Mrs. Hall: So, was looking through your "Hmm" folder.
Mr. Hall: Oh? (smiles)
Mrs. Hall: My question is, why do you have so many files, so many images and movies?
Mr. Hall: Well, I haven't had a chance to weed through them lately. But, it takes a lot of looking to find good porn.
Mrs. Hall: What makes good porn for you?
Mr. Hall: Well, it's really a matter of the end result. What the images provoke in terms of fantasies, feelings... I can tell you what I don't like all day . . .but . .
Mrs. Hall: The big fakins is no good. Where the skin is all rippled around the cantaloupes.
Mr. Hall: Yeah, no good. I like the more amateur stuff, less porn-ey that way. Less professional women who make their mouths gape, making that grunting noise, (he grunts, sticking his tongue out-grabs his chest all fake porn actress like)
Mrs. Hall: What's with all the barely legal stuff though?
Mr. Hall: The women haven't had a chance to get all fake and stripper shoes. There's not all that stupid branded tattoos, more geniune. That's what I like, geniune. I like the couple stuff, the amatuer stuff. Where the people look like they're loving each other.
Mrs. Hall: Huh. Well. You have a lot of women produced films, feminist porn and such. And I can be very thankful I didn't find any guy on guy stuff . . . .
Mr. Hall: THERE IS NO WAY MAN ON MAN PORN will be in the pile. Now, GILF stuff . . .
Mrs. Hall: GILF?
(Mr. Hall says nothing, then I sound out the words in my head.)
Mrs. Hall: GROSS!!!!!!
Mr. Hall: NAH! Just kiddin', NOGILF! There are some videos with guys in vinyl masks, whips and donkeys even.
Mrs. Hall: KNOCK IT OFF!! There is not!!
Mr. Hall: I have some hidden midget files.
Mrs. Hall: SHUT UP!!! STOP PLANTING IMAGES IN MY HEAD!!
The Character Builder's Bible
3 weeks ago