Monday, August 18, 2008

Chick fight

The thing about feminism is is that it helped create the teenage me. That and LL Cool J. Today I need to focus on the feminism. With specific relevancy to my dear friend, Ramona.

In my life, there has only been one healthy and adult relationship. This would be Mr. Hall. Before this, it was a quagmire of mislaid idealism and selfish tendencies. I didn't know how to give or receive the love I felt. Plus, I didn't like people in general.

Ironic considering my profession, no? Perhaps that is the root cause of all this. I give eight hours a day. But that's not true. I have balance with my work and life.

Going through school, I found a lot of heady people. All right brained. All gerbil type A energy. I was more middle of the road with a wicked artsy streak. Alas, I studied in the field of medicine. There was no kin to be found. Then came Ramona.

I heard Ramona sing, and I heard everything.
(shout out to Frank Black, not the actor, the Pixie singer, see below)

At that point, I had married the most awesome man walking. I thrive in this love humidor of marriage. My hand then went out for another type of relationship. That being a second best friend.

Pursuing her was tough. We share a lot of the same tendencies. Worry being the most prevalent. Being socially isolative is another. But I pursued her with a singular, alpha female purpose. She would be my friend. I knew it like I knew about Mr. Hall.

It took some time, some awkward fits and starts, but we are very good friends as of today. The thing is, I am not sure what happens now. And what I want to do about it. I will be moving soon. This town where I live, will, most likely, never see me again. She has deeper roots than I.

That's not the big problem though. The big problem is fundamental differences. I am growing in ways unimaginable. With yoga and a proper diet, I conquered my insomnia. This insomnia began at age eight! I am more in control of my worry than I have ever been. I am bursting with happiness.

My politics have also changed. I categorize myself as a recovering feminist. My idealism has shifted to a middle ground. I no longer hold ideals like they are liquid gold in my palm. I can shake and scatter them about the place. I don't fear boobie implants.

Part of why I am good at my job is my absolute tolerance. On my best days, what ever patients give me, I receive with unwavering gratitude. Nothing shocks me. Things may surprise me, but nothing gives me cause to believe they are right or wrong. There is so much shame involved with telling one's story. I seek to lift this. I am a welcoming place to shed their skin.

How can I hold Ramona and her heart of worry and angst? She tolerates me. Me with my poking fun at her liberalism. Her pro-choice key chain. Me with my ambivalence toward politics. Me with my love for The Girls Next Door.

But I don't want her to tolerate me. I want her to feel what I feel. Calm and finally free. But things are not looking that way. So I pulled back a little. She found out about my exam results through this blog and a call to Mr. Hall. This greatly upset her.

The choice now is to move forward. If I was having problems with Mr. Hall, the choice as to how to move forward, would be very clear. But, she is complicated. And so am I.

And that is where we stand now.
Ramona, I dedicate this to you.

8 Left a message at the beep:

Big Pissy said...

Ah! I truly admire the way you express yourself. Such talent! :)

As you know....good friends are hard to find. I hope you and Ramona works things out in whatever way is best for you both.

Michelle J said...

Good friends are very hard to find. You have to contend with a lot of bullshit and really weed out the bad to get to the good!!!

Am i far off here??

B.E. Earl said...

While I love Frank Black (more so as Black Francis), I feel he, like so many others, is incomplete without Kim, Joey and David. The Pixies just worked...always.

Alone, he is hit or miss.

Steph said...

We grow, we change, we move. Friendship, like romantic love, must adapt to these changes; seldom do two people grow at the same rate or in the same direction. The only relationships that we take with us on our journey are those that accept this.

I have one friendship that just turned 40. That's my friend JP Deni. Through the years our friendship has drifted apart --both emotionally and geographically-- and back together so many times it's like a breathing entity all its own. But through it all we've never doubted our love for each other.

If my age and experience can speak for anything, it's my friendships. I hope you and your friend will breathe too.

Mrs. Hall said...

Pissy: Thank you for the compliment. I feel much better about my writing now that I am actually writing again. Now all I have to do is work on spelling, punctuation and grammer. :)

Michelle J: I have too little energy to deal with BS. But that is just me.

b.e. earl: I can tell you that I really enjoyed this album from Frank Black. It is hit or miss. It is raw and unpolished. That is why I enjoy it so. This song is also not about a girl, but the Ramones. (You may already know this). And that is the best part about this song. How good music can just come right in and fix things. This album also comes for a time in my life where I was were Ramona is. It is so sad and unfinished, my feelings about all this.

Thanks for commenting everyone!


Mrs. Hall

Mrs. Hall said...

Steph: You are killing me with this comment you posted. keeeellllinngg me.

I just don't want to be caught in a trap of on again/off again friendship that doesn't provide benefit to either party.

I was caught in a friendship like that for 10 years.

But I heed your advice. I hear it very softly and loudly at the same time.

keeeeelllling meee.

but in a very good way indeed. Just like the yoga.


Mrs. Hall

Nuno Luciano said...

Feminism is detestable. Especially here in Geneva with international organisations getting millions of funds (there's no such equivalent for men) And to do what ?

Promote a sort of capitalist individualism and egocentric attitude that contribute to divide people, families, couples, parents and kids, friends.

I love women. But look what they become!
They transform themselves and loose their essence.
We loose naturally harmony, don't you think you should find the cause instead treat it with a fashion Yoga classe?

But what i would like to say, is - Thank you!
Thank you to share your experience that keep young people aware of how troubled your generation is... and contributes to understand our own troubles, since we got you for moms, wifes and nurses.

Mrs. Hall said...


Thanks for writing in. I am not sure what you were trying to say about 'fashion Yoga classe'.

I think my yoga practice, or study of yoga, has helped release a lot of ugly energies. It has helped me become a better wife, mom and nurse. It is very healing. Check out my other posts about Yoga if you would like.

Otherwise, thanks for stopping by.

It's always interesting hearing an international opinion.

Take care,

Mrs. Hall

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