Requirements to be my real life friend

Been branching out lately-- with real life friends. Had some hits, some misses. Here's a primer on my requirements to be my real life friend.

1. Live near me.

Anything over a half an hour away is not near, it's faaaarrrrrr.

2. Answer your emails/phone messages/texts within a few days of getting them. Bonus points for same day!

Answering things two weeks later means you either don't understand how to open your email, check it once every two weeks or you don't recognize the blinky lights on your phone means you have VM or TEXT MESSAGE. Come on people, we are 25-35, not 70! Get with it! Or, and you don't want to answer my calls, don't call back. I get the message. ;)

3. Don't be a basket case. Or a needy monkey.

If you are divorcing your husband, your basement flooded or have an infiltration of gophers in your yard-- go ahead, bemoan your suffering. Suffering is part of life. But, do me a favor, suffer with dignity. That's the key right there. And don't be a needy monkey, because I have limits to my giving. I enforce them readily.

4. Learn the art of conversation and have stuff to talk about besides your kids.

Keep up with current events, current movies, read books and have some adults only interests. Just because you're a Mom doesn't mean you can't develop and nurture your intellect and soul. TAKE THIS BLOG FOR EXAMPLE. Look at all the crazy stuff I blog about. Look at me read at least two books a week. Look at me yoga and watch crazy foreign Zombie movies. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MAD MEN??

5. Get the joke. Have a positive attitude.

Life is teeming with wonder and funny stuff. Learn to have a sense of humor. And again, have a positive attitude.

OK!!!

Now, that wasn't so hard was it?

And um, I sent you an email last week, did ya get it?