Sunday, November 21, 2010

The plan for my mother in law (and Thanksgiving)

My mother in law didn't come to our wedding. On purpose.

She's a little crazy. She has a lot of cats. Lives alone in a five bedroom house. A house that is so filled with stuff- she needs extra storage sheds. Her crazy is not certifiable though. It's just a little crazy. Not enough to be called the crazy cat lady. Not enough to get on hoarders.

The crazy bubbled up really big around the time of our wedding. But not enough crazy though. She didn't come to our wedding on purpose. It was a choice.

A month after we got married, we gathered for Thanksgiving. I brought wedding pictures for her to see. I brought the photos because I still loved her. My cup of Mr. Hall love runneth over onto all his family. Still does.

But here's the thing. It's ten years later and I still can't make eye contact with her. It is still so harsh to be in the same house with her. Unbearable Tension. So much unspoken. Even though I've seen here about once a month since the wedding, it's never been said out loud. She didn't come to our wedding on purpose. So when I see her, I usually get drunk. This is no good.

I don't think I've ever talked about how that hurt me. I was so busy forgiving her and trying to be the better woman, making sure the grand kids know her, that I forgot to let it hurt. So that's what I've been doing the last couple of weeks. And I've been praying to find forgiveness for her. It's working, this process.

I'm feeling so much better about the whole thing.

So here is my plan for my mother in law (and Thanksgiving).

My plan is to knock it off, stop acting like I have been. When I go there, to my mother in law's house, I'll put away my phone. I will stay sober and breathe. I will turn my attention to God and let the love flow through me. My plan is to be still, to be near this woman. To be available for her. In her own weird ways, she has tried to reach out to me. So now I'll be reachable if she needs me.

I know all of this is possible. I just have to let it happen, trust and let God work through me.

And so it shall be.

Happy Thanksgiving all :)

13 Left a message at the beep:

RW said...

That's the best idea i think, too. It goes back to who you allow to live in your head rent free. But also, maybe what you've been looking at all this time are simply her limitations as a person.

Letting stuff roll off your back like a duck is good.

Is that how that goes?

But i don't know about the sober. A couple of belts would make it easier, from my point of view. Beer is proof God loves us...

Maundering mutterer said...

Hope it worked. There's no point in letting the constraint continue. I can understand your hurt - time to let it go, though.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

OMG! You are such a grown up.

You are my hero today.:)

Mrs. Hall said...

RW: nice! and if beer is proof that God loves us- Jim Bean is proof that God wants to marry us :)

MM: yeah, letting go is what forgiveness is all about. unblocks the love that way.

Candy: I try. I try ;)

Charlene said...

Good for you. I wonder how different you will see things sober? :oS

Mrs. Hall said...

Charlene: it will be tougher sober. but challenge is good, it is through challenge we grow :)

savannah said...

well done, you! seriously, sugar, you can't change her, but you can (and are) changing how YOU deal with her! xoxoxo

~E said...

as long as you aren't the only one reaching...I think it's a good plan.

Good luck!

white rabbit said...

And as for her glasses...

*exit shaking head*

Heff said...

Tell her how you feel after having about 8 beers, and remember to use the line "God Forgives....I DON'T", lol.

Rhett said...

I have to go to a place like that too, when I was a kid she hated me but know she wants me there all the time. No one goes to her house anymore.

But at least you can be the better person and the better person is you.

Mrs. Hall said...

~E: reach rreeeeeaaaccchinnggg!

WR: totally right?

Heff: yeah, I'll get all drunk and be like, LOOK WOMAN!!! IMMAA GONNA (HICCUP) CALL YOU (HICUUPP) MOM AND YOU'RE GONNA LET ME!! (HICUPP!)

Rhett: I think you looked swell in your photo. You should put it back up.


Anonymous said...

I also have hubby mama drama...and I wish for a resolve. Oh, how I wish for one. Lucky for me, a great friend of mine has adopted me as her daughter-in-law so I still get all that m-i-l goodness, ha!

Updating my new profile followings, didn't want to miss any of the genius that is Mrs. Hall... So, technically, I'm following you twice now. Do I get, like, extra points for that?

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