Nude modeling, zombies and finishing up that pesky interview

four: Do you ever yearn to go back to the punk look of your youth? Got any pics from back then you wanna post? Or from when you were a nude model? (Just kidding about the last one...kinda)

No, no urge to relive the punk years. Not in hair cut form or in life style choices. It is a relief, when the crazy ends. and breathe . . . .

As far as the art (from when I was a nude model) I am sure it's out there. I can tell you though, I was the most requested model in the bunch. I was an awesome model. I could hold difficult and interesting poses for 45 minutes. I started out as an artist so I knew how to make a good pose, how to inspire people.

My favorite classes to pose for were the continuing ed classes for seniors. They were always so nice. And dedicated to their craft. They would bring me cookies. I miss all those old ladies and gents. It was so avant garde, so sophisticated, so safe. I was encouraged to to become living art, by seasoned artists.

There is magic to being a nude model for life drawing classes. The artist takes your image and filters it through their imagination, their skill level. You are a muse. It is every bit as awesome as it sounds.

five: I'm glad to see you've included "zombies" as one of your interests on your profile page. Care to change your thoughts on heading to Vegas when the zombies attack? De-composed flesh in that heat would be a bit stinky!

No.

I would head to Las Vegas so I could pursue my other life long dream. To be a performer in the Cirque De Solei. The show I would perform in, why O of course! This would be akin to dissolving my life into pure magic. :)

Posting about shrinkage, getting all writery this week

This is Geology Joe. This photo, as well as others featuring his out door activities inspired me to write this post. It kind of breaks my heart a little.

(If you go to his site, check out the archives for 2005-2006. Lots of inspiring photos.)


For this Wednesday, I want to discuss how we come about becoming what we are. Specifically, the influence of geographical location.

If you poke around in the archives, you can surmise that I live in a place that is cold and gets very snowy this time of year. This is where I was born, this is where I live. When I survey the land, I see others just like me. We rub our hands, cup them over our mouths and blow. We stomp our boots as we enter the building. We swear at the weather man.

The cars we drive are coated white with salt. It is too cold to wash them; the water would freeze to the doors, the locks, the underpinnings. I am ever so thankful though, I have heated leather seats. This makes life better in ways I cannot articulate.

Despite the inner warmth of buildings and homes, our bodies are still holding tight, cramped up, conserving energy. All of this cold leads to a largely interior life, staying in buildings, staying in houses, staying inside. Movement is limited. Life often follows suit.

I can't help but feel restless and wanting to seek out. Yet I am tethered to two tiny children. When I consider going, searching out, they will be coming with me. This is paramount as I work through the next step.

Here is family. Despite what they lack, they still have better than nothing. The unending needs of my tiny babies are insurmountable without the help of others. Family is a special type of others, filled with automatic care and attention. From the view of a child, being loved by all angles is what life is all about.

Yet how do I reconcile the need to explore, to feel and be changed by a different topography? To see mountains, to see oceans, to see life I've never known.

I am changed by my recent and ongoing actions. With the influx of foods near the form they were born, with the influx of bodily movement and recovery. I am changing despite my shelter bound life. There is so much to see, to feel, to know. I want my tiny kids to know more. I want them to live outside this boxed in state.

The thing is, what decisions any of us make, has consequences. The decisions I make have consequences to everything that is attached to me. This includes my practice, my kids and Mr. Hall. My husband and kids are part of this, even at the thinking stage.

Even just thinking these thoughts, letting them bubble to the surface, is dangerous.

After all, when I ask myself what I want, I will have to answer.

Drunk blogging about Lost and Cadavers

So cool this poster, no?

I worked out so much my body was kind of screaming in pain. Turns out, if you never lift weights and then you do 'circuit training' and do three sets of fifteen, turns out, your body will bite you back. I was in so much pain. I feel like my arms have been ripped off and the rest of me run over by a truck.

Until I had two rums and cokes. I am merely sore at this point.

So, watching the sci fi channel, enjoying time with Mr. Hall and having inebriated thoughts about cadavers and the show Lost. Both of which are on the sci-fi channel.


First, the cadavers

Thought spurred by alcohol #1:

(Saw a promo of the show "Ghost hunters". Apparently, it's a show where paranormal experts film their activities of hunting ghosts using night vision cameras. The promo was about the evidence they found of ghosts milling about in some house.)

(I say to Mr. Hall)- "Yeah, I don't get it. I mean, why is it so hard to believe that people leave their bodies and the energy is milling about the place. I mean, seriously. I have worked with cadavers, they are dead. There is nothing there. But that doesn't mean their energy is gone.

It would be kind of irritating though, if their energy was hovering over the tank. Getting irritated at all the students poking around in their dead body. WELL! to them I say-- YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SIGNED THE CONSENT FORM. The one that said, 'I want to donate my body to science.' "


Thought spurred by alcohol #2:

(An older episode of Lost comes on)

(Again, I say to Mr. Hall), "I think I need to temper my hatred of the characters on lost. I mean, well, maybe just lighten up a little. I think I just have a problem with their moral fiber."

OK so let's begin,

Jack Shepard: I totally understand what his deal is. Alcoholic, emotionally neglectful Dad. Fine. But, at this point the "DOCTOR" has to realize he has a problem with the booze and benzos. Which is fine. I have hope for even the worst addict. No moral judgments here.

IT'S THE FACT THAT HE STILL PRACTICES MEDICINE. Turn in your fucking license, Shepard. You are no longer in the service of others, you are only serving yourself.

Kate: Ok, so what have we learned Kate? We have learned that when you stepped off the plane, the rescue plane, THERE WAS NOONE FUCKING THERE FOR YOU. It is time to take stock. Time to develop the availability of emotions. Time to reach out. And don't start with Jack, ya'll are no good together. Like to emotional retards. Oh wait.

And I don't care what anyone says. The scenes with her and Aaron are flippant and she doesn't even begin to look like a mom. Maybe I am just jealous of how she looks in pencil skirts. What with the flat tummy. But, as God as my witness, I shall be there again. Oh yes. Oh yes.

Either way, if no one shows up for your homecoming after being lost on an Island forever, then fucking take stock and grow some friends.



Hurley: I have no beef with Hugo. I do have beef with the actor though. He seems reasonable enough. Except he is FOUR HUNDRED PLUS POUNDS. I am tired of this. I want health for him. For now, he is a jokey guy. Covering up pain.

although, that's CHEECH!!! his dad is CHEECH!!! And I loved the scene where Hugo told the truth to his Mom. No one can lie to their mom.



And because I am pooped and sort of passing out, I end with:

Sawyer: hmm. Still have hopes for him.


















Wait, don't forget Linus: Psychopath, pathetic, no longer the chosen one and still smarting. He is more of a weasel really. A psychotic weasel, but a weasel nonetheless.

I guess, in the end, I can still root for Loc and Desmond. Maybe Sayid. As long as keeps his shirt off.

BUT DESMOND IS STILL PURE. But yet, not my favorite character.

Basically, the people from Lost suck for the basic reason. They are not geniune to who they are. They are all lying.
All subterfuge.

but, it is causing me to blog whilst I am under the influence. The show must be doing something right

And I've travelled this far with the Losties, no turning back now.

:)

(o btw, the photos and the links were linked stone cold sober :)

That's one way to learn

“I’ve never really learned anything new, I just didn’t recognize it the first time.”-
Tom Petty quoted in Esquire magazine

I was listening to one of three HARD ROCK stations around here and low and behold what do my ears here? The Offspring. Which snapped me back to a time, some four months before I met Mr. Hall. I was absolutely done dating anyone remotely like I had dated before.

However, I had never dated anyone unlike I had dated before, so I didn’t know what the heck I was looking for. Except for a guy with a car and a job. Who didn’t yell, do drugs or have a habit of sucking the life out of me. The car and job were not negotiable.

I remember this one guy, who I met at a political rally of some sort. I had just gotten back from my year abroad. He had his own organic garden. But, he also was an avid and responsible hunter. We talked about a recent episode of Jeopardy. I remember going to his house, with a small group, and having sushi. Ixnay on the hombre was playing in the background.

And if I would’ve known then, what I know now, I would’ve gone for it. I liked him. It was a sparkle like, not a full on passion like. But, like nonetheless. Seriously. Here was a man of great sensitivity, yet undeniable masculine energy. With a car and a job. Who was good looking and worked out. He was all pecs ahoy and such.

I just didn’t recognize it the first time. I didn’t recognize men of warmth and character who can bend steel bars. I did the second time though.

Enjoy the video, and here’s hoping you recognize something that has been there all along.



If that link doesn’t work anymore, try this:

No self-esteem

Five thanks for Friday

1. I am learning how to take a vacation from myself and my ingrained patterns of overthinking to the point of inaction. As a result, I am kicking some serious ass.

2. The love that grows between me and my husband. How easy and free it all is. How explosive the growth continues to be.

3. Heated leather seats in my car.

4. How my son's feet feel all fleshy as I knead them. "His feet are like play dough", says my daughter.

5. Having people comment on this blog, having encouragement sent from cyberspace and a place to pony up my progress.

Take care everyone!

Have a good weekend.

(BTW-There is a block on blogger from my home computer-so, if you comment know I receive it
and read it :) but can't respond until tuesday :) :) :)

Posting about shrinkage, most every Wednesday (this week is a bit goofy)

These posts are about my quest for health, they happen most Wednesdays. I am losing weight and gaining strength. All while sharing with you. Feel free to share back :)

I also write about The Biggest Loser on ABC. However, that program is two hours long. And really, that sort of thing must be recorded and viewed sans the commercials. It will be up prol'l on Thursday. I mean, COME ON, two hours?

So, let's begin:

Health Goals from last week:

I can never remember what my health goals were from last week for these posts.
I mean, seriously, I have two small kids, I am glad to remember my name half the time.

(hee hee)

Speaking of which, there is a woman at my work actually named Holly. She has an office near me. It is creepy because every time I hear her name I look to see if they are addressing me. Well, most of the time. Huh. Then I have to remember, oh yeah, that is just my blog name.

Still. Creepy. And I wonder about the blurred lines here. I think it is ok, I mean, as long as I don't start introducing myself as Holly Hall. When that happens, the blog will go away for a bit while the author recovers her senses.

OK-Back to health.

Part of all of this, actively attacking my health issues, requires me to cut through a lot of chatter in my head. Like most writers, I am an introspective and analytical type. And I am prone to anxiety. So, as I start to really implement change, I get scared and start my thinking in overdrive.

Which is a baseline pattern for me. It wasn't until I met Mr. Hall, that I noticed this. Well he noticed it and pointed it out to me. And because he is an engineer by nature, he introduced me to the concept of energy conservation. Of spending my energy wisely and being efficient. And a thousand violins began to play.

What this means is, is that I am scared shitless of getting up at 5 am, working out, doing the wee weight program the helpful staff designed for me, going home, showering, getting dressed, getting the kids ready, and getting to work by 8 am. Scared shitless.

And I work through the scenario in my head. It seems impossible to me right now. I am scared. And the chatter starts and I begin to think too much. This begins to drain my energy and motivation.

IT STOPS NOW.

And breathe……

All that energy is best spent elsewhere. All that energy can go into chasing the kids, painting my toes, or massaging the husband. Blogging . . . .

And really, all the hyper thinking, analyzing and worrying…. It's just bullshit. Bullshit and noise to keep me from being healthy.

Bullshit that I can easily leap over. Which I will.

After all, those girly guns aren't going to build themselves.

It begins tomorrow people.

As God as my witness it shall begin!!!

TESTIFY!!

Interview experiment: Question three

This photo will relate to an upcoming post. You'll see.

three: What can you tell us about the other two blogs that you contribute to? What percentage of your blogging time is devoted to each of your blogs?

Bonez is the first blog I contributed to. It is run by a very nice guy named Tony. It is sort a think tank blog. Very eclectic.

At first, I only contributed my weight loss journals. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Theme music)There is some serious stuff in those journals. They were written before I started this blog. So, I felt they didn't belong here. Here is a place of celebration and joy. So I sent them elsewhere.

I have contributed other pieces to that blog. But, now that my career has picked up, I can barely keep up with this blog. It is nice though, publishing somewhere else. It changes what you write. It is always good to grow.

Thems' private thoughts was a one time only guest post. It was a contest to write a holiday post. Thank you James for inviting me!

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If you would like to be interviewed by me, and really, why wouldn't you?

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.