Monday, May 9, 2011

self perception and the female angry

for those that are new, i'm a mental health provider. i work with people who have mental health problems.

Like being angry all the time.

I've written about men's anger before. Men are obvious when angry, the break stuff, punch walls, scream and throw things. Women are more internally angry. Their rage seethes, burning slowly. For the most part, it explodes in passive aggression and self hatred.

That being said, some women are outwardly angry and have no idea why they are being perceived as such a bitch. Self perception is a funny thing. Most people that show up at my office thinking they are good actors, hiding what's wrong. Like no one can tell. It's my job to read people. I see things a mile away.

Sometimes I don't even have to look. I hear it in the waiting room even before they come into my office.

Like the woman that saw me last week. Angry as a cat forced to take a bath. She was very loud and obtuse. She was hollering almost the entire time. My attempts at talking her down were met with spiky oppositions and snide remarks. Not a fun visit. It was short. I'm getting to old to baby the tantrums that some of my patients have.

And what was she mad about?

What the womens are always made about-the mens.

THE MENS! The mens that drink to much, fool around too much, lay around on the couch too much and generally provide nothing more than an extra child to the women they love. The extra child being the husbands of course.

And it's not that the men are abusive, they are just leeches.

And the woman goes on and on about this bastard. And I'm trying to listen but wow really? You didn't know he was an asshole before you married him? You didn't notice he's NEVER HAD A JOB? You didn't realize that his felony criminal record MIGHT BE A BARRIER TO A GOOD CREDIT RATING?

I swear, it makes no sense. These women, they are not RETARDS. They are often accomplished and smart. But they pull these losers into their lives. And they have the right to be angry. I would be angry. Who wants a lump of clay for a husband?

But here's the thing. All this blowhard bitchy anger serves a purpose. If they get mad, they don't have to do anything but get mad. They don't have to plan on getting out of the relationship. They don't have to evict the leech. They just have to yell and scream and oh poor me. There is a lot of seduction in that type of attention.

Which is why I kept the visit short. I was not going to give that type of attention. That and she was starting to turn the anger on me. Because I wasn't giving into her poor me routine. gah.

We all have a level of responsibility in this life.

So please, try not to date any losers.

OK?

6 Left a message at the beep:

Heff said...

I don't date losers, I just have sex with 'em, and move on.

Charlene said...

This woman like many have a good memory, however the only memory they retain is of that 3 hour period near their first acquaintence when the guy was sweet, polite, cleaned up, dressed well and had his mouth closed. I was only after he got her into bed, opened his outh to no teeth, forgot to take a shower for a week and was drunk or stoned that she got mad. She doesn't leave because she thinks that 3 hour window way back when is the best she'll ever get.

Sandra said...

Words to live by. Where were you 16 years ago when I married my first husband? I agree, I'm all about taking ownership of my mistakes. But I still think husband #1 tricked me!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

They need you to give talks to teenaged girls at every high school in America--we'll call it "Mrs. Hall's Tough Love Intervention for a BETTER YOU!"

Lotus07 said...

I sort of stopped reading when I got to " some women are outwardly angry and have no idea why they are being perceived as such a bitch".

I need to forward this blog onto my ex-wife, but I don't want to talk away any of your potential patients.

Anonymous said...

Maybe, just maybe, the woman is truly pissed off at herself. Then what? How do you get over being mad at yourself? What sort of technique or therapy would that require? The man had to have had - and still has - some level of attraction. They're not all losers and those deemed losers may be boxed into a situation where they're dealing with a mad as hell woman who can't be made happy cuz she's the crux of her unhappiness - yet noone catches that, so they build this life/framework in reaction to that anger. It's too easy to be the victim - to hard to recognize that you've victimized yourself and others.
Just had that flash of clarity today, and am now driven to defend the man I've been victimizing. I'm picking apart my unhappiness that was caused by me and will go from there. I'm guessing I'll owe a lot of apologies once I'm done.

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