I watched Kick-Ass and Slyde asked me what I thought

Slyde will be the next winner of Survivor. He will, you just watch!



When women partake in media, we find it hard to distinguish between the movie and ourselves. This is true when we watch porn. We think about the woman writhing around, their path in life, what they wanted to be when they grew up. We compare their acrylic nails to our own. Then we think some more and then the whole process of enjoying adult entertainment comes crashing down. It's innate and unwavering, this instinct to blur the lines.

What does this have to do with Kick-Ass? Simmer down people, I'm getting there.

This blurring is most prominent when children are on the screen. Especially if the woman watching the movie is a mom. That would be me, all three: Woman, mother, over thinker.

Kick-Ass, the movie, is about several kids. Different ages, all the same task. Each one has, by either default or design, become a superhero. The kid in front is Dave Lizewski, this is him right here.



I have a lot of painful and giggly appreciation for his character's plight. I can see the bone crushing beauty underneath all that curly hair and geek glasses. I feel bad for all 16 year old boys out there. I wonder what it must be like, all that unbridled lust trapped inside, having no clue to procure a vessel to spend it on. Dave learns a trick though. Girls like boys who appear wounded or venerable. Dave pretends he's gay. This fits both criteria. And thus a girl flocks to him.

I can't help but feel a gut twisting when I look at that photo. I think of a sixteen year old Mr. Hall. All dadless and crucified by coke bottle glasses and a terrible 1970's polyester wardrobe. I look at his high school photos and I cannot recognize him. He's there though, underneath it all. What I wouldn't give to go back in time, to be his high school girlfriend. Giving him regular greedy naked love.




But, ehem, back to the film. . . . .

Other, loftier urges trouble Dave. He is a gigantic comic book fan. Super heroes are made of legendary stuff, bullet proof and ten feet tall. But, as his friends discuss, not every super hero is super human. Some are just highly trained and have expensive toys. Dave revels in this idea and creates himself a superhero. His outfit is really a wetsuit.



But he's not the only one with these urges and access to online shopping. There are other characters. One of them is called "Hit Girl." When I first saw the previews for this film, I reacted violently to Hit Girl. I have a girl about the same age. To see Hit Girl swearing and killing just about made me not even watch this movie. Because girls need protecting and time to be children. Not be all cussing killing machines.



When she appears though, the film turns on me. But not in the way I expected.

Why she's tough, why she's a superhero, is that she's being molded by her Dad. Which was a nice spin on female superheroes by the way. Someone is guiding her. However misguided that may be, it's her Dad at the helm. And I must say, Nicholas Cage doesn't fuck it up too bad in this role. It wasn't pleasing, but it wasn't painful either.



All of these elements collide to form an interesting plot course and finishes off the film quite nicely. I'll let you watch it to figure out how it all comes together.



But, let me leave you with this. The world can be a pretty hard place. There is evil and avarice all around us. Kids are not immune to it and we only hope to protect them for a little while. But while we are at it, why not throw in some bad ass teachings. Teach them to toughen and steel themselves of their own free will. That way, when they meet their nemesis, when they come face to face with evil, they can bust out some Kick-Ass moves of their own.