The blog, she is neglected lately. I just don't have the inner tormoil I use to have. No inner conflict to write about. Plus, there is facebook. I document my life there so here is neglected.

BUT. I am still a busy bee. Being a wife, mom, nurse and now foster mom.

WIFE

I love being married. I love being Mrs. Hall. We've been married 12 years now and he still rings my bell. No better way to start my day then standing in the kitchen, holding hands with him and praying. Love it!

MOM

3 kids now

Pancake-age 10.

She is so smart and kind. Very much her own girl. Owns a cornsnake, likes bugs and dirt. READS CONSTANTLY. Goes to Zumba and yoga with me and we do inverted headstands together. Starting to show some tween tendencies of self consciousness and shyness. My plan is to use prayer and yoga to GET HER THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS. That and making sure she has plenty of time with her girlfriends so they can be silly and giggle and giggle and silly. She's such a jokster!

Mac-age 6.

Every morning we say 'MAC GET DRESSED!' and 'MAC, EAT YOUR OATMEAL.' Ten minutes later we'll find him sitting there, shirt on backwards, having taken two bites of oatmeal lost in his own little world. He'll smile and say, "If twins don't live in the same house, do they have the same birthdays?" or "How do arrows know how which way to point?" He's a thinker that one. A silly, jokster thinker who never sits still. Like if Plato was a hummingbird.

River-age 5 months

OH THIS BOY OF MINE. I am over the moon with him. So squiggly, so smiley, so baby chubby thighs and giggles. The photo says it all!

NURSE

Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practioner actually

I still have crazy patients and moral dilemas, but there are less so these days. I have found a groove and really enjoy my work. I get to guide people through their crisis and help them heal. It's humbling work. I am very blessed.

FOSTER MOM

The abstract idea of 'being a foster family' started as a whisper in my heart. I heard the whisper, talked it over with Mr. Hall and we prayed. We prayed to let God guide us, let him reveal the opportunity and we would answer his call.

I can't help but giggle about it all. I can't believe how God has changed me through this process. Being a foster mom comes with so many challenges. But challenge makes the heart grow. Our family system has changed too. The kids are use to the other kids that come into our life. They adjust and grow too. Sometimes it's not pretty but in the end, it's amazingly beautiful.

So far, one child has been with us for over a year (on weekends). Another came here a few weeks ago.

It's a task of loving without expectation. We never know when these kids might leave our life. So we love them now, while they're here. We don't know what will happend. So we give them hugs and prayer and warm meals. These kids are great and challenging. I hope OH I HOPE they benefit from seeing Mr. and Mrs. Hall loving each other and treating each other right. I hope they feel God's love.

And it's not just the kids. These kids have bio-moms and bio-grandmas. They are hurting too. Sometimes the bio family members call and it's totally awkward. We help the kids make art projects to bring on their family visits. We send photos and emails. We say, 'he had a great time at the zoo this weekend' or 'She really liked going to the library with us.' We keep things light and positive in one of darkest situations ever.

It's the ultimate task of not judging. Because God didn't call to us to judge, He called us to be shining examples of His light and love.

SO

that's my comings and goings. howzit with yous?

Hallucinating at the dentist's office

The wee babe, now two months, wakes up every 1-2 hours for food. He does this 24 hours a day. Needless to say, I am sleep deprived. Zombie sleep deprived.

However, life doesn't stop just because you have a newborn. There is laundry to wash, hungry older kids to be fed and root canals to canal.

Stupid root canals.

I woke up about 10 minutes before my dentist appt and drove half asleep to the office.  I knew I was in trouble when I got in the chair. I couldn't wake the frick up. I had been up all night with Mr. Thirsty. HEY. That's what we should call the new baby in this blog, Mr. Thirsty!

Also of note, my peripheral vision wasn't coming in right. Like tunnel vision.  Then I realized I hadn't eaten in over 18 hours. I should have pounded a coffee and a muffin before I left. Shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Anywho-they started by  injecting stuff in my cheek then laying me down to let it set up. Which didn't help. I started to have sleep dips when they left me alone. I started to panic. I needed to be awake so I could keep my mouth open. So they could do the flippin root canal.

At this point, I started getting giggly. Then, the dark outer edges of my vision started getting sparky. Yep, I was hallucinating sparks at the dentist's office. Then, my boobs started to leak. That special kind of leak that nursing moms get. Thankfully I was wearing boobie  pads and didn't leak through my sweater. Score!

At this point I decided not to fight it. If I was going to spaz out and go absolutely insane, I needed to let it be. So, I settled back with my sparks, my sleep dips and my leakiness.

Good times people, good times :)

Mr. Thirsty is almost ten pounds now. He was born a little sprout, five lbs five oz. He was little enough to warrent a week's stay in the NICU. I can't tell you how happy I am he's grown so much in two months time.

The past weeks have been such a blur. But I'm so greedy for all of this. I want to remember this blur, this tired, this non stop feeding. I cradle his head in my hands and just sob sometimes. We worked so hard to get him. Two years with two miscarriages and then his pregnancy took. I was so pukey for 5 months, then came the migraines and back pain.

His pregnancy was the hardest of them all-physically, mentally, emotionally. We won't be pregnant again, Mr. Hall has been taken care of. Which I'm not suppose to blog about so there Mr. Hall, I'm not blogging about it.

So all of this- the tired, the hallucinating, the happy happy booby buffet feedings-- I keep it here to read over and over and  remember years later. And for Mr. Thirsty to read when he is older too.