RAWR!!

My work uses internet explorer 7 so no pictures and no spell correction for you dear readers. I can't blog at home either. Because blogging is done on company time only.

SUNDAY-Had braxton hicks something fierce. I am now 35 weeks so that seems about right. Braxton Hicks are contractions that don't actually do anything. They are fake. Real contractions dilate the cervix, push the baby down and out. Braxton Hicks just hurt. It's like someone randomly starting a car, the engine revs in fits and starts but never turns over. Not yet anyway. Once it turns over, labor will be officially on and YAH WHOO!!!!

So, I tried to take a nap to ease the fake, yet very painful, contractions. Tried to sleep because I can't sleep at night. I'M SO DANG TIRED AND SO BIG AND SO SWOLLEN. About an hour in I hear my daughter holler at my son.

My daughter is nine, she's bossy. She hollers to my son, "MAC!! DO NOT PEE YOUR PANTS!!" My son is five. He's potty trained. He just doesn't like stopping what he's doing to go potty. So, he peed his pants. I get up from my nap, put him on a time out, then get back to my nap.

That's right.

I interrupted my nap, that was suppose to quell my braxton hicks, to put my five year old on a time out for peeing his pants.

THAT IS THE DIFERRENCE BETWEEN HAVING ONE CHILD AND THREE CHILDS.

yep, mmhmm :)

MONDAY-Had my OB appt. Mr. Hall went along. Which focuses me a bit. I'm so scatter brained these days and don't really make much sense. Mr. Hall directs my questions. The main question I had was about the birth of my yet unborn. "Can I have a c-section?" I asked. I had a c-section with my daughter, went totally natural with my son. I'm not particularly attached the natural child birth.



So, I explain my son's birth to the OB. I explain how I tried to have an epidural with my son but it didn't work. The epidural only numbed my right knee.

This gets Mr. Hall going. He interrupts me and says,

"YEAH. And they still charged us for it!!"

He loves saying this. It's his favorite joke.

Never fails to make people laugh though.

The ob explained my options which do in fact include a c-section. Which I don't think I'll take unless needed. I have contractions on and off these days. Which means my body is getting ready.

Which makes me so excited and over the moon. We already love him so much, our little bean.

Praise!

On babies and being eight months pregnant

Last night we went to see our friend's new baby. 7 lbs of day old newborn. All Maggie Simpson on the nuk, sleepy and easy to hold. As I held her my pains and aches went away. Newborn babies are the elixir that cures pretty much every woe.

This photo below, is my current baby. Well, it was him 14 weeks ago. Back when I was 20 weeks pregnant. Cute pregnant. Little belly pregnant.

This is me now. I am 34 weeks, or, about 8 months. I can't eat, sleep, breathe, walk or get comfortable. My back spasms throughout the day and I have an unending need to pee. My pelvic bones are breaking apart most of the time. It's like when you crack your knuckles, only it's my pelvic bones cracking when I walk. I don't say these things to whine and complain, I say them because they are part of my current complex craziness.

Holding that baby last night, it broke open my last vestige of denial. I've talked to other Moms who have had miscarriages and we all experience denial with recurrent pregnancies. It's involuntary. We little forget we are pregnant to buffer our fear and pain. Crazy denial.

The first five months I was super sick with morning sickness, so that took care of a lot of my crazy denial. Then my belly poked out a little and it was like the castle in the fish bowel. A surprise every time for me. But a great surprise, like winning the lottery every time I looked down and noticed my belly.

I've struggled with fear. Crazy amounts of fear that wax and wane. Fear that this baby died. I get obsessed with feeling my baby move and struggle when he doesn't. I have had nightmares and obsessive thoughts of sad. It has gotten better the more I pray and go to bible study. The more I reach out to God, the more I heal and let the love flow.

Praying has made the biggest difference in the world.

And now, I am nearing the end of my pregnancy. I feel things loosen and change. He's so big inside me. I can feel his feet, his arms and his head. He's so strong that his thumping movements can be seen from the outside.

My faith has over come my fear. It's all so wonderful. I'm so thankful :)

Fine Breaking Bad, I'm not made of wood, I'll watch you. yo.

Season one thoughts.

Why don't I give in to these things? Countless bloggers have extolled the virtues of this show. Friends have recommended it. Yet, I have resisted.

Then, I started reading the recaps of the lastest season.

SO. Started watching it.

It brings up a number of questions, season one. Questions Mr. Hall and I debate.

Like:

If you had some serious cancer eating away at your insides, would you go through chemo knowing there was only a slim chance it would work?

Would you crank out crystal meth and sell it to people to make the payments on said chemo?

Is it evil to cook and sell the meth?

How come the wife isn't supportive or warm? She's quitely emasculating which irritates the crap out of me. Sigh. SIGH.

Somehow we women have been sold a bill of goods that in order to be strong we must be ball busters. This is not how God made us. Our strength is in our softness. Our strength is in our love. I would have held Walt's hands, supporting him with his non-chemo requests.

She does seem to come around though, near season two beginning.

Why does Walt not have a better job? He seems smart and had some personality in the flashbacks of his life. Not so much of a shell.

Well, for us, the first question is a tough question. About the chemo. We Halls are believers there is much more than this life. If God is calling us home, why fight it? Let God's plan unfold, it's going to anyway. But, if Walt went on hospice, prayed and quietly went into this good night, it wouldn't be much of a show-now would it?

Question 2: Is it evil to cook and sell the meth?

This divides Mr. Hall and I. I say yes, selling meth is spreading evil. He says no, people have personal choices that they make and we aren't responsible for them. It's a weird sticking point between him and I.

But.

There are a thousand other things underneath this character. Things manly and masculine that I can't begin to fathom. Men have a call to fix, to provide, to be men. I do worry though. Where is the wellspring of yon Walter White's power as he becomes a man?

Is it evil?

We shall see. . .

onto season two


yo.