Thursday, September 3, 2009

My crazy is attracting wildlife

This one time, at band camp, wait . . no, that's not right. Lemme start again.

This one time, when I was driving on a four lane highway, I saw somebody's wheel come clean off. I was in the right lane, he was all the way over in the opposite right lane. And his front wheel just rolled right off. Then a huge, bright-orange shower of sparks flew into the air as his rim skidded on the concrete.

He pulled over safely. The tire merrily rolled it's way across our lanes. No harm, no foul.

That's my brain right now. The wheels are falling off. And my crazy is activated. Which I am perfectly ok with. Because I know why I am going crazy. And it's all good.

Now animals are getting in on the act.

A few days ago, I was driving home from work. I had just left the parking lot and was on a side street. Then I saw an animal lounging in the middle of the road, almost blocking me. I slowed to way down, trying to figure out what it was. It took me a good five minutes. It was about the size of a cat, but it was reddish-orange and had wiry hair. It moved more like a dog but with a big puffy tail, with a white puff on the end. Then it hit me.


I have never seen a fox before. It was really cool. And really, it was lounging. We made eye contact. The fox sauntered off, all causual. There was no scurring, it just sauntered. All relaxed and see ya later babe.

Then yesterday, I was walking to my car on my lunch break. Looking down, I thought I saw a grass hopper on the sidewalk. It was blindingly sunny out. OOH so sunny and oooohhh so deliciously warm. But, it couldn't be a grasshopper. It looked too big and had a slanted "H" shape. I thought it was a wood chip, all broken or something.

I was walking and staring at it and walking and ... WHAMO!! Two grass hoppers jumped all the way up and pounced against my chest.

I screamed like a little girl!!!!!!

It echoed. Really loudly. I looked around and thank God I was alone.

The grasshoppers, they were getting it on. Right outside the building where I work. On the sidewalk in front of God and everybody. And even in mid hop they didn't unlock themselves. That's dedication to propagation.

After the yelp I realized I had left through the wrong door. My car was parked on the other side of the building. Now, our building only has 10 parking spots. All of which are in the back. Not only had a left through the wrong door, there was no reason for me to forgot where I parked.

Yet, there I was. Getting pelted with mating grasshoppers. In the blinding midday sun. I started giggling at my dorkiness. Then I started laughing. Laughed all the way to the car. ;)

So really, the brain, it's coming unglued a bit. And being rampantly silly. And now, my crazy is attracting all sorts of wildlife. :)

Which is fine and dandy. I have been so wound tight, driving this tense stress ball of my life. Keeping it all together. And now, very soon, I will have a house all to my own. My husband will be back where he belongs. With us, the wife and kids. It's about time I unglued!

When I think about our new house, I feel like I've won the lottery. I just know the guy with the big check and camera crew and people with balloons are just waiting for me. I just keep seeing it, us, in our house.

Paroxysms! Visions! Unstoppable seizures of joy I tells ya!

It's been a long, long, long road. And finally, it's leading me home.*

*Thank you Cam! Your the best!

9 Left a message at the beep:

Heff said...

I have to lock myself to a female to get sex, too !

Maybe if you didn't leave the house dressed like Snow White.....

Mrs. Hall said...


that's some damn funny stuff their Heff ;)

But no, the outfit stays!

Verdant Earl said...

I've got an interesting wildlife story myself. Look for it know where.

Mrs. Hall said...


sounds good.

looking forward to it :)

James said...

Here in England foxes are urbanised. We had one in our garden a couple of months back. We see them regularly, no big deal, especially at night. They always look at you like that, kind of arrogant, not scared.

Have to go out into the countryside to spot grasshoppers though.

Slyde said...

i see a fox every time i look in the mirror...

Mrs. Hall said...

James: Yes, they are arrogant little buggers eh? ;)

Slyde: HAH!!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Dang, if two grasshoppers bounced off my chest, I'd STILL be screaming like a little girl. OMG!

Cam said...

Mrs. Hall...

I read this back when you first posted it, and I've been thinking ever since about the journey that has taken you home, finally. I was hoping to draw some poetic words out of my inner Millay and let you know how much I think of you and your family. How I wish we lived closer than your northern exposure and my southern locale...

But, after all this time, I still got nothing. At best, I could poorly imitate Poe. Edna, I'm afraid, is just out of my league. So, I will say this:

You rock, too. And you will...


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...