Thursday, January 21, 2010

Roughing up the little ones (repost)

Originally posted 9-1-2008

Please note: I tried breaking this post up into two parts. But, they protested and demanded to stay partners. Thus, it is a long post. But worth the read.

With great patience, I have started to come around to my husband's way of parenting. By nature I am worrier, an obsesser, a catastrophe thinker.
All fabulous traits in a Mom by the way. Mr. Hall, as a Dad and Husband, is none of those things. When we married and became Mom and Dad, my mission was to change my nature. To be more like him. That way, Pancake and Mac can be more like us. Happy and calm.

When the kids became large enough, the rough play started. This involves my husband, their Daddy, chasing them around. Hoisting them in the air and scaring them till they scream and sometimes pee. They love this. They
crave this. It is a ritual now. The stand at the top of the stairs chanting, "Daddy, Daddy, you can't catch us!" They wave their arms and wiggle their hips as they chant. He is around the corner, out of eye sight. But not out of ear shot. He will clear his throat and they get all crazy. He waits for their chants to build to a fever pitch. Then he rushes them, loudly and with great Daddy force. The screams of delight can be heard three states away.

He let's them feel upset when they are upset. No rushing to fix it. Unless of course, it is an emergency. Even then there needs to be blood or a missing limb. This is the hardest part of parenting for me, as a Mom. When they are upset, for whatever reason, I feel it inside. I feel it in my chest and lungs. My breathing becomes short, my chest pounds and my head simply screams,
"FIX IT FOR THEM RIGHT NOW!!!" There is little distinction between emergency and non-emergency for me. They don't call it the mother bear instinct for nothing :)

It's a gradual process, and getting easier. It is the art of teaching your children to suck it up really.

And now I going to write something so sad. Good sad. But still sad. So sad it has to stick with it's partner up there.

Yesterday, the wee Pancake went to wake Mac after the nap. I heard her holler, "Mommy come look!!" I found Mac smiling, on the floor with his blanket and pillow.

Mr. Hall was still sleeping. Pancake is too small to lift him out of the crib. Therefore, there was only one way he got there. Out of his crib that is. I felt sucker punched. We had bought a cute, second hand Thomas the Train toddler bed a few months ago. The kids love to jump on it. He wasn't ready to use it yet. Oh, wait, maybe that's just me. How and when to transition him to the big boy bed was a decision that was made. Not
by me, but for me.

Again, I felt sucker punched. An so, we put him to bed last night. Then we, Mommy and Daddy, turned off the fan. We quietly listened for sounds of him staying in the bed. Listening for sounds of him playing, talking, pulling off the sheets. There was none. He stayed put and snuggled. In his big boy bed. And I sobbed for a good twenty minutes. Mr. Hall held me and does what he does best. Be my husband.

He'll take apart the crib today. I will take the kids to the park. I just can't bear to watch.

11 Left a message at the beep:

Cam said...

Something happens in our ovaries when we become mothers, well, it happens to some of us...
Some undetermined, undiscovered chemical gets released and sets up shop in our brains. It makes us crazy. We worry and we react with the ferociousness of mama bears, just like you describe. Dads stay chillaxed, and we get brain bubbles. Yin and yang, I reckon.

I did not have this experience with the crib taking down day. I was elated. Why? Because Dylan had figured out how to grab the bars and shake the crib violently back and forth bouncing it off the wall. It sounded like Mike Tyson banging on the bedroom wall. He thought it was hilarious, so he did it at every opportunity. I don't recall being so faint of heart before that. Yes. Now that I think of it, I am sure. That's what fried my nerves. Three a.m wall beatings courtesy of Dylan.

That, or the crazy ovary chemical.

{here's hoping that crib is coming out soon, by the way...}

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, this was lovely. I remember getting the first 2 out of the crib somewhere around 2 and a half, because I was pregnant. My youngest (and I'm embarassed to admit this now) was in it till she was over 3. She wasn't interested in climbing out and I think I liked her there. Your little one made such a self imposed, smooth transition. Harder for moms.

Jim said...

Major milestone, for sure. We still have our crib, not out of any sense of it being a family heirloom or anything . . . just didn't want to put a perfectly good crib out for the trash truck, and haven't found anyone to take it off our hands yet. My daughter is 10 . . . :-)

My nephew let his parents know he was ready for a "big boy bed" when they found him similarly on the floor of his room one morning. His shocked mother said "how did you get out of your crib?" to which the little scamp replied "here, I show you . . ."


Jim said...

Btw, I LOVE your names for your kids, lol. Mac & Cheese looks like he still has those nice sausagey arms and legs that make little kids so squeezable.

Not possible anymore, with my 15-yr-old [sniff] . . . you're lucky if they talk to you, at that point :-) . . .


Mrs. Hall said...

Cam: Yes! ovaries on overdrive! And good Lord, shaking the crib. BAH! no good :)

we found the crib amoungst the piles of boxes last week. and I think it's a sign cause like you said, ovulation is BEYOOCH!!! this month ;)

Maureen: Oh such a lovely comment. Such a moment, the transition from a crib to the bed. ;)

Jim (x2): Well, you seem to be a frequent flier . . . have you signed up to follow me yet? (tee hee hee)

Yeah, we bought the crib second hand. I haven't even thought about selling it after we have our third. I just can't even think about it now.

And what a cheeky monkey the nephew! Sounds like my son. And yes, i named them here for their favorite foods. They are squishy and love and talkative and needy. I do enjoy it so ;)

The Savage said...

I wanna be like Mr. Hall when I grow up!

Mrs. Hall said...

Savage: Aim for the best! :)

Anonymous said...

Funny, I have no kids of my own but feel the same way about someone, the part of me that stands guard when they have no idea. :)

Mrs. Hall said...

Hello Mr. Bamaotrava: went to your site, dropped a comment or two. Very nice . . . very nice . . . :)

Bruce Johnson said...

You displayed all the behavior traits of my ex-wife before you married Mr. Hall. Glad you saw the light and learned how to steer clear of the anxiety and worriness. I have first hand knowledge of what happens when you don't. (hmmm, I might be still married to my first wife if I could have been more like Mr. Hall.......on second thought maybe not.)

Mrs. Hall said...

yeah Bruce, I'm what they call a strong willed, alpha female type. But, Mr. Hall has strength but it comes from balance and calm, not brute force.

So I trusted this from the very beginning and trusted the power that he has to help me chill the heck out.


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