Revelation of new

Settling into the new job. Super fancy here in the private sector. They ordered me a chair, painted my office and sent my flowers. There is a whole marketing department. That is weird. It's all weird. The work is the same. I see patients for mental health reasons. I prescribe mental health medications. I do what we mental health nurse practitioners do.

Only it's bananas and super hard. At least it was. This organization is BIG. The patients are COMPLICATED. My coworkers are WICKED SMART. All of which forces my growth. Not growing is why (in part) I left my former job. I needed to grow. My brain isn't completely demolished from all the kids. It needs very science and caring things to do in the service of others. Which is what I do at my job.

For the first two weeks I felt very overwhelmed. Felt very exhausted and began to have nightmares. I took ambien for a week straight. I take ambien maybe once/twice a year. I started saying things out loud to Mr. Hall. My scary, sad, stressful emotional stuff. He laughed and hugged me. Because he's happy for me and my struggle.

This is the same Mr. Hall who happily cheered on my contractions during labor. All smiley and RAH RAH RAH!! That's right. He didn't comfort me during labor so much as cheered me on because it was happening and it's awesome. Because struggle is growth and happiness in the end.

So the nightmares and the constant rumination. I would never be without thoughts of what I said  or did at my new office. At night I would dream I was there too. It was no good.  It all broke loose when I went to church on Sunday.

I hadn't been to church in a long while. Holidays/lazy/what have you. But I woke up 5 minutes before the service and high tailed it there. During the singing I reached on up and asked God for help. It was then I had a revelation.

I had forgotten about that up there. God calls whom He calls because we are the ones to do what we are needed to do. I'm not here, at my fancy new job, because I'm the smartest and most capable. I'm here because He put me here. And it will come. The knowledge, the workings, the reasons I'm here will become apparent. All this rumination and second guessing it the evil one shooting me down, coloring my thoughts and he is wrong.

It was a great lift of ugly. Then there was this silence in my head. No more second guessing or reviewing everything I had said and done at work. No more feeling consumed by work thoughts. Just silence. It took some getting use to. It took a couple of nights but my sleep is 99% back to normal. My energy is returning. And all is well in the House of Hall.

GOD IS GOOD

PRAISE HIS NAME

Using the f bomb doesn't make you an artist, it makes you an idiot. OR A TODDLER

 

I got really irritated at yoga the other day. Irony, I know.

I get irritated at crossfit too.

It's the music. Crossfit people like loud, angry, german RAMSTIEN type music. And heavy gansta rap. With n words. It's bothersome but not overly so. If I'm working hard enough, I can't hear anything expect DEAR GOD MAKE THE PAIN STOP . . WAIT . . I CAN DO THIS . . . I HAVE FIVE MORE ROUNDS OF BURPEES AND THEN I'M DONE!!!



But at yoga, this is suppose to be gentle. Maybe some soft Indian music. Maybe the 'soft alt' channel on pandora. Or the teacher's personal mix of "memories". But they need to be gentle songs, not songs that include the f word and sex talk.

GAH.

So I'm doing the downward dog. Enjoying life. Then music kicks up and the f bombs start and I start shaking my head. I'm a child of God and a full grown Christian woman. I put up with a lot in yoga class. I put up with their psuedo hippy dippy talk of chakras and hugs. I'll get over myself with their meaningless namaste chanting. I'll tolerate their eastern (INSERT HUGE ASS AIR QUOTE) "religion" (INSERT HUGE ASS AIR QUOTE) because it seems well meaning. I studied buddhism for years. It's a great philosphy and very kind in nature. It's still hippy crap though. Again,

 

And make no mistake, yoga will always ALWAYS BE PART OF MY LIFE.

But the f bombs bugged me. REALLY bothered me. And I like the teacher. So I didn't say anyhthing. She's a nurse practitioner just like me. I could totally be her friend.

But, the music. Offt. . . the class starts chattering about the f bombs and she explains, "I don't buy the censored version of songs because that's not how the artist intended the song to be heard."

THE FRICK! SERIOUSLY??!!! THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH?

Using the f bomb doesn't make you an artist, it makes you an idiot. OR A TODDLER.

Either way, I'm above all that. sometimes anyway.

Miss Jamaica is NOT Amish

Mr. Hall & I on our honeymoon. Snubing . . . :)


Had a dream I was in Jamaica last night. I was a waitress in a cafe, totally feeling the warm and love. I've never been to Jamaica, but it sounds fantastic. :)

Anyway, today I'm heading a Christian retreat for a few days. Driving to a church about two hours away. I'm not sure what to expect but I suppose it'll be like going to church for three days. They've asked we not have our cell phones on us. And no computer access either. This is the scary part for me. But, I've made my peace with it. It makes sense. Texting and facebooking while one is at a retreat might be counter productive. :)

THAT BEING SAID.

We are to sleep in a common room. They said they have cots. I said, "Can I bring my queen size blow up mattress?" Because I'm Christian, NOT AMISH.

SO, wish me luck!

Mr. and Mrs. Hall discuss adding a second or third wife (repost for your enjoyment)

Mo love, Mo problems

During all the packing, sorting and tossing during these last few days, HBO's "Big Love" was playing in the background. This show is about polygamy or plural marriage. One man, Bill Paxton, is married to three wives ((L-R) Barb-first wife, Nikki-second wife, Margene-third wife). They all live this life, forming a family, calling this life "living the principle".

On the drive back, as I am wont to do, I took a mental trip down another path for the Hall Marriage. One that included adding a second and third wife to our family. I used the conflicts and plotlines from Big Love as an outline for my thoughts. It is a three hour drive. Lots of time to wax poetic. Mr. Hall always leans in while I talk. It is very sweet and tender.

First, in order for a plural marriage to survive, all parties must be willing to sacrifice their own personal needs for the greater good. There must be religion involved. It doesn't matter how much you believe in any alternative lifestyle, if you don't have an almighty God directing you, then you don't have sustainable motivation. Polygamy takes fortitude and renewable motivational. Without religion, the marriages will fail. Therefore, in order for us to become polygamous, we would have to step up our Christianity from interested and happy to obsessional and delirious.

Also, I believe, we would need to create a self sustaining family. I have read a lot on polygamous clans and the best ones, the ones that last, live off the land and are an agricultural society. I could do this, become a farmer's wife. Maybe. In the HBO show however, they are all supported by the husband's job. This is no good, it could come crashing down all around him and the family would be left bereft.

Second on the list, the husband must be of supreme quality. He must be unrelenting in his kindness, energy and devotion towards his wives. If the marriages are to thrive and grow, he must grow with each wife according to their needs. He must also be a facilitator and leader within the family as he will no doubt, be in charge of the lot. Well, in co-charge with the first wife.

The first wife is essential to success. She will be seen as the leader of the wives more so than the husband in a lot of ways. Again, I have read a lot about polygamous marriages and frankly, the husband often seems secondary to the every day needs of the wives. After all, the demands on him (making money, servicing other wives, actively directing a church of some sort) eats up his time. Hence the term of 'sister-wives'. The wives have their own family, a sub family of sapphic support.

This is why the first wife is so important. Most wives, in a single marriage, direct the various day to day doings of family life. They handle the organization of the family in terms of child care needs, organizing meals, cleaning of the house, negotiating the emotional needs of each family member, booking medical appointments et cetera. The first wife must be a proficient family manager, after all, with a second and third wife and their children, she manages them as well.

This is a lot of people to be organize.

I can say, it looks exceedingly difficult, living in a plural marriage. But I believe that Mr. Hall would be an excellent husband for such an arrangement. He was brought up a single mom who worked a lot and was basically in charge of two high maintenance sisters. Plus, he is a little bit older than me. He has as keen sense of women and how they operate. He also has a deft way of negotiating and supplying any needs they might have.

The first wife in the show, Barb, seems to be doing well. She could care take a little more but, meh.

First wife, very pretty curly hair, just like me

I would be an excellent first wife. Now that I have been married for about eight years, I have learned how to temper my emotional needs, how to smooth out sleep deprived feelings. I have learned how to respond and organize the needs of the entire household and create a warm and thriving family. I am a fully functioning partner in our success.

I would also be an excellent resource while choosing the second and third wife. I would have never picked, Nikki, as second wife. She is a spoiled prairie doll, unable to communicate her needs in a healthy way. Always scheming and manipulating. Not only is she not second wife material, but she is not any wife material.

Who in the hell picked her as second wife? I mean come on!

She would pose a problem for me, as a first wife. She is in her early thirties, same age as me. I would need ten years yet before I could handle the all the ages of the younger wives. The third wife from big love, Margene , SHE would be no problem whatsoever. But, yes, this type of arrangement would have to wait ten years, for me to be mature enough.

Margene is a doll

This is when, for the first time, Mr. Hall pipes up.

"TEN YEARS!! You realize I will be 50 years old at that point right?!, There's no way that would be a good thing, adding another wife and kids to the family."

By golly he's right. And really, there is absolutely no need for to complicate things with extra wives and children in this family.

I mean jeez, one wife is enough for everyone!!!

So that ends another side trip in the mental journey of Mrs. Hall :)