Thursday, February 18, 2010

Crazy Sauce not allowed in the hot tub

This will be a hodge podge type post cause really, I've got nothing left for organization. Or brevity. At least not today.

We own a hot tub. Now that we are trying for our third, our access is limited. Unknown dangers for me and my possible with child status. Mr. Hall's access is limited too. Don't want to cook the sperm.

That being said, I was waxing poetic about the hot tub last night. We were sitting in our leather love seat. It's more of a two seater love seat, just enough room for our nightly snuggle, all ensconced in our soft, deep purple blanket. It's a lay-z-boy recliner and we both love it so.

We snuggle at the end of the night and watch our pre-recorded nightly program. These days it's usually Mad Men or Lost. Sometimes we mack and completely forget the show is on.

Mr. Hall is a twitchy sort though. If we are watching the show he is always twitching his legs. Or moving his hands. IT DRIVES ME AND MY ADD NUTS CAUSE I'M SO SENSITIVE TOWARD NERVOUS TWITCHY NERVOUS ENERGY!!! Cause I'm hyper at baseline. Having a twitchy warm body next to me MAKES ME MORE HYPER SO KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!!!!!

And he does.

Now, last night, I was waxing poetic about the hot tub and how I miss it. Cause we are trying and all. Which lead the conversation down the usual road. This being an exaltation of the big preggy boobins, the swollen belly . . . all the good stuff.

Then I say, "If my water hasn't broken I can labor in the hot tub." His legs start to twitch. I go on, "I mean, we can just lower the temp a bit and I can get all nekkid and lounge in tub while I am contracting." His arms start to twitch a bit.

I go on. And on about how our son's labor was so magnificent. And really, it truly was. It was so awesome that even now, three years later, I remember the joy and the mess and the pain and I feel all these joyous flashbacks wash over me. And Mr. Hall was there, so much there I forget that it didn't happen to him to. And I am saying this all.

And I'm waxing poetic, connecting it all to the hot tub. And his legs just keep twitching harder except it's not winding me up. Cause I'm not paying attention. I'm being swept away by my own lovey dovey birth story. I'm starting to feel the vibrations from all his twitching. Yet, I'm seeing unicorns and rainbows and cherubs and love. All in the hot tub. And finally, his body is full on spasming AND is now KICKING THE BLANKET OFF OUR LAPS.

"Jesus! What the heck? What's wrong with you?" I say. Kind of shocked and irritated he's interrupting my fantasy.

"NO! No babe, there is no way you are laboring or giving BIRTH IN THE HOTTUB!" His voice is raised, face a bit flushed.

"Hey, I said my water would not be broken. " I point this out, matter of factly. Puzzled by his response.

"NO!! It's just gross!!" His voice is all flustered.

And he got up and twitch-hopped out of the room.

I still am a bit puzzled by this response. Then again, it was messy the last time. So, maybe he has a point ;)

It was funny beyond belief this event. He was so worked up about it. So grossed out. GAWD I love that man! :)

12 Left a message at the beep:

Bruce said...

Quite possibly one of the most bizarre and funny posts I have read in a long time. You don't mess with a mans hot tub. That is where babies 'come' from, not where they are 'born'.

Slyde said...

i think now i need to cancel on your offer to have me over for a hot tub party

my wife constantly yells at me because when we watch tv i dont stop moving... must be a stud thing...

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Bruce: Yeah, it is getting very bizarre and very funny over at the house of hall. AND your comment made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!!

wow! That's a first!! AWESOME!!!

Slyde: frickin' frenetic energy!!! STOP IT!!!!DAMMIT KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE TWITCHING!!!

ok, whew... carry on ;)

Cam said...

A big hive five on 'must be a stud thing', Slyde! Loved it!

Mrs- twitch-hopped!! What a visual that creates! I, too, am a twitcher. I blame it on my lactose intolerance.

I think laboring in the hot tub would be awesomely calming, and since you are the one that will be only minutes away from having someone slide out one of your most precious parts, I say that whatever you say goes. Just don't bring it up again until you are laboring and ready to hop in. I mean, what, he's gonna tell the woman in the bikini who is about to bring another one of his children into this world that she can't hottub? I don't think so!

Mrs. Holly Hall said...


but yeah . . it's not gonna happen ;)

but, soo funny with the twitching!! :)

GeologyJoe said...

so, is Mr. H thinking the tub will turn red like a Jaws attack or what?

plenty of women do underwater births. thou i think any chemicals in the hot tub might not be such a great idea for.
but if you go for that, go to the fish section of the pet store and get a little net to scoop out the floaties.

but to agree with him, changing the water afterward would be a bit gross. the pee, poo, blood and fleshy bits. it might really reek havoc on the filter too.

Susan Higgins said...

Oh my God ... this story had me on the floor laughing. Thanks for that.... :-)

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

"The floaties"!!!

OMG so funny!!!

you spelled it out exactly there Joe!!


so funny

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Sue: Mee too!!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Men are so funny. Sure it's messy, but it can be cleaned, right?? It's not like you'll leave any vital parts behind...

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

yeah, true dat Maureen!

now i get to read everyone's comments to him and watch him squirm and such. awesome!

K.D. said...

A million days later, here... Bruce's comment totally made me laugh. That was not how I read your post at all. My thinking was, Mr. Hall is losing it thinking of you labouring in the hot tub because he is worried about the baby. It didn't occur to me that he might be worried about the tub. LOL Bruce. Not to mention the floaties - OMG. So true. Love the uber-practical aquarium net tip - sounds like someone's been there.
That said, my heart goes out to the two of you, Mr. and Mrs. Hall, because things have not (yet) gone as you had hoped. Virtual hugs and actual prayers.
We have been TTC baby #2 for 3 years now. I just boxed up all my mat clothes and remaining baby gear today, to store at my MIL's because I can't bear to see it all every time I go into the basement to do laundry (i.e. most days), but we aren't ready to part with it either. We are trying to find peace with our beautiful family of three, as it appears that this is what's meant to be.
Thank you for your writing.

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