A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas Movie (review)

Unexpectantly, Mr. Hall and I had a night to burn by ourselves. No kids. Just us.

So, we took advantage of it by going to a movie and getting a bite to eat. Naturally, we choose A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas Movie. I haven't seen the first two installments of Harold & Kumar, but I had faith this movie would get the job done.

And it did. While we watched two hours of marijuana jokes, penis jokes, beer pong, pretty ladies in lingerie, more penis jokes and naked nuns showering together- I dare say I was very entertained.

Plus, Harold gives a big speech about how does things to make his wife happy, even things he doesn't want to do. Because he loves his wife.

Which is so touching.

Then, Neil Patrick Harris appears and does what he does. I love me some NPH. sigh. I need some gays. Then, more marijauna jokes. And penis jokes. Which gets funnier each and every time.

Then, we went to the melting pot and had a dinner of cheese, wine and chocolate. Which I must say, AWESOME!!!!!

The best part? The entire time I didn't think about the social worker whose coming to our house next Tuesday. She'll be interviewing us for the foster-to-adopt program. AKA adopting from the foster care system. It'll be a meet and greet mostly. But, it's a meet and greet I'm nervous, scared and thrilled about. All at the same time.

SO-at this point. It's best to steep myself in movies like Harold and Kumar. And now that we've watched this--it's time for me to finally watch Up in smoke!

:)

Monsters was a movie I loved

When I finished this film, I knew I would watch it again. It was really tender and touched my heart, which you wouldn't expect given the subject matter. That being Monsters.

In this film, the Monsters are aliens that landed on earth six years prior. They came, they destroyed and they're still here. They plant their eggs on the sides of trees and continue to populate. They live in the Infected Zone of Mexico and Costa Rica. Which is choice real estate if you ask me. Warm, tropical, lush.

The film begins there, in Mexico, with a photojournalist who is chasing Monster photos. There are plenty of dead Monster photos to be had. Monster carcasses are plentiful with their charred, black tentacles strung over really tall buildings. However, the photographer needs a live Monster photo. This brings in the most cash. He's not having much luck.

He is then presented with an opportunity. He is hired to escort a wealthy businessman's daughter out of the infected zone. He's not too keen on this. "I don't want to be a baby sitter.", he says. Eventually, being cash poor, he relents. This begins a pilgrimage back to the United States.



I loved Samantha, the blond, for so many reasons. First off, she's not a whiner! Not once did she complain or bemoan her circumstances. Secondly, she is very lovely to watch for two hours. Not at all hard to be around. She is not a hardened badass, flinging machetes left and right. Not that there is anything wrong with grabbing an M-16 and blowing away some Monsters. But in this film, it would have been completely uncalled for. Samantha is womanly, tender and beautiful. Like I said, I loved her.



I also loved how the two began to interact. At first, the photographer is a bit huffy when he offers his masculine touches of care. Like letting her go first when they board a train. Or stepping up to the ticket counter and buying tickets. Eventually he does this with a smile. Eventually he does this as an act of caring.

It shows she is valued. And she accepts the care nicely. Like a dance really. The man will lead and the woman responds. It's delicate, powerful and made my heart ache. What makes this even more powerful is the setting.

All this growing lovey between the two happens as they travel through the jungle, finding devastation and wearing gas masks to stay alive. The Monsters are ever present. Picking up cars and F-16 fighter jets, tossing them down mountain sides. Killing scores of humans like unseen ants.



My favorite scene is pictured above. They are walking through a destroyed village and Samantha pulls out a gas mask. The photographer gently touches her forearm and hands her his mask. He does this because his mask is full gas mask, complete with eye protection. Hers was only a half mask. They exchange masks silently. This scene made me weepy.

There is a whole other part to the scene that make me jump. Because before I forget, this movie scared the crap out of me. Really, it's not just the tender, its the scary too. That's why I loved this movie, hook line and sinker.

I watched Fellini's 'La Dolce Vita' really, really drunk. And it was blurry fun.

When I was 15 I tore out a picture.

From a library book.

It was a book on film.

This is the photo.

For years I saved that photo.

I loved that imaginary woman up there.

I wowed at her.

I'm 35 now.

I still do a bit.

I finally watched the film she's from.

It's called "La Dolce Vita"

or The Sweet Life.

It's a Fellini Film. I was drunk.

This helped the viewing.

It helped a lot.

Trust me.

I've watched Fellini Films before.

The films appear to be all about one man,

and his many womens.

Here they are, all in one place.

The film is all Italian, smoking

and selfish sexual mores.

No one is more selfish,

or smokes more,

then the lead.

Gawd I miss smoking.

That man up there.

He sleeps with women the entire film.

It's really not that interesting.

And the woman I fell in love with,

she's only in the first half.

I can say this.

I love being a women.

I love the power,

the glory of our boobins.

We exude soft and warm.

Kind and inviting.

Whip smart and giving.

All at the same time.

It's really quite powerful.

Power he couldn't tame.

He ends the film all alone.

I highly recommend this film.

But only with a friend.

And only really, really drunk.

Arrivederci!!

I watched Kick-Ass and Slyde asked me what I thought

Slyde will be the next winner of Survivor. He will, you just watch!



When women partake in media, we find it hard to distinguish between the movie and ourselves. This is true when we watch porn. We think about the woman writhing around, their path in life, what they wanted to be when they grew up. We compare their acrylic nails to our own. Then we think some more and then the whole process of enjoying adult entertainment comes crashing down. It's innate and unwavering, this instinct to blur the lines.

What does this have to do with Kick-Ass? Simmer down people, I'm getting there.

This blurring is most prominent when children are on the screen. Especially if the woman watching the movie is a mom. That would be me, all three: Woman, mother, over thinker.

Kick-Ass, the movie, is about several kids. Different ages, all the same task. Each one has, by either default or design, become a superhero. The kid in front is Dave Lizewski, this is him right here.



I have a lot of painful and giggly appreciation for his character's plight. I can see the bone crushing beauty underneath all that curly hair and geek glasses. I feel bad for all 16 year old boys out there. I wonder what it must be like, all that unbridled lust trapped inside, having no clue to procure a vessel to spend it on. Dave learns a trick though. Girls like boys who appear wounded or venerable. Dave pretends he's gay. This fits both criteria. And thus a girl flocks to him.

I can't help but feel a gut twisting when I look at that photo. I think of a sixteen year old Mr. Hall. All dadless and crucified by coke bottle glasses and a terrible 1970's polyester wardrobe. I look at his high school photos and I cannot recognize him. He's there though, underneath it all. What I wouldn't give to go back in time, to be his high school girlfriend. Giving him regular greedy naked love.




But, ehem, back to the film. . . . .

Other, loftier urges trouble Dave. He is a gigantic comic book fan. Super heroes are made of legendary stuff, bullet proof and ten feet tall. But, as his friends discuss, not every super hero is super human. Some are just highly trained and have expensive toys. Dave revels in this idea and creates himself a superhero. His outfit is really a wetsuit.



But he's not the only one with these urges and access to online shopping. There are other characters. One of them is called "Hit Girl." When I first saw the previews for this film, I reacted violently to Hit Girl. I have a girl about the same age. To see Hit Girl swearing and killing just about made me not even watch this movie. Because girls need protecting and time to be children. Not be all cussing killing machines.



When she appears though, the film turns on me. But not in the way I expected.

Why she's tough, why she's a superhero, is that she's being molded by her Dad. Which was a nice spin on female superheroes by the way. Someone is guiding her. However misguided that may be, it's her Dad at the helm. And I must say, Nicholas Cage doesn't fuck it up too bad in this role. It wasn't pleasing, but it wasn't painful either.



All of these elements collide to form an interesting plot course and finishes off the film quite nicely. I'll let you watch it to figure out how it all comes together.



But, let me leave you with this. The world can be a pretty hard place. There is evil and avarice all around us. Kids are not immune to it and we only hope to protect them for a little while. But while we are at it, why not throw in some bad ass teachings. Teach them to toughen and steel themselves of their own free will. That way, when they meet their nemesis, when they come face to face with evil, they can bust out some Kick-Ass moves of their own.

I'm about to develop an obsession with Cary Grant

I'm what they call a bossy, alpha female type.

I need a man who can handle such aggressive energy and do it all the while I have no idea I'm being handled.

Mr. Hall excels at this.



And then, after watching Charade (the movie I wrote about last Saturday) I found myself intrigued by Mr. Cary Grant.

This is a man who handles many a bossy, alpha female type.

All the while, they have no idea.

Thus, I'm about to develop an obsession with Cary Grant. But, I don't know any other films he has made.

Any suggestions?

Enjoy the song! (just click the x to end the advert!)

Movies worth watching: Wildcats (with Goldie Hawn)

In 1986 Wildcats was released. I was 10, my brother was 12. He played football in the pee wee league, in high school and in college. He coaches football and teaches physical education for a living now. He's 35, I'm 33.

I really had no use for sports or phys. ed. growing up. I could've gotten to know my brother a lot more if I was into sports. But I wasn't. Years and years worth of games and I never went. It just wasn't my thing. bah.. That's crazy sauce.

No matter what, this movie will always be tied to my brother. We watched it over and over again on the VCR. I had no idea how inappropriate it was for a 10 year old to be watching this film. After all, re watching it recently, I noticed a truckload of swears and some blatant Goldie Hawn nudity.






Goldie Hawn is a woman who was born and bred to be a football coach. Only she has a jerk for a boss. A jerk that doesn't want her to coach. But, he eventually gives up and gives her a job coaching high school ball. Unfortunately, this job is in the ghetto. The Wildcats are comprised of hoodlums and ne'er do wells. Here they are in the ghetto milieu.



Meanwhile, she is also a mother of two girls, a teenager and a 12 year old. A single mother. I didn't get this story line when I was a wee pup. Watching it a few days ago though, I was blown away. And now I can't stop thinking about it.

There's a scene where she comes come late from practice. She tries to hastily make dinner. The older teenage girl pitches a fit, she just wants to go to the library. The 12 year old girl whines because she is not home as much.



Goldie Hawn takes the girls onto her bed and explains the following.

"Mommy is a coach as well as a Mommy. And I want to be the best coach there is. Just like I would you want to be the best at whatever you want to be."

The 12 year old girl pipes up, "I wanna be an astronaut."

The teenage girl goes, "Don't be stupid, you can't be an astronaut." And rolls her eyes all stupid teenage girl like.

To which Goldie Hawn replies, "She can be anything she wants."

Then she hugs them and I just about lost it.

Because I am a mom that does not home school, bake bread or sew her kids clothes from scratch. I am a nurse practitioner who spends 9 hours a day in the service of others. I have every weeknight and every weekend off. And I hope and pray that because of this, I am being the best Mommy I can be. I am showing my girl that if you work hard enough, if you dig deep, you can conquer anything.

If you have enough fortitude and work hard enough, your dreams will come true.



So let's end this with my favorite scene.

This scene is from early in the film. The team is none to pleased with a woman coach. They try to degrade her and make her quit.

She gets pissed. She then challenges them to see who's tougher. If they win, she quits, if she wins they start calling her by her proper name, Coach.

Guess who wins?

You're right.

Mothers are a tough bad ass bunch.

Movies worth watching: Terminator 2

I've never been a fan of the 'bangs below the eyebrows' hair cut. I always get twitchy when such things appear on screen. I reflexively push my bangs to the side. Yet there she was, with her bangs in her eyes. I was stilled by it.

I will never forget the scene where she is in a white tank top, cotton hospital pajama bottoms, having just clobbered the guard with a broken broom stick and then she runs down the hall.



She has the guards black nightstick tucked behind her. The hospital is all white and moonlit. She skips along the hallway, staying very close to the wall. She is very deft and quiet. I remember how it felt watching this. I remember feeling the vinyl flooring, the socks on her feet. It was all surreal and hushed.

The hospital she was in, was a crazy hospital. She often looked crazy in that film.



Which is unfortunate.

The Terminator films fall under the category of "Science Fiction". Also, the star of the film is this machine like man.



I can tell you I have never seen a film with him in it. Well, besides this film. I am not sure I ever saw Terminator One. I am not a girl who understands Science Fiction very easily. Which is sad for me. My husband just loves Blade Runner. I've watched it about three times now. I still have no idea what the heck.

The same can be said for this film. The underpinnings escape me somewhat. What never failed to escape me is the humanity of it all. That crazy woman had a son. Edward Furlong was my age when this came about. He's my age now.

After she escapes the hospital, she meets up with her son. There is lots of shooting. She escapes in a car with her son. They haven't seen each other for quite sometime. He is a confused, messed up kid sitting in the backseat who just sprung his mom from the booby hatch. He is elated. She is in the passenger seat. She turns around and reaches for him as they speed down the highway. He leans forward for a hug.



But she's not hugging him. She's patting him down to make sure he's not shot. He is hurt by this. I was crushed a bit too.



There's a speech that Sarah Conner has. Clad in a army green tank top, smoking a cig, cleaning her gun. She's watching her son high five Arnold. She talks about who Arnold is to her son. He is a man who will protect her son at all costs and never leave him. Of all the father figures she could have chosen, this is the one who is the best.

And as crazy as she is, she's right. But then again, mom's usually are.





Now, you tell me. What do you remember of T2?

And for the love of Pete! Did ya'll know there was a T4?