First, I raised my hand

Raising your hands is funny concept. I mean, we are taught as little kids to raise our hands to be called on versus blurting out an answer. We raise our hands when the magician asks for a volunteer. We raise our hands to hail cabs or to flag down a friend while we wait for him in a crowd. All kids raise their hands to be picked up by their Mommies and Daddies. It's pretty cool signal.

It's a way to reach out, to get attention and be singled out.

I was thinking about this as I was singing in church. When we sing, some people raise their hands high. I never knew why until I asked somebody. Little did I know-raising of the hands is all over the bible. It's a sign of worship.

This church I go to, it's different than any church I've ever been to. They have a band, complete with guitars, drums and singers that blow me away. When I sing I get all choked up, moved by the spirit. Mr. Hall and I have started to really let loose and sing louder. It's hard not to feel self conscious at first, with all this singing. But the spirit takes over. After a while I find myself forgetting to feel like people are watching me. Then I reach for Mr. Hall and we hold hands.

It's a pretty incredible sight though, watching people throw their hands up. Singing all joyous with their eyes closed. I feel Mr. Hall and I will get there. Holding our hands high in church.

I've already started practicing. But for completely unexpected reasons. I throw my hands up in elevators, in the living room of our home, at work, in the bathroom, even in the car. I am praying and praising pretty much constantly these days. This is the first step.

The next is settling down and feeling God's love. Letting my prayers be answered. So that's my next step. Slowing down after the prayers. Being still and knowing.

And so it shall be :)

Last night 12 women laid hands on me (repost)

Originally posted September 2010



Last night I gathered with my women's bible study group. We are studying The Book of Acts. It had been a lovely meeting with pastries and pleasantries. I was light hearted and smiley. Then it was time for prayer requests. People ask the group to pray for them for various reasons. Prayers for employment, for guidence on things, for healing and prayers for sick aunts. I was going to cop out and say something about praying for more patience with my patients. I felt the need to keep it light.

Instead, this came out:

"Well, maybe I should talk about what's really on my mind."

Then, I could barely choke it out. In the prior six months of last night, I've had two miscarriages. We are trying again and I'm scared. All of this is running through my mind and I'm weighing out my words. I'm measuring how to say this without losing it. But then, I seriously lost it. It came on like a hurricane and I COULDN'T USE MY WORDS.

I just kept heaving and choking forcing bits of words out. "Lost baby. . . six weeks . . discovered it with the ultrasound . . . we are . . . then we lost another . . three days after we tested . . ." I was all snot bubble cry. Unable to form sentences. And someone came behind me and rubbed my back. Another fetched tissue. "Trying again . . we are trying again. I'm so scared . . . I don't know what's happening . . . ". And I heaved and sobbed. Then it went softer and I started breathing a little bit more.

Then one of the women said, "I want to do a healing ritual. Let's do a laying on of hands. Is that ok?" She looked at me. This particular women had hugged me in church the week prior. She's a hugger. I let her hug me.

I really didn't know what "laying on of hands" was, but I said yes. And that photo up there, that's kind of what happened. Only that's not me. But, that up there, that's what happened!

Then the hugger said the words I couldn't say, all wrapped up in prayer. "Please Lord, let her lay down all the hurt and pain from losing her babies, let her give all the pain to you. Let her heal Lord. Let her know your love. Let her feel your presence her now."

At that point I was kind of freaked out because well, do you see the photo up there? Then I made a conscious decision to deep breathe and let it all come.

The women went on, "Lord let her know she doesn't have to carry this, this is yours, let her lay it down, right here, let her feel your arms lifting her up. Let her feel the joy of making another child, of creating a miracle. Lift her up lord, right here. Let her feel the joy."

And did I mention one of the women started speaking in tongues? DID I??
Speaking in tongues was a freshly explained concept to me, just that night in fact. It's in the Book of Acts.

This went on for about 20 minutes. All the while these hands were laid on me. Some where gripping, some were lightly touching and some were just laying there. It was kind of crazy but I let go and let it all happen.

And I can say this. Today I feel absolutely fabulous. I am joy upon joy. Praise be indeed ;)

Taking one for the team

No matter what happens in the next coming weeks, I still have an awesome husband. And awesome kids. I am blessed beyond belief.

So let's all listen to this awesome song, which is my new favorite with the following lyrics.


Your mom cooked meat loaf,even though I dont eat meat
I dug you so much,I took some for the team


ROCK ON MY GOOD PEOPLE

The other JC in my life

Two stories:

1. A patient of mine reached in his pocket today and produced two teeth. He had a tooth abscess and doesn't have dental insurance. So he tied floss around the tooth, then tied the other end to a pipe. While sitting in a chair he grabbed the pipe with both hands and yanked. Pulled it right out. Abscess fixed. It was weird though. Why bring it to me? Thankfully it wasn't a gift. :)

2. You know that game, light as a feather, stiff as a board? After a long hot yoga class I was laying in the corpse pose praying to God. I would pray and say, "Lord, hear my prayer, take all my worries from me. Take all my worries and burdens. I give to you, Lift me up." I kept repeating this, each time it would get shorter till I kept repeating, "Jesus hear my prayer, lift me." And wow. I felt lifted from my mat, ... almost levitating. He has such power. I will never stopped being awed by Him.

So, that was just a slice of my week. And now, let's here from the other JC in my life.

Have a good weekend all.

Made me laugh

One of the best part of my job is the different types of people I see. I am a mental health nurse practitioner btw. Some of my most favorite patients are the big, tough biker guys.

Which is funny really. Mental health is a place of venerability, a place to tell stuff you never told anyone. There are a lot of breakdowns and break throughs. It's awesome.

So how do I get the big, tough, biker dudes to tell me their pain? How to I make them feel comfortable so they can share stuff? It's actually pretty easy.

I'm a nice person. I extend mercy. I'm not judgemental or easily shocked. I have a poker face if I do become shocked but it doesn't happen that often. Ya see, most human beings hurt in much the same ways. Divorce, booze problems, Mother beat me with a stick, Dad didn't love me, both parents were crackheads, etc etc.

I rarely hear anything new. So this pain they've been carrying, that they bring to me, I welcome this. Once they start telling me, they snot bubble cry and hyperventilate and THAT'S when the healing begins!

After a while they start to really get better. They drink less, they don't fight with the wives so much. Depression lifts and anxiety recedes. Then, they start to include the mental health team in their world. Because for so long, it's been them against the world. And sooner or later, they include us on their team.

Then the visits get fun. We can joke, talk motorcycles, sports or fishing. I know nothing of these things. But I love to learn things so they tell me all about it. Plus, the straight talk is a relief.

So many of my patients are in some sort of existential crisis. Not the biker dudes. These guys just need a good kick in the pants. Someone to tell them to knock it off, grow up a little and go to therapy. They respond to directness. It's good times.

So. What made me laugh this time you ask?

So this one guy I see, he's a big biker dude complete with sleeve tattoos. Has a scowl on his face that seems permanent. But he's been seeing me for about a year. He smiles and jokes in the office now. So we start joking and talking about fishing. Then he mentions that can't fish so much on account of his broken hand.

Last week he punched a wall and hit a stud.

D'OH!

Then I says, "Huh, well, we have a new anger management class coming up . . ."

He replies, "Anger management ain't gonna change the fact that the world is full of dumbasses and I gotta deal with 'em!"

(awesome answer I must say)

I laughed out loud at that one. It was so funny. And for him, so true!

good times, good times!

Better than the originals (Disclaimer: I never saw the originals)

Movies like Tron 2 and Star Trek (2009) carry a certain weight with them. It's not that they are part of a franchise, I mean, Big Momma's house is a franchise. It's that they are part of people's childhoods. Once upon a time, little kids sat back and their imagination went absolutely apey in the theater with these movies. I was not one of those kids. I never saw the originals.

All the better for me to get all judgey judgey no?



I did however, see Tron 2 in 3D. It was a freak occurrence. Mr. Hall never takes me to the movies. In our entire 10 year marriage we've never set foot in those "money sucking multiplexes". But for Tron, he ponied up. Also on that day, I saw pigs fly. True story!

I really loved Tron 2. It carried elements that both honored the reverence people have for the original and poked fun at itself. Plus, it has the Dude in it. I will follow that man to the end of the earth. As long as it's in film I mean.

I highly recommend watching it. Watch it with someone who watched the original. It's more meaningful if you are near someone who loved it from the beginning.





Which brings me to Star Trek (2010). I am aware of the series but have never seen more than a clip here or there. I've never seen any of the movies. However, that didn't stop me from loving the pants off this film.

I've come to the conclusion that these remakes, they are better than the originals. They mine the rich territory of good and evil inside the main characters. Which spirals off into guns that go PEW PEW!! and gigantic ships going warp speed that blow up into white sparky showers.

o. and Scotty (as in beam me up), WAS PLAYED BY SHAUN. OF.. THE DEAD!!! I would follow that man to the end of the earth. If the end of the earth was in a movie I mean.

I dare anyone not to have a riot watching this film.

To not feel anything would be illogical.

(couldn't resist that one! :)

Long weekends

These weekends, when Mr. Hall has guard, they are long. It's a matter of context I think. I mean, he's done two tours in Iraq. He does two weeks now and again. All of that I'm mostly fine with. Well, they suck but at least I have work and household tasks to keep me busy. Keeping busy keeps me from missing him so much. But these weekends when he's gone for a day and half, these are the longest.

I get the full bed to myself. I get the full driveway too. I have everybody ready for church a full half hour before we have to go. Noone is putzing or delaying us.

These weekends are just long that's all.

So I'll listen to this and perk up my mood. Because these weekends are numbered. Oh sweet glory day . . . these weekends are numbered.