Then I (didn't) make my mom cry

So, went to buy Pancake's flower girl dress last Sunday. It went well. It was me, the little girl and my Mom. Pancake will be a flower girl for two weddings this summer, my sister in law's and my brother's wedding.

My brother's wedding being a SHOT GUN WEDDING!!

Then, as my Mom is dropping us off at home, she cops an attitude. I've offended her, I just know it. Only I don't know why because she's all passive aggressive and gets in a snit and doesn't tell me what the hell I did. I tried calling her twice after that. She said, through what I can only imagine was gritted teeth, "I'M FINE. NOTHING IS WRONG!"

HUH! WOMEN!

Yesterday, she was over and it all came out. Apparently I was acting like my sister in law's wedding is more important than my brother's wedding. Because I let my sister in law help pick out the flower girl dress. (I was texting photos of the dress while Pancake was trying it on). I didn't text my brother's fiancee because well, my sister in law gets first choice. She asked Pancake first.

This upset my Mom. Only SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BUT INSTEAD WORKED HERSELF INTO A TIZZY. So I never knew she was upset until she drove away all pissy when she dropped us off.

And truth be told, I am more excited about my sister in law's wedding! My baby sister in law found a good man that loves her and they're getting married. He's an awesome guy this guy. He really loves her. He can withstand all manner of alpha females that is my husband's side of the family. They try to mow him down and it doesn't work. He's artful about it though. Not loud or dominating. Just tricky and subtle.

Just like Mr. Hall, the man knows how to handle the alpha female energies. It's really neat to watch!

And I'm technically closer to my baby sister in law then my brother. My brother is a bit of a dumbass and kind of selfish. Which is why he's been dating his girlfriend for 10 years and it took a surprise pregnancy to make him pony up a ring.

So yeah, I'm more excited about my sister in law's wedding.

So I'm thinking all of this in my head while my mom is going on and on about how I made her so mad. How she built this interior fury at me, on the ride home from the bridal shop. And I'm telling her to knock it off. If she's mad at me I need to know- so I can address it. She needs to let me know so she doesn't get her feelings hurt so bad.

And she says, "No Holly, I need to do it how I do it. I get mad, blow up and need a few days to calm down. That's my way."

(I kid you not THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID.)

So then I say, "I'm sorry Mom, I am more excited about my brother's wedding then my sister in laws. I promise!"

HURUMPH!

And she smiled and we hugged.

Because sometimes a little lie helps a whole lot!

:)

Then I made my Mom cry

My mom and I were in the car this afternoon. With the kids in the back. She ran through a list of things she wanted to make sure I was doing while Mr. Hall is gone. Like laundry, dishes and showering. I don't think she realizes I have a master's degree. These lists she gives me are insulting.

I can run my life just fine.

But . . . she picks the kids up from school and helps out while Mr. Hall is gone. So I listen and say nothing.

Then things start to get heated. She brings up ONCE AGAIN that I need to have Pancake call my brother, her Uncle Roy, to sell him girl scout cookies.

I sigh. I can't help it. I am not wanting to do this. I don't want to remember to do this. I don't care to do this. But . . . she picks up the kids from school and helps out while Mr. Hall is gone. So I listen and say nothing.

She notices I'm not saying anything. She can tell I'm getting pissed off at her request. So she says, "I've helped you out a lot the last couple of weeks, the least you can do IS DO THIS FOR ME." (she says this through gritted teeth).

It's at this point I realize she's gone off the rails. I also realize this phone call she wants me to make-- is not about cookies. Ya see, last year, I saw my brother twice. Once during Christmas and the other time, oh wait, I just saw him at Christmas. Maybe he lives to far away. Oh wait, he lives 15 minutes from me.

I call and make offers to get together. But, eventually I stop. My brother and I have nothing in common. And he doesn't return my phone calls. Roy is a selfish human being who is missing out on the best kids in the world. He doesn't make family a priority, so I just let it drop. I'm ok with it. My Mom . . notsomuch. This is why she's getting pushy with the phone call.

And she picks up the kids from school and helps out while Mr. Hall is gone. So I listen . . . . and say:

"Ok. Got it. filed away, lets move on please!"

THEN:



"ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS HAVE PANCAKE CALL HIM!!! WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HURTING ME LIKE THIS?"

At this point I should just say OK SORRY and stop but I don't. I say this:

"It's not my fault he's allergic to calling his niece, if he wants cookies he can call. "

At that point, my Mom begins to yell at me, "ALLERGIC?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???" I realize she's kind of shrieking. Scolding and shrieking and all I can think is that my kids are in the back seat.

"Mom, don't . . . not in front the kids."

"RIGHT!!! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!!"

And that's the last thing she said. And then she stopped yelling. And the radio was off. And the kids sat in back all silent. Which was weird. Normally the kids are bugging the crap out of each other with the hees touching me and shees looking at me. But no, all quiet and my Mom's eyes were welling up. All red.

sigh.

My mom and I have had too much contact since Mr. Hall has been gone. It's starting to get to us. It fuels my Mom's pattern of temper explosions, then two days of not talking, then pretending it never happened.

Which is great. Two more days and Mr. Hall comes home. So during the next two days she's going to give me the silent treatment!

SCORE!

hee hee hee . .

(o and btw. I had Pancake make the stupid call. hope your happy!)

Then I yelled at my mom and she apologized

With Mr. Hall being gone, I'm relying on my Mom for the day care drop off/pick up mambo. This has caused a significant increase in contact with her. Which results in conversations like this:

My Mom: "So, why doesn't Mr. Hall just have someone just fix the pool already? I mean, he's been working on it all summer, he won't be done until there's no more summer left. It doesn't makes any sense."

Me: "Well, you know him, he can fix all sorts of things, he's an engineer. Plus, he likes fixing things and not paying someone. He's doing a great job and there is a manly satisfaction to this. I'm ok with it. The pool will be fixed when he's done. He always finishes things Mom. Like the wiring in the basement and the lights in the cabinet. Now he's working on the pool that's all."

My Mom: "When will that be though? When will he be done? He's been working on it all summer."

editor's note: It should be noted she has asked me every week when the pool will be done. And the answer is always the same.

Me: "He'll be done when he's done Mom. There is no rushing him. He likes to do projects and do them well. He's caring and thoughtful and that takes time Mom. He wants it done right. And I'm ok with it. This is part of who he is and I love him for it. So none of this bothers me."

My Mom (huffing): "I don't understand how you can stand it. (she gets more huffy) How can you stand him being so slow with everything."

Me (Yelling): "MOM! HE IS NOT SLOW!!!! HE IS CAREFUL AND THOUGHTFUL AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. HE JUST DOESN'T THROW MONEY AT STUFF. HE DOES IT HIMSELF AND I LOVE HIM FOR THAT."

editor's note: She looked stricken. She always looks stricken when I yell at her like that. She doesn't realize that putting me in a place where I have to defend my husband is incredibly hurtful and really bad manners. Now, I realize yelling at my mom is bad manners, but at least i didn't yell this:

Me Yelling: "MOM! IF WE THREW MONEY AT EVERY PROBLEM WE HAD, IF WE THREW MONEY AT OUR EVERY WHIM AND WANT- WE ARE GOING TO BE NEARING SEVENTY AND STILL NOT HAVE OUR HOUSE PAID OFF AND HAVE CREDIT CARD DEBT. LIKE YOU AND DAD!!!"

But I don't yell that last part. But, she was stricken and she left in a huff.

The next day she calls, starts talking at me about a number of things which I'm not listening to and then I hear this:

My Mom: "Ya know, I see what you mean about Mr. Hall. I mean, he could get all sorts of projects done but still not be the great husband and father he is, so I can see what you mean about being ok with him being slow."

AND THAT is the closest I've gotten to an apology.

Which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy because hey, it's been 34 years that I've known this woman. I takes what I can get :)