On Hawks and Purple Stretch Marks

I had a funny thought on the way to work. I called Mr. Hall and said, "Let's name the little baby Hawk!" He said, "No, that's lame." But it tickled me.

Which is nice, being tickled. I've been weighed down with so much crazy lately. I realize it's my own doing but whatever. It's there. But. There's something else.

Having had two full term pregnancies I am blessed with two sets of stretch marks. After all, my son couldn't use the first set, he needed to make his own mark. Yesterday, when I was changing from my work pants to my yoga pants; ala Mr. Roger's, I noted my stretch marks becoming purple. I called to Mr. Hall and he confirmed it to be true.

This is new. I still have gobs of first trimester, lay my head down on the table in the middle of dinner because I am so exhausted, crawl into bed at 8.30 with the hopes of holding down my food type stuff going on. I still have round ligament pain. Which I'm too tired to hyperlink to.

Round ligament pain is pain that affects the ligament that starts at the hip and attaches to the uterus. As my womb grows the ligament smarts something fierce! It's an on again/off again pain that spikes if I get up too quickly or sneeze. Or just sitting down watching Jeopardy.

Complete aside here but- I take no amount of small petty pride in my Jeopardy skills. While I not show meterial (I'm not that good), I'm 10,000 times smarter then my husband at this show. I have a wicked strong memory for inane details. Like saffron is the most expensive spice in the world. Also, Saffron is the name of Patsy's daughter from the show Absolutely Fabulous. And I once had a roommate who use to do cocaine and laugh insanely at that show. I think the show is awesome without cocaine though. So yeah, all of this culminates in some wicked Jeopardy skills. Thank you ADD!!



Wait, where was I?

oh yeah. feeling hope.

I'm coming to the conclusion that holding on to fear and doubt won't protect me from things that can go wrong. Not getting my hopes up won't make any future hurt, hurt less. Plus, that's already happening. Doubt and fear are falling off in chunks and I'm being infused with hope.

I hand myself over to God, let Him carry me as I've not the strength to walk the journey alone.

So.

Let it come, oh sweet light, let it come.