Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Posting about shrinkage, getting all writery this week

This is Geology Joe. This photo, as well as others featuring his out door activities inspired me to write this post. It kind of breaks my heart a little.

(If you go to his site, check out the archives for 2005-2006. Lots of inspiring photos.)


For this Wednesday, I want to discuss how we come about becoming what we are. Specifically, the influence of geographical location.

If you poke around in the archives, you can surmise that I live in a place that is cold and gets very snowy this time of year. This is where I was born, this is where I live. When I survey the land, I see others just like me. We rub our hands, cup them over our mouths and blow. We stomp our boots as we enter the building. We swear at the weather man.

The cars we drive are coated white with salt. It is too cold to wash them; the water would freeze to the doors, the locks, the underpinnings. I am ever so thankful though, I have heated leather seats. This makes life better in ways I cannot articulate.

Despite the inner warmth of buildings and homes, our bodies are still holding tight, cramped up, conserving energy. All of this cold leads to a largely interior life, staying in buildings, staying in houses, staying inside. Movement is limited. Life often follows suit.

I can't help but feel restless and wanting to seek out. Yet I am tethered to two tiny children. When I consider going, searching out, they will be coming with me. This is paramount as I work through the next step.

Here is family. Despite what they lack, they still have better than nothing. The unending needs of my tiny babies are insurmountable without the help of others. Family is a special type of others, filled with automatic care and attention. From the view of a child, being loved by all angles is what life is all about.

Yet how do I reconcile the need to explore, to feel and be changed by a different topography? To see mountains, to see oceans, to see life I've never known.

I am changed by my recent and ongoing actions. With the influx of foods near the form they were born, with the influx of bodily movement and recovery. I am changing despite my shelter bound life. There is so much to see, to feel, to know. I want my tiny kids to know more. I want them to live outside this boxed in state.

The thing is, what decisions any of us make, has consequences. The decisions I make have consequences to everything that is attached to me. This includes my practice, my kids and Mr. Hall. My husband and kids are part of this, even at the thinking stage.

Even just thinking these thoughts, letting them bubble to the surface, is dangerous.

After all, when I ask myself what I want, I will have to answer.

10 Left a message at the beep:

Bruce said...

We all slowly build walls around us through out our lives. I think the trick is learning now to build tunnels and escape hatches and use them on occassion.

I never see a freight train go buy without wondering what it would be like to hope on a box car and see where it takes me. I am sad that I never tried....but I have done other things and will continue to them until I am dead.

Kate said...

"The thing is, what decisions any of us make, has consequences. And when you are not separate from the service of others, when you not separate from marriage and when you are not separate from your children, everything you do affects everything around you. "


This paragraph just went .. woooosh... right over my head. Maybe because I don't have tiny people to care for?

Anyway, great post. Cool to be witness to your supercharged changing of the soul! :)

Holly Hall said...

Bruce: Do share the things you do to tunnel out :)

Kate: Well, that paragraph was a bit overwritten, but.

I am a psychiatric nurse practitioner (so I have patients), i am a mom and a wife. I am connected to all of this. And the things I decide reverberate or affect all of the above.

Thus: they are part of everything I do, even thinking about who and what I am, and what I want :)

:)

Holly Hall said...

Bruce: Do share the things you do to tunnel out :)

Kate: Well, that paragraph was a bit overwritten, but.

I am a psychiatric nurse practitioner (so I have patients), i am a mom and a wife. I am connected to all of this. And the things I decide reverberate or affect all of the above.

Thus: they are part of everything I do, even thinking about who and what I am, and what I want :)

:)

GeologyJoe said...

Glad I could inspire you.

We've got to have doors and windows in any wall.

As for having little ones I guess making a point to travel and explore with them becomes important.

We just got a fresh 10 inches of snow and if the weather is decent LilGuns is coming snowshoeing with us. Ill post pics. :)

Slyde said...

i dont think that the "thinking" is dangerous, but any impromptu, life changing decisions sure can be.

just think any important decisions thru, and you'll be ok...

Kate said...

Thanks for clarifying that Mrs. H. I understand now what you're saying.

I guess it's true for all of us, on different levels, of course.

You must also have lot's of patience to work with your patients. Ha. sorry.

notkeith said...

Hey Mrs H! Rather liking your new banner. Is it a crop of you and Mr H, or something pilfered from elsewhere and customised to your own exacting specifications?

Holly Hall said...

Geo-Joe: Thank you for posting your photos. I think maybe I need to reapproach the whole kids outside business. Well, not be so bogged down by my own fears/ thoughts on the complicated business of taking two children out in the cold.

Simple ventures out should be the start. :)

Slyde: Yes, this will be long drawn out thinking process. But, it is there, me wanting to live in a different state. One that doesn't have winter 9 months out of the year. blah. ;)

Kate: Hee hee! Thanks for calling it to my attention. I did change that paragraph in the post. After all, what I write is no good if people don't understand it. ;)

Not Keith: Yes, this is Mr. and Mrs. Hall. I cropped and tinted a photo using picasa. That is such a brillant little program :) Also the photo in the profile is of us. Again, cropped and tinted and messed with. Glad you like it :)

Holly Hall said...

Geo-Joe: Thank you for posting your photos. I think maybe I need to reapproach the whole kids outside business. Well, not be so bogged down by my own fears/ thoughts on the complicated business of taking two children out in the cold.

Simple ventures out should be the start. :)

Slyde: Yes, this will be long drawn out thinking process. But, it is there, me wanting to live in a different state. One that doesn't have winter 9 months out of the year. blah. ;)

Kate: Hee hee! Thanks for calling it to my attention. I did change that paragraph in the post. After all, what I write is no good if people don't understand it. ;)

Not Keith: Yes, this is Mr. and Mrs. Hall. I cropped and tinted a photo using picasa. That is such a brillant little program :) Also the photo in the profile is of us. Again, cropped and tinted and messed with. Glad you like it :)

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