Sunday, April 17, 2011

Number 14: I use to shoplift and steal, a lot

Welcome back to "Getting to know Mrs. Hall" Numbers 1-13 are HERE

I started shoplifting when I was about 13. Just when malls starting sprouting up. I remember I stole these black jeans with white polka dots. I was good at stealing. So good in fact, that the sales girl was helping me try things on as I stole it.

I went on to pilfer eye liner and mascara. I didn't need to though. I didn't wear make up. I stole because it made me friends. I stole and gave stuff away.


I also would take things from the people I babysat for. Trinkets and whatnot. I wasn't intentionally trying to do anything against them. I just saw stuff I liked and took it. It never occurred to me that that was wrong. It never gave me cause to pause why I kept losing babysitting jobs. (I hang my head in shame typing this.)

Then, one Friday fish fry night, at the Knights of Columbus no less, I found myself face to face with a mirror just like this:



I was fascinated by the little round light bulbs. So, being a thief, I unscrewed one. With my finger prints dully burnt, I put in in my pocket. That's when I realized I HAD MYSELF A PROBLEM.

I had gone from shoplifter to klepto. Thus ended my five finger discount career.

Then. THEN. Last Thanksgiving.

We were at my Aunt in Laws house. The kitchen is huge and my Uncle in Law makes the best Thanksgiving eats ever! Only my AIL kind of ruins it. She hovers and bosses. Even though she is not cooking anything.

Well, the food is still fantastic. And I've learned how to tune her out.

Also, this Thanksgiving, Mr. Hall was late. Mac needed stitches after all. When he got to the house my AIL had everything wrapped up and put in the fridge. Which really? I mean, food on Thanksgiving is meant to be eaten, then you go lay on the couch with mulled wine, then you go back. You don't hurry your guests. You don't start wrapping food after one plate full.

Mr. Hall got a bunch of stuff out and heated it up. Which is awesome.

But my AIL kind of hovered. Hurrying us up. The men folk don't seem bothered by this. They all stretch out on the couch, watching football. Drinking old timey nogg.

I was kind of miffed about it though. I mean, we traveled two hours. They didn't start dinner till 5. We were out of there by 8. This is no good.

So. I stole a beloved catalog of my beloved AIL.

THIS CATALOG



Which is filled with high priced crazy gear. And is a catalog I love so much but never get because I would never buy anything from it! So I took hers!

mmwwwhhhhaa haa haa!!


Janes Addiction - Been Caught Stealing

Rab | Myspace Video

5 Left a message at the beep:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Well, what a time to quit shoplifting, just when you'd singed off your fingerprints so you'd never get caught!!! (Irony--love it)
I wonder if you did it so long because no one ever caught you? Every kid goes through that, but most don't get far...

Mrs. Hall said...

yeah, if I'd been caught once that would have been it!

i have an abject fear of authority :)

Lotus07 said...

You can come and visit, but I am never letting you inside my house.......

Mrs. Hall said...

U don't have to let me in your house, just your bathroom :)

Slyde said...

i remember that when i was younger, i once stole a pair of x-ray joke glasses from the local conveinience store, and i felt like shit about it for days...

i'm an angel..

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