Tuesday, January 22, 2013

does a leg cramp cause divorce?

Somewhere in the middle of the night, my husband's brain sent ten thousand signals to his leg. Each signal screaming , "CRAMP DAMMIT!! CRAMP LIKE THE WIND!!! CRAMP THE CRAP OUT OF HIS CALF!!"

Now, this was not my brain. My brain was sending different signals. Some of which included, "CAN YOU BELIEVE RIVER IS SLEEPING??!! HE'S ONLY 12 WEEKS!! I MEAN, IT'S 3 AM, MAYBE YOU SHOULD WAKE UP AND GO CHECK ON HIM."

Which is how I found myself half asleep noticing my husband writhing and twisting next to me.

"Cramp . . . left leg. . . CRAMP!!" he yell muttered.

"Whaaa?"  I mumbled.


So, naturally I reached for his shoulder and began to squeeze it.


I reached for an arm. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was his left and my right. And try as I might I began to fall back asleep.

"HOLLY!!! THE.LEFT.LEG!! THE CALF!!", he full on yelled. And started to punch my leg. As if to demonstrate where a leg is.

"Jeez, settle down! You'll wake the baby!", I murmured.

I finally figured out where his left calf was. It felt horrible. Like the muscle was trying to taco outward from the bone. But, it was too late by then. The cramp was dying and the only thing left was  after pains. Which doesn't feel good when rubbed.

So. There ya go. That's the news with me.

What's news with you?


1 Left a message at the beep:

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You have me feeling incredibly grateful right now that D keeps his cramping to himself at night.

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