Saturday, July 30, 2011

How I can tell I'm getting better

  • I'm yawning. I first yawned a few days ago in yoga. I mean, i've been so tired, but no yawns. Yawning requires relaxing. I've not been relaxed lately. So, it's nice yawning again.

  • I'm dreaming crazy dreams. I'm a crazy dreamer. I've posted about it on the 'dream exchange' before. In the last few nights, I've finally started dreaming again. It's fantastic.

  • I am down 8 lbs and my double chin is started to recede. I am transitioning from size 16 to size 14. I have size four pantalones. They'll have to wait 'til winter though. This will take a while :) Yay weight watchers!

  • My eyes don't feel like they're going to bleed. I feel rested this morning. Really, really rested.

  • Mr. Hall and I are talking more about losing the pregnancy. We're bringing it up and sharing our emotions. I weep- but not spasming, choking sobs. Just crying and being sad.

Things I need to work on:

  • Caring for Mr. Hall. He has the sads too. But not like me. He carries it differently. I need to massage and give lots of non verbal love. Scalp massages are especially important. I need to take care of me and stand tall. According to the bible, Eve was created to sustain Adam. I must remember this. I sustain him.

  • Stop obsessing. Slow down. Be present here and now.

  • Continue my yoga practice and start to make pleasant small talk. My yoga studio was new to me when I started back up. It seems there is a good group there. I am a newbie and people are making overtures to me. I can't hide. I need to make nice and be open. Smile. Talk. And work those poses like a red redheaded step child.

  • Ask God for help with all of this. Healing is a possibly. Getting through this, to the other side, is possible. But not alone. So I pray. And pray, and pray. And through Him, anything is possible.

2 Left a message at the beep:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I never knew that about yawning.
It's a real sign that you're able to step back and be aware of Mr. Hall, too. Seriously big stuff, honey.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you've got a plan, Stan :)

You're so right...the sads hit our fellas differently and we have to remember to nurture them through it. Just because they aren't vocalizing doesn't mean they aren't internalizing. It's actually a pretty darn good sign they are hurting, I think.

btw, you just kicked Size 16's ass and Size 14 better be vewy vewy scared cause you've gunning for it next!! Way to go!!

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