Family love, day three and three quarters

I had a statue of an Indian woman in my house for years and year. Indian as in Hindu/Buddha type woman. It was a leftover from my love affair with Buddhism. This love affiar is now a sweet remembrance and not a present part of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love a chubby Budda as much as the next one. Asian philosophy is a kind and wonderful way to think about life. But, it's not my religion.

I fall under the category of garden variety Christian. I co-lead a women's bible study group. Within that group are women that run more fundamental than I. Fundamental meaning they don't watch R rated movies, drink alcohol or read books like Lord of the Rings. They're kind of like nuns. Only they're married with kids, just like me.

These women I study with, they've been with me through my miscarriages. There has been some movement about this in terms of healing. Mr. Hall and I have started to talk about miscarriages like it really happened. We lost real babies. Complete with names.

SO, here we go.

The first baby we lost lived six weeks in my belly. I didn't really have a name picked out, but we've named him John.

The second baby we lost may or may not have been real. I only had a pregnancy test and my left over HCG (that's the hormone that makes the pregnancy test turn positive) may have been left over from John.

The third baby was already named. I called her Chloe. She made me super sick during the 16 weeks I had her in my belly. Even when her soul went to heaven (at 11 weeks) my body was still trying to take care of hers. My placenta was still pumping out hormones and nutrients. I feel enormously happy about this. Even after she was physically taken from my womb, my body started producing milk to feed her. I am happy about this too.

And we still love them. John and Chloe. They are as real to us as Pancake and Mac. And we have our faith. I lean on this and wow is that healing! Some days the pain of all this knocks me down and consumes me. Some days I feel such joy that I had them even if it was a few weeks. On those days I really feel I'll see them again. God didn't take them from me, I'll see them in heaven. I can feel this on days I let God in to heal me.

Which brings us to now. Mr. Hall and I are without barriers to pregnancy. No more birth control. We've surrendered our will to God and are letting Him work through this, through us. And naturally I turn to my Christian sisters. Even the fundamentalist ones because they love me and support me in awesome ways.

One thing they did say was to rid my house of false idols. Which sounds silly. But, we already love the baby that will come next. And it's best to care for her every way possible.

So, I gave away my Indian woman sculpture in the name of family love :)

Seven Days of Family Love, day two-ish

I've had an entire week, here at the House of Hall. Complete with my son, daughter and husband. We've kept our schedule light and breezy. Plenty of time for my kids to spend hours in their own little playworld. They create entire scenarios with their dragons, reptiles and assorted lego figurines. For hours and hours they'll play. Their dynamic works quite well, my daughter is a leader and my son follows. They love each other so much.

This summer they were in two weddings. Each time a flower girl and a ring bearer. It was awesome. Especially during the receptions. My son is a chick magnet and worked the room. Pulling reluctant party goers from their tables. Dancing up a storm with lots of middle aged ladies. When the song was over he'd tell them, "I'll call you!" (No really, he did. Daddy told him to say that! :)

My daughter danced too. Swaying in her pretty dress, all silly with family love. I held her and we swayed together. My kids danced together too. It was wonderful, each of those weddings.

Given that, imagine my surprise to hear them playing a game called 'divorce' during one of their marathon playing sessions. In their pretend world, two of their plushy dragons had had a fight. My son was beside himself about it all. He didn't like that game one bit!

I went upstairs to check on things. See if I could help the dragons get back together. However, by the time I got up there, the dragons had reconciled. "They're back together Mommy," my daughter explained, "The fight is over." My son was much relieved by this. He wiped his tears and hugged his sister.

"I don't wanna be divorced.", he said. "I always wanna be married to Pancake!"

Which means during those weddings, he thought he was getting married too. :)

Seven days of family love, day one

Pancake and her Daddy were making Lego castles today. Her little brother was down for a nap. I was about to go up for a nap when the phone rang. It was an automated message informing us that one of the school teachers had passed away. We didn't recognize his name because he wasn't Pancake's teacher. I asked her if she knew what had happened. "He got sick, in his brain.", she said.

Then her Daddy asked her, "So, what are your feelings on the matter?" I loved the way he asked it. He was asking her opinion on the matter, the pros and the cons. Maybe brainstorm ideas on how to handle the sad of the situation. It was loving, thorough and efficient. Which explains a lot of Mr. Hall.

Then we asked Pancake about the teacher. Again, she didn't really know him. She described him though, she said, "He had blond hair and he was big. Not as big as you Daddy, but close."

Daddies are huge. So is their love :)

General tomfoolery

At 2.22 am last night the wee Mac was yelping on the bathroom floor. He's had a cold recently and was cough, cough, coughing most of the night.
"I gotta go potty!!!", he yelped. With my eyes still closed I yelped back, "YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM!! JUST GO!!!" This did no good.

I got up and helped the little guy. He's a such a heavy sleeper, sleeps through thunderstorms and everything. So even though he made it to the bathroom, he couldn't make it any further. He was just sitting on the floor, like his legs didn't work. Poor little guy.

I had to carry him back to bed even. Then he starting coughing again. Cough, cough, coughing and sleeping at the same time. It's a skill. I can't really sleep if he's coughing though. I wake up every so often and listen to him breathe and cough. Cause that's what Mommies do, its involuntary.

At 3.37 am I heard Mr. Hall running the water in the sink, shaving and swearing under his breath. He'll let his furriness grow until guard duty and then hack it off. I heard him make coffee and head out the door. Three more weekends of guard duty and he'll be retired. Can't wait.

At the butt crack of dawn the kids piled into bed with me. I didn't look at the time because I didn't want to cry. It wasn't all that light out yet, I knew that much. They did their best to heed my warning of "You can both stay here but!! NO talking, no singing, no twitching or moving!!" Alas, they couldn't help themselves. They get so excited in the morning. Out of bed we went. It was 7.15 am. Not too shabby actually. Like sleeping in. ;)

Been a good day. Parks, games of tag and general tomfoolery. Came home, had lunch complete with apple juice. Gave Mac some cough medicine for his nap. Pancake settled in for some Lego Harry Potter. And I did a face plant for two hours.

GODDAMM that was a good nap!! I feel ten years younger.

Then, tomorrow, Mr. Hall comes home. Woo hoo! I do so miss him on these weekends :)

Good Morning Campers!

SO jazzed about today. Kids slept until 9 AM! Feeling all sorts of put together. So many places we can go, so many things we can do. Shall it be the zoo? The park? A quick coffee at the cafe?

Maybe we should run around howling like monkees for a while? Pretend we are a colony of apes. We can built a fort in the forest living room, hiding with flashlights!

Who knows?

:)

I love Saturdays!

Thank you, Dinosaur Train and Nightswimming

Thank you dinosaur train, for coming on at 8.00 am this morning. And thank you Thomas the train for coming on right after. Because the wee Mac cuddled for a solid 45 minutes, all warm on the couch, his back glued to my front.

And thank you eggs, toast. and jelly. Thank you omelet pan too.

Thank you Mac, for asking Pancake to "Come sit next to me and eat oatmeal." Then looking at her and turning to me all smiles and saying "That's my SIISSster, Pancake.

And thank you Pancake for hugging your brother and patting him on the back. Thank you for saying, "My brother is such a little bug!" And thank you for getting him a napkin before I asked you too.



Because every few minutes I would have this paroxysms of overwhelming joy. Because all of this will happen at our new house next Saturday.

And then I said to Mr. Hall, "When it's hot and summer out, we'll put the kids to bed and you and I can go nightswimming in our pool."

And he said, "Yeah, we can be all sneaky and swim naked."

It's almost too much for the human spirit to bear, this joy I feel.

Take care everyone and have a good weekend. ;)