Questions and answers

1. First off, why the hell can't I move the items at the bottom of the main page. My profile, my recent visitor and such are all suppose to be next to my posts NOT UNDER IT. But, no matter how many times I go to 'layout' and try to fix it, it never gets back to the way it was.

Anyone have any ideas?


1. My posts over at the Bonez site have prompted some questions. Questions from readers in real life and blog life. Questions best answered.

The posts: Mrs. Hall loses it: Part one, Mrs. Hall loses it: Part two

As I explained to Lotus07: Truth be told, it is my 'homework' from my counselor I saw while losing the weight. Also, I hadn't written anything for 10 years prior to this journal. And after I wrote this journal, I started this blog.

I don't believe the journals belong on this blog. They don't feel right being here. But, I believe they needed light. And if they inspire others (my hope) that would be awesome. Either way, they do no good just sitting here on my hard drive.

But, the story goes back a few weeks before the first journal entry. It involves Mr. Hall. Here is us a few months ago. I am the one in the brown jacket.

 

Here is me doing the yoga pose "Standing Bow". The goal is to pull your arm with your leg, like pulling a bow. And I do love that brown jacket. I am just tickled that I get to wear it again. It is such a stylish number. And I loove the jeans. In fact just wore those today!

 

Back to the back story to those journals.

One day I had decided to begin eating chocolate chips out of the bag. Now, I have a low tolerance for such rich food. And I am hypersensitive to caffeine. Yet, I pounded a two pound bag over 14 hours or so. Fist full after fistful. I was very covert about it. Mr. Hall didn't know anything. And I knew it would make me very sick and very wired. But I did it anyway.

This was the last act in an increasingly self-destructive pattern with me. I had begun to hide food from Mr. Hall and binge. My weight was getting out of control. I think I just came to a breaking point with that bag of chips. I threw my hands up and sought out a counselor.

As I started to lose the weight, I started to get angry. I was reconnecting with a body I long forgotten to care for. And the body was pissed!

It was ugly and very hard to deal with. Mr. Hall was at my side, as always, holding me. Turns out, he had known about the chips all along. He just didn't know how to help. But, just being there is all the help I needed. The real help was listening to my counselor, writing the journals and going to weight watchers. Yoga helped the most.

Overall, what I learned the most is this:

If women are to choose a battlefield to war with the world, they will first choose their bodies.

That's a Mrs. Hall original statement up there.

And as I lost the weight and went through all that came with reconnecting my heart body and mind, I got stronger than I ever imagined.

So take heart.

It gets worse before it gets better with those journals.

But, no pain, no gain.

(That's not an original saying ;)

If you want to get all up close with this issue, click here.

Sex and marriage: observations on the male drive

As I weave my sexuality back together, I can't help but envy Mr. Hall. Or men in general. Apparently, all it takes to become aroused is consciousness. And if they are near the one who reciprocates the love, then it is unbridled, this arousal. This is especially true for Mr. Hall.

There was an incident, about six years ago, when I was about four months preggos. Chubby, but not obviously pregnant. Pregnancy induced horrible cystic acne. Short boy hair cut (don't ask). Still throwing up. Mr. Hall and I had spent the day at a water park. Me being chubby, horrible cystic acne and short boy hair cut. I felt fugly. And when we got home, he began chasing me around. What the hell?, I thought. Can't you see me? What has gotten into you? And he said, "I've been staring at you all day, I just couldn't wait to get home."

That is when I realized---my husband has permanent love goggles on.

Some five years and two kids later, it remains much the same. Saturday was a day of filling sippy cups, braiding hair, mowing lawns, laundry, blah blah blah domestic bliss blah blah. And we fall into bed. And the chasing begins in earnest. What the heck? I think. And I ask, "What was so arousing today? Was it something I wore? " I mean, I do look good these days, what with the 35 lb weight loss. ABut no, none of this was the ticket. Although it does help, he said.

"It was just being around you, sorry it's not more complicated", he said smiling.

My husband is awesome. I need to follow this lead. To be aware of how much he is to me and all the places he excites me. Letting the love flow around me at all times. Not just when I let it. Hee hee.