When I describe my blog, I say, "It's like an online diary or journal". And right now, this would apply:
ok, brought three bags of maternity clothes to goodwill. (check)
tomorrow, i assume i will pack up at least a dozen bags with baby clothes. (check)
Why so many clothes? Cause I shop the thrift stores and garage sales. I get the steals and deals.
Wrote my work colleagues (check) and said this:
You may not have heard yet, but I lost the pregnancy this week. All told, I was pregnant 17 weeks.
Needless to say it's been a rough week. Things are getting better with rest and I am very blessed to have a supportive family. We are doing a lot of praying which is helping immensely.
Well, take care everyone and see you next week."
Hopefully people will read this. People at my work DON'T read their email often. I know I'm going to walk in there and someone will call out 'mamacita' and ask about the pregnancy and I'll have to drop the bomb on them. Which will be their fault really. They should have read the email.
But they didn't. So we'll sort of look at each other and they won't know what to say. Then, I'll have to ease the tension. Which I can do. But I hope with the email people won't say much to me. They'll just avoid me because it's awkward. Which is great really, win win.
I am not sure things are getting better. But I'm appearing in public better. Grieving like a ninja. Coming to grips with regular conversations again. Even made a joke at the park with another mommie today.
SO next on the list is to find a way to calm my crap at night. Otherwise there will be a lot more posts like this. At two am- cause I can't sleep.
Ok, let's turn our attention to something funny. Like this..
Alright, I'm going back to bed. It's 2.22, Wish me luck.
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3 Left a message at the beep:
Hey girl, I'm so sorry....stay strong and eventually I pray you will make peace with it.
Laughter never hurts either, and THAT was funny!
Nights are always the hardest when you are hurting, it's the solitude, I'm sure.
You are staying busy, and that is a good thing. Being in the industry you are in, I won't try to tell you how to let yourself grieve or any of that other stuff...you already know. You are healing, and entrenched in the hard work it takes to get there, and it will come full circle in its own time.
Until then...laughs, cries, nuclear meltdowns, moments of peace, moments of rage, moments of numbness...it's all part of the process.
You are well aware of my crazy, so any crazy you got? Bring it, sister! ;) Much love being sent to you! And, hugs...cause I know you're a hugger...I'm a high-fiver, but you gets the hugs, Mrs :)
hugs to both of you!
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