Monday, February 15, 2010

White trash beautiful energy

Marriage is a funny thing.

The work of creating one begins even before you meet your husband or wife. It's true. Because iffn you ain't right before you throw down the vows, yon marriage won't be right neither.

Which brings me to Sarah. She is one of the new people who I hang out with in real life. She of the dinner where I got drunk and hit on the waitress. clicky de click click for that story.

When we were chatting during the dinner I asked her, "So, do you like your husband?". You can tell 99% of the health and wealth of a marriage by the person's response. She hesitated and looked down. Then she went into a lengthy defense about how it's getting better. How he's hunting and fishing less and sticking around more.

Two weeks after our dinner, she finds out he's been cheating on her. For a long time. They have two kids. Got married in high school. His name is . . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . he's name is Rusty. They are white trash.

And then she decided to divorce him. She moved out of the house and got an apartment.

Let's say that again.

He's an asshole that said, "Look, you get an apartment with the two kids. I'll stay here at the house." Rusty is like The King of White Trash.

I judge him, o yes I do.

Here's my dilemma.

Her and her two kids now live very close. The kids are my kids age. And for this, I still want to be her Mommy friend. Which means I can be her friend but not that close.

The problem is she is unstable at this point. And she is not suffering with dignity. She is kind of a basket case. Which is fine really, we all hurt in our own way.

Underneath though, maybe she will rise up. Become a healthier woman. Then maybe she can shape her white trash energy into something beautiful. Something triumphant.

Until then, she'll stay a Mommy friend. And my kids will have more kids to play with.

Here's hoping. :)

This video is um, this side of NSFW, not nudie but close enough.


12 Left a message at the beep:

Cam said...

Well, it depends on how long ago this happened...

I mean, I would need at least a few months to absorb & process in the craziest of manners, and then, hopefully, start to even out and regain some sense of normalcy thereafter.

Rusty? Seriously?

I say that you should still be a mommy friend, and maybe (from a safe distance) offer some You Can Do Eeet to nudge her in the right direction. If the old life has fallen away, this is a clean slate, a good thing. Time to see what she can make of it...

And, by the way, I love it when you talk hillbilly. :^)

Susan Higgins said...

Maybe you can help her? The Universe has a way of bringing people to us that need our help, it's up to us to recognize and help. People need each other. One day, you may need this friend for something and because you help her now, she will remember. She could be the only one that shows up to help you when you need a friend.

Just a thought.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Cam: Yeah, best to wait a couple of months. Then the crazy can die down a bit, good advice there neighbor.

Susan: It's my job, nine hours a day, to help mentally unstable people. When I go home, I want peace. Also, I need fun to balance stuff out. So no, I will not dive into her tornado. i have enuf drama in my life. ;)

GiGi said...

My sister, although she is not white trash, is going through the same sort of ordeal. I find that not even asking about it, is the best approach with her, and when she wants to talk with me about it, she does. I think sometimes people feel like they need to help too much, or ask too much too often. Just being around is good enough support for some people. Glad your kids have some playmates that live close.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

GiGi: I agree that, sometimes, people try to help too much. Really! I mean, right now she is pulsing with pain but that is to be expected. I mean, she is getting divorced from a guy she has been married to for 9 years. 4 or 5 of which he has been unfaithful.

So I have sent encouraging messages but nothing in depth. She has plenty of friends/family for heartier support.


white rabbit said...

Video reminded me of 'Truck Stop Girl' by The Byrds (he wrote showing his age). Check it out on YouTube <like so :D

The Savage said...

I got nothin....

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Will do Rabbit!

Savage: that's ok, just good to know you stopped by ;)

Slyde said...

we have about 9 couples that we are close with and hang out with regularly. i'd say more than half of them have SERIOUS, SERIOUS maritial problems. its pretty sad.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Slyde: yeah, tell me about it!!


seriously people!!

and then . . AND THEN > > > They all want advice from me, cause I'm the mental health professional.


Maureen@IslandRoar said...

This is so so sad.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

yeah, that's true. but. I'm kind of philosophical about it. I mean, she found out her husband was cheating.

And not a moment too soon.

Because really, now she can get out of his life and get into hers. And yeah, it's sad that he is a weasel but weasels are part of life.

It was her blind luck to land such a man.

But, once the truth is brought out, she can now start to actually build her life.

so, really, I see more room for triumph versus sadness.


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