Monday, May 24, 2010

Fire on Babylon

So. Made a phone call today.
I called a birthing center. I'm exploring my options for the next pregnancy. Which I WILL NOT TELL YOU PEOPLE ABOUT. I'm not pregnant again so just simmer down. We will see in a few weeks if it worked this month, but again, NOT TELLING YOU PEOPLE. Until I am eight months pregnant. :P

Birthing centers are holistic places. Usually staffed by midwives. Midwives are nurses, like me. Advanced practice nurses. Which means they care more. They move slower, get to know their patients and have that whole nursing caring thing about them.

It was a rough phone call. I was polite, intelligent and well spoken. I explained about my daughter's birth a little. Which I don't like telling. I mean, we all know it worked out ok. But I don't like talking about the emergency C-Section. How I had an epidural and her heart rate was dropping. How they decided to section me, put me under general anesthetic and intubated me. So I missed the first 24 hours of my daughter's life because I was really groggy and my throat hurt because of the tube. It took me a good 5 weeks to realize I had given birth, to connect with my daughter in a loving way.

Five weeks old and there we were, in the kitchen. The room was lit with early morning light.I was warming her bottle, it was about 5 am. It was just me and her. I recognized her for the first time. I held her and said, "Your name is Pancake, my name is Momma." And then I sobbed because I felt it to be true.

Try summing THAT UP in a polite 5 minute phone call!

My son's birth was fabulous. FABULOUS with almost no interventions!! Birthed him right and proper. It was fabulous! The pain was fabulous, the joy was fabulous! I can wax poetic about his birth for days on end and still not be done.

TRY SUMMING THAT UP in a polite 5 minute phone call!!

Then, THEN I started summing up the miscarriage. This was easy, i relied on a lot of technical terms. Six weeks, early ultrasound, D&C, had no complications, no spotting. That was easy until the woman on the phone said, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage."

It took all my strength to keep it together.
Because midwives care.

But, I held it together, right and proper.
The thing is, I'm scared. I want another birth like my son's. All natural and blood guts and glory. I want to be cared for. And the next pregnancy I will be needy. I will need to be partners with my caregiver, not treat them as my assistants in the process. I need someone to guide me through this.

And I am fucking done with doctors.

SO. Wish me luck on everything. And thank you all for reading this. Getting it all out here does help keep me sane. As sane as I can be anyway.

16 Left a message at the beep:

B.E. Earl said...

OK, since you WON'T BE TELLING US ABOUT IT, howabout telling us where that picture is from? It looks familiar. Maybe A Nightmare on Elm Street or the remake?

Mrs. Hall said...

Let the right one in-the sweedish vampire film silly!


just demonstrating the feelings via media :)

hee hee hee

elizabeth said...

Well spoken.

Both my babies grew differently, came differently and are very different...

I don't know that I could do it again... I'm sleepy just thinking about it but OH! the little feet!!


Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I had a midwife for my first child. He ended up needing to be delivered via section, but the midwife never left my side; she also took some killer photos....
Good luck with your search; you are so headed in the right direction!!

Mrs. Hall said...

Elizabeth: hello!! Ienjoy your site! Stop by any time!

Maureen:yeah, there are no gaurentees but with a midwive i've got the best shot ar holostic care. Thanx for the best wishes!

Heff said...


It's like telling a woman NOT to purchase shoes or purses - IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, LOL !!!

Mrs. Hall said...



Hee heee hee

B.E. Earl said...

Ah, I forgot about that scene. Nice.

So what was this post about again?

Mrs. Hall said...

Nothing at all, nothing to see here...move along!

Heff said...

- pern - !

Bruce said...

Two things....

1). You really have a big chip on your shoulder with Doctors don't you. Does this relate back to that dickhead doctor that made the sexual innuendo touchy feeling thing a few months ago.

2). What the hell does Fire in Babylon have to do with this post. Am I missing the connection?

Mrs. Hall said...

Heff: PERN!

Bruce: whaT? Are you analysing my posts? Calling out hidden themes? Talk about a reversal of roles! NICE!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Aww girl..I'm so sorry.

I too had my daughter first-a C-section and then my son-a VBAC.

No matter what happens, you know you will be better prepared the next time to give birth having done it both ways.

My word veri is "gynoli"..u think that's a sign?

white rabbit said...

Holistic birthing centres???

The ex was going to have our first child by natural methods....

Sometime into labour this became...




Mrs. Hall said...

Candy: It's ok. really. the vbac was so awesome that for the next 1.5 of my boy's life, if I stared at him to long, i would have these awesome flashbacks. seriously!

WHITE RABBIT: so, with the boy, I initially did have an epidural. it numbed my right knee ONLY. Finally i just said, take it out. AND THEN DID HAVE A NATURAL BIRTH AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!

so there!


white rabbit said...


Consider it taken.

You gave birth through your right knee??? :-O

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