Welcome back to getting to know Mrs. Hall.
Numbers 1-12 is here
I excel at being nice. When talking to people, I smile. I ask questions and listen. I pay full attention when people are talking and remember things so I can follow up when we talk again. Manners are very important to me. Life is hard. Kindness is liquid gold.
But. There's a limit.
Pancake received an invite to a friend's birthday party. I called the Mom to double check the details. We chatted about other stuff too. She was nice. I got excited. OooOOooh I thought, potential Mommy friend!
Then I dropped my daughter off at Chuck-E-Cheese for the birthday party. Have you ever been to Chuck-E-Cheese? Me neither. It was exactly like I thought it would be. Every few inches something was either flashing, beeping and wailing. Or all three. Chuck-E-Cheese is like Dante's 5th circle of Hell.
Then I saw the Mom. And her husband. They kind of look like the couple up there. Chubby midwesterners. (shut up, I'm down 3 lbs already!) And my hopes of making new friends went kerplunk.
kerplunk i say!!
Ten to one they didn't go to college. They probably like bud light. The Mom probably likes romantic comedies and makes a mean casserole. The husband likes to talk sports and go ice fishing. I bet they've never HEARD OF HUMMUS. They probably watch a lot of TV. In short, they're townies.
Now, I realize I'm judging. But, I am probably right.
Stereotypes are real time savers.
And I say no. I won't be friends with them. Because I'm not anything like them. And I'm coming to the conclusion I can't keep compromising as I make my friends. I have a level of passion and interest in life that makes me very happy. I'm always finding wonder and awesome everywhere. And I like to read. And I like to watch Zombie films. I like to talk about God and miracles. And I like to explore and run and play every day of my life.
Unfortunately, the Mom keeps trying. Her kid and my kid are in school together and she'll pass notes to me via the teacher. I find notes written by her in my kid's take home folder.
"We should get together sometime!!" or "I have pictures from the birthday party!! You should come over and see them sometime!!!"
No. Not gonna happen. Move on to another nice person please!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Number 13: I'm nice, but not that nice
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I've written two books in four years, have eaten alligator, kangaroo, snails, quail, venison, ostrich and buffalo. Not to mention that thing from Africa. In my lifetime I've met Bill Veeck, Bill Murray, and I think that was Janis Joplin. I've been part of a cult, and worked to destroy that cult from outside. I've gotten paid to act. Took LSD on final exam day as a senior. I'm a convinced Quaker. I still drink too much. I can cook up an evening of tapas that will blow your socks off. Because I've taken cooking classes. I've had poems and fiction published in the small press world. I've gone to football games when it was -40 wind chill, and dipped my hand in the beer cooler to warm up in the parking lot. I'm a grandfather who reads stories. Built an entire Christmas train town in N scale. Subscribe to anarchist magazines. The editors write me notes. I've read Mumford, Braudel, and all three volumes of HL Mencken's "The American Language." I once had a writing instructor who dated Hemingway before he went to France. I've been to Ireland, England, Scotland, Mexico, Jamaica, and all but seven states of the union. I saw Bjork before anybody more than twelve people in America knew who the heck she even was. I consider myself an expert in the history and trivia of the Deadball era, and knew right away that in the movie "Eight Men Out," they had Eddie Collins batting from the wrong side of the plate.
And I look like a pot-bellied past-middle-aged nerd geek from the boonies and have worn the same shoes to work for the past five years.
Never judge a book by its cover.
you need to get new shoes buddy.
That's all I'm sayin!
Stereotypes are real time savers...
That is golden, Mrs. True Story :)
There is a home school group down here, and one day the mom-leader stopped by to sell me some boyscout popcorn, and while I was filling out the form, she was perusing my book shelf. She suddenly stopped & said, "I've never seen books like these before. Where are you from?"
Uhh..what? Poe? Deepak Chopra? Oprah's Book Club? Eat Pray Love? Spiritualism? The Complete Neurotic? (seriously funny book)
Which one was it? Which one sold me out as an outsider?
Cesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer?
I didn't ask which ones she meant, but it occasionally bugs me, and sometimes I'll stand there looking at them wondering.
Anyhoo, there are some that, yes absolutely, you can tell by looking. I would not take her bait either.
Oooh tell me about it!!
Like zombie films are JUST SO WEIRD!!
ug.
power to the us, the ones who seek a deeper truth and like to draw mustaches on pictures!!
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