Finally, some family gossip

i get a call from my brother Sunday. He said he's getting married in July. To the girl he's been living with for 10 years. The girl he charges rent.

And I'm excited for him. Bewildered though. I mean, what's the big rush? Two months? They've been together for 10 years. Huh, well, I guess it's just time.

then.

THEN.

My mom calls up practically screaming. NO wait, she is screaming-- with excitement. My brother and his NOW fiancee are expecting. "I'M GONNA BE A GRANDMA TWICE AGAIN THIS YEAR!!! YOU AND CARRIE ARE BOTH DUE AT THE SAME TIME!!" And I'm having hard time hearing my mom, and she's all worked up. Then she came over and repeated this like six times. She's so happy about this. I had to practically scrape her off the ceiling.

It's always bugged her that my brother never married Carrie. It's kind of bugged me to. My brother bugs me in general though. Dude lives 15 minutes away and never visits his niece and nephew.

Well, it is nice though. I'm going to be an Auntie! Nice! WOOT!

Then.

THEN.

My rude Dad asked the RUDE question of whether or not this new bambino was planned. And no, this little baby of my brother's was a happy, joyous unplanned happening. But you know what they say, "You make plans and God laughs."

So now I'm excited on several levels. First, I'm going to be an Auntie! Then, I'm going to use this opportunity to TRY to get closer to my brother. Well, get closer to Carrie. Then, I'm excited because my kids will have a cousin. AND THEN, I'm excited that Mr. Hall and I are no longer the only provider of grandchildren. That is exciting.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!

I'm excited because it's about time I had some family gossip to share.

A SHOTGUN WEDDING!!

(well not really but still)

SUCH SCANDAL!!!

:)

Then I made my Mom cry

My mom and I were in the car this afternoon. With the kids in the back. She ran through a list of things she wanted to make sure I was doing while Mr. Hall is gone. Like laundry, dishes and showering. I don't think she realizes I have a master's degree. These lists she gives me are insulting.

I can run my life just fine.

But . . . she picks the kids up from school and helps out while Mr. Hall is gone. So I listen and say nothing.

Then things start to get heated. She brings up ONCE AGAIN that I need to have Pancake call my brother, her Uncle Roy, to sell him girl scout cookies.

I sigh. I can't help it. I am not wanting to do this. I don't want to remember to do this. I don't care to do this. But . . . she picks up the kids from school and helps out while Mr. Hall is gone. So I listen and say nothing.

She notices I'm not saying anything. She can tell I'm getting pissed off at her request. So she says, "I've helped you out a lot the last couple of weeks, the least you can do IS DO THIS FOR ME." (she says this through gritted teeth).

It's at this point I realize she's gone off the rails. I also realize this phone call she wants me to make-- is not about cookies. Ya see, last year, I saw my brother twice. Once during Christmas and the other time, oh wait, I just saw him at Christmas. Maybe he lives to far away. Oh wait, he lives 15 minutes from me.

I call and make offers to get together. But, eventually I stop. My brother and I have nothing in common. And he doesn't return my phone calls. Roy is a selfish human being who is missing out on the best kids in the world. He doesn't make family a priority, so I just let it drop. I'm ok with it. My Mom . . notsomuch. This is why she's getting pushy with the phone call.

And she picks up the kids from school and helps out while Mr. Hall is gone. So I listen . . . . and say:

"Ok. Got it. filed away, lets move on please!"

THEN:



"ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS HAVE PANCAKE CALL HIM!!! WHY DO YOU INSIST ON HURTING ME LIKE THIS?"

At this point I should just say OK SORRY and stop but I don't. I say this:

"It's not my fault he's allergic to calling his niece, if he wants cookies he can call. "

At that point, my Mom begins to yell at me, "ALLERGIC?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???" I realize she's kind of shrieking. Scolding and shrieking and all I can think is that my kids are in the back seat.

"Mom, don't . . . not in front the kids."

"RIGHT!!! NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!!"

And that's the last thing she said. And then she stopped yelling. And the radio was off. And the kids sat in back all silent. Which was weird. Normally the kids are bugging the crap out of each other with the hees touching me and shees looking at me. But no, all quiet and my Mom's eyes were welling up. All red.

sigh.

My mom and I have had too much contact since Mr. Hall has been gone. It's starting to get to us. It fuels my Mom's pattern of temper explosions, then two days of not talking, then pretending it never happened.

Which is great. Two more days and Mr. Hall comes home. So during the next two days she's going to give me the silent treatment!

SCORE!

hee hee hee . .

(o and btw. I had Pancake make the stupid call. hope your happy!)

Throwing cards for the Olympic Gold

Most everyone is discussing the Olympics. I might as well too. I have seen three or four events, about 10 minutes a time. Again, I have these tiny people I chase around. There is no 'sitting and watching' anything that is not animated.

Thus far watched girl's gymnastics. I worry for these girls. They train at least eight hours a day, eat a very specific diet. They arrest their development in the quest for gold. However, I know there is no way you can make a child choose this. For what ever reason, they picked this for their life. Their faces read pain. They are trying to be perfect. They put so much pressure on themselves. However, I am not sure if it is 100% unhealthy. After all, it is a gift to fail. This is their path and I wish them luck.

I watched men's volleyball. This isn't an Olympic sport. Too much is left to chance and the bend of the ball. I think Olympic sports need to based on physical prowess. Besides, volley ball is a girl's sport. It's more of a feminine, reflex type challenge of the body. So men sports should be brawny, women's need to be cat like in nature. Thus, women's volleyball is an Olympic sport. But would the president PLEASE stop embarrassing us with his dorkiness. Please?

One game not in the Olympics is Euchre. That is the card game I play with my brother, Mr. Hall and my holler monkey Dad. I am the type who is late to sports. I enjoy playing games of any sort, but am not particularly competitive. Overall, I am fun to have on your team, but irritating if you want to really win. For some reason this changed last Saturday.

Again, Euchre is a card game. It involves two partnered teams. The dealer deals and cards are thrown. The cards and strategy are simple. My team usually loses for reasons mentioned above. Plus there is wine involved and I get very loopy. My brother, who is a coach for a living, never wants to be my partner. Mr. Hall always wants to be my partner. He hearts the flighty Mrs. Hall.

But I felt bitey last Saturday. I pulled together all my cognition, all the communicational subterfuge that is a marriage of eight years, and we won three rounds. If smoke could come out of my brother's ears, we wouldn't be able to see the cards for the fog.

I really got into it. I strategized. I used my skills of reading people to read people. It was like taking candy from babies. There was a point when I went over the line. I began to actively use a nemesis laugh. I would say, "Brother, I hate to do this, but MWAHH HA HAAA!" and then I trumped his dumb ass.

I must say, I don't feel guilty. I am not particularly close to my brother. We are very different and have nothing in common. My attempts to get closer to him are almost always rebuffed. Plus, he has never helped me move. So screw him.

MWAHH HAA HAA!!