Monday, April 20, 2009

And that's when I snapped . . . .



That dog up there, that dog is my dog. His name is Henry, he's a rottweiler. He came fully trained and full of love. I loved him back. Everyone loves Henry. He is a good dog. No, wait . . . he is the best dog.

About a year ago he developed a limp. It came and went. We did nothing, no vet trips. We blamed it on not walking him so much after the second baby. Then the limp grew undeniable and off to the vet he went. We got the news about 2 months ago. Cancer is growing from the inside of his left front leg. Right about the time I moved up here.

Henry stayed behind with my husband. Thus, I haven't seen him much, except on weekends. This weekend Henry moved up for good. I wasn't really prepared for it. Denial is a comfy place. I was forced to leave it as I watched Henry this weekend, all boney, Limp, limp, limpy. Big fatty turmor globbed on the leg.

Then I had to deal with getting his pain meds.

Stupid vet from two hours away, stupid petmeds.com, stupid stupid stupid. Then I took matters into my own hands, came up with a plan. I told Mr. Hall about it, whilst getting my oil changed. It was a quick-e-lube. My windows were rolled up because of the smells. The oil change guys were giving me hand signals to pop the hood. I was on my cell phone.

"I've made an appointment to get him established here so I don't have call and frick around with getting his meds."

Mr. Hall said, "Wait, just have the vet fax the prescription up there or try again with petmeds . . . "


And that's when I snapped.


I just started yelling and sobbing at my husband. Big fat tears popping down my cheeks. "DAMMIT, look!!! This is where we will help him, this is where it's going to happen!!!" Big heaving sobs.

I try to pull it together when I noticed both of the teenagers, all dark blue coveralls, standing there with a clip board, staring at me, looking helpless . . . um, ma'am, do you want the car wash with that? . . . .

I pulled it together and finished the job. Just like I will in a few months.

Mr. Hall and I have since talked. He didn't understand that I was just getting Henry established so he can get the care he needs. He thought I was getting a second opinion, getting a bunch of tests or something. Which we are not. I mean, at this point,

our goal .


is to keep him.


comfortable.

It sucks writing that. Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.

But if I write this here, I can begin to help myself not have freak outs whilst getting my oil changed. And that picture up there, that picture cheers me like no other.

I hope the picture cheers you too.

O... and the girl? Yeah, I am not sure who she is, but she keeps calling me Momma :)

11 Left a message at the beep:

James said...

I am sorry to hear about Henry. I had a dog go the same way.
Pancake looks so much like you!

B.E. Earl said...

That sucks. So much.

Keep your boy comfy. It's all you can do now. sniff.

Big Pissy said...

Yes. What James and B.E. Earl said.

I've been there....twice.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Pissy: yeah, jeez. This is my first dog that has really been my dog. I found him, renamed him, walked him most every day until the second baby (then it was about 3 times a week), and dang, I am was really unprepared for this, what is going on now. Reaching out seems to be helping.

dogs are love. I'm soaking it up while I still can. :)

Kate said...

You're a good mama Mrs. Hall.
I can feel the love those four eyes in the photo all the way from here.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

OH KATE!!!! your so sweet!!!

really, soo sweet!!!

Slyde said...

That the main reason i havent gotten a dog for my son yet.. i've had many dogs in my life, and it never got any easier....i dont want to go thru that again..

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Oh Slyde!! I hear ya. Just last night I purposefully pointed out the big fatty tumor on Henry's leg to my little girl. It's the first step to letting her know what is going on. I didn't really tell what having tumors mean though. One step at a time.

This is gonna suck monkey butt.

For now, we love the Henry, he is comfortable and getting lots of treats. He's happy, so we soak up his love while we can. :)

Bruce said...

'...and the girl, I am not sure who she is, but she keeps calling me mommy'............

your humor through the pain is commendable.....

...courage, he 'is' one handsome dog, and always will be, in your heart.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

hee hee, thanks Bruce :)

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

hee hee, thanks Bruce :)

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