean. It's like a glowing orb of love.

Just sinking into my brain, calming and soothing.

Then I sleep dreamless sleep.

Also, I love a pair of blue back up singers.

I wish I had a pair.

That would be very cool.

This song has been making me lose it lately.

In my private moments. When I'm alone.

Just the words, "The dog days are over, the dog days are done."

It spirals crazy hope and peace that explodes all over my insides.

Bourbon soaked love indeed :)

Urges

• Been having urges lately.

• Urges to take another pregnancy test. It's a week too early though. So I'll just have to stare at them every time I open my bathroom cabinet. They wait for me so patiently.

• Sometimes I just want to get another job. This is not unsual. When I became a nurse, LO THESE TEN YEARS AGO, I changed jobs every 2 years. I've been an OB-GYN nurse, a neurology nurse, a county jail nurse, a nursing home/hospice nurse, and a home health nurse. And now, all I'll ever be is a psychiatric nurse practitioner. I'm locked in for 20 and a pension. I love my job but I miss being able to leave.

• I think it has to do with all the addicts I've been seeing lately. I have prescription pad so they come to me demanding things. And I say, look, I really want to help you, but I am not another source for your addiction. Then they get all pissy and I get all GET OUT OF MY OFFICE. No, not really, I just feel kind of bad. It's not a good scene. Sometimes though, they ask for help. And they go to AA or our rehab. And miracles happen. And that's one of the 1000 things that makes my job so awesome.

• Enough about my job. My kids are awesome. So happy, so smart, such big hearts. So obsessed with Mario Galaxy on the Wii. I have urges to play it but can't get the hang of the remote. So they play for hours. Little Mac loves being with his sister. He sits next to her, holding his little remote. He can't work it very well but he just loves sitting next to her while she plays. :)

• So. Another thing. Mr. Hall and I have been feeling this pull to form our own bible study group for couples. Our church is supporting this idea. There are a lot of bible study groups but ours would be the first just for couples. I have no idea how this is going to work. But God is pulling us and we are responding. Wish us luck with being leaders.

• Well, that's about all I got. What's new with you?

Black Swan is not so crazy

I dedicate this blog to Slyde who is allergic to ballet.*



Natalie Portman plays Nina the Ballerina. At baseline, Nina is a little crazy. Prone to self destructive behaviors (purging, picking, scratching). She wears a straight jacket of sorts. The jacket keeps her mousy and pathologically unable to express anything but submission. Good times are sure to be had with this girl.*

Meanwhile, she continues to grow as a ballerina. Girl has mad skills. The skills get her the role of Swan Queen from the ballet Swan Lake. The Swan Queen is a two part role. Good, pure, and virginal for one part. Seductive, crazy and destructive for the other part. One is black and one is white. Guess what color is the crazy destructive?

Right, The Black Swan.

Everything that Nina keeps under wraps (passion, fury and might) is needed to pull off the black part of the Swan Queen. It's not that Nina lacks the black, it's just tightly wrapped inside her, binding her breathless.

As the movie goes on, Nina gets closer and closer to unleashing her fury and might. The black pokes out of her skin like little feathers. Unfortunately, as she unravels the ties that bind, she unravels her leash to reality.

It's sad and creepy and really, a good movie indeed. It gets two Mrs. Hall thumbs up!

*and yes, there is mucho girl on girl action. Which really, nicely done!