Monday, July 28, 2008

Mr. & Mrs. Hall talk during dinner

This was the exact conversation I had with Mr. Hall when I got home from swimming with the kids on Sunday.

Scene: A married couple in the kitchen, sitting down, eating homemade Reuben sandwiches.

Mr. Hall: Man, I had to cut out the old shower faucet. All of it. (takes a swig of Mike's Hard lemonade).

Mrs. Hall: Mac had explosive diarrhea right after we got to the pool.

Mr.: It wasn't that I had to just replace the knobs and the spout, I had to cut the entire faucet out.

Mrs.: And you know how he is, all fricking squiggly. I literally had to put my knee to his chest as I changed his swimmy diapers. All naked chubby legs flailing about. (throws up arms to emphasize squiggly-ness)

Mr.: And then they had built up the wall behind the shower with concrete (raises eyebrows and shrugs shoulders while taking another swig) so the knobs I had to install weren't long enough.

Mrs.: And I started yelling at Pancake because she wouldn't help me and I couldn't keep Mac still and his diarrhea was all watery from the pool. It was all over him. And those swimmy diapers don't hold squat so we can basically just toss his red towel. (sticks out tongue in yeach gesture)

Mr.: So I went to store and got some longer handles. I like the white ones better anyway.

Mrs.: And then we took a shower in the ladies room. He does have such cute little naked buns and tiny little penis. So cute. (smiles then makes a grumpy face) The water was like sharp razor needles though. Both kids cried as I scrubbed them.

Mr.: It won't be done till tomorrow. It's turning out to be quite a headache. But the water is back on for you. (belches really loud, manly belch, little Mac imitates him, they exchange smiles)

Mrs.: Yeah, I think I have been so thirsty because I know the water is off. Sooo thirsty. (gets up and gives Mr. Hall a kiss on the cheek)

End scene.

Honestly, you just cannot make this stuff up!

1 Left a message at the beep:

Verdant Earl said...

I tend to ignore conversations that include "explosive diarrhea" as well.

Too funny. :)

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