Number Nine: I have the most effed up dreams

Welcome back to getting to know Mrs. Hall. For the first eight in the installment, click here.

9. I have the most effed up dreams. I've written about them before.

Here are three from this past week. They are effed up indeed.

The Bill Gates dream: In this dream, I fell in love and wanted to marry Bill Gates. Let me state that during the day, I have absolutely no interest in that man. He is skinny and geeky. I have no attraction to this person as a man or a media figure. In fact, eww.

Yet there it was, me falling for him. I was really aware of it in my dream. I also aware of the gigantic pile of money he has. I was very careful to separate my feelings for him and the influencing affect that money has. I was careful to offer to sign a pre-nup to demonstrate how committed I was.

I can say that in this case, I was morally intact, even in the dream state.

The Pie Dream: I was in a residential neighborhood. There was a block party of sorts going on and each house was open for visitors. One house was a pet store filled with aquariums and exotic fish. They also sold snakes. This part of the dream makes sense. We recently bought our daughter a corn snake.

After leaving that house, I saw a group of ladies gathering in the front yard of the house next door. The women belonged to some sort of club and I knew I was not a member. They gathered around a circular picnic table that had many tastey pies on display. I hopped over the fence knowing full well what I was about to do.

I walked right up to the women and said I was with Karen. I said she was coming soon. This was a lie. I lied, looked everyone in the eye and scooped up two slices of pie, one cherry, one apple. They looked scrumptious!

As I was scooping people started questioning me. They didn't know any Karen. Then I said, noo! Not Karen, Susan. There was general confusion but I just didn't care. Those pies looked sooo goood!

Which really, this relates to something Mr. Hall said recently. Act like you know what you are doing, where you are going, walk with purpose and people won't bother you. People like security guards or bosses. So this is what I was doing in the dream-testing this out. And it got me some pie!

Unfortunately, my alarm went off before I tasted the pies. :( !!!!!

The ants in the jam dream: Mr. Hall and I were getting ready, back stage, for our debut on Saturday Night Live. I was putting on make up and he came to me with an open jar of jam. He was miffed because I had left it open in the living room. I am a messy person, this type of behavior from me is not unheard of. We kind of giggled about it. Then I took two spoonfuls of the tasty jam. It was blackberry, all dark and sticky stems and such.



Then I started brushing my teeth only I noticed some bits of blackberry on my toothbrush. Then I started noticing bits of blackberry coming out of my mouth. Then I realized it wasn't blackberries at all, but ants! Ants got all up in the jam jar when I left it out with the top off. I wasn't freaked out, but it was gross.

There's like six more hours of this dream but I'm done talking about it.


SO!!

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED??

My dreams can be so vivid and take up a lot of energy. These dreams are exhausting and kind of piss me off. I can say this:

I.DO.NOT.WANT.THESE.MINI.MOVIES.THAT.MASQUERADE.AS.DREAMS.

I need to start taking control of my subconscious. Because all this vivid garbage is useless. I need start bossing my subconscious around, tell it to put some lovey dreams with Mr. Hall in the projector.

Yeah, that's what I'll do!

I'm in charge here! Not my subconscious!!!

RAWRR!!!

I want some dreams with naughty Mr. Hall time, then we go flying over beautiful mountains!!

GET ON IT SUBCONSCIOUS!!!