So . . . I've been building a social life lately. One that includes real live friends. I mean, all you bloggy blog friends are quite nice. But lately I have been craving more.
My social life, so far, includes going to out to dinner with different women I meet. These women I know through my daughter's school. Our kids play together. If we get along, I have invited them out to dinner.
Much talking occurs during these dinners. My conversational style is rusty but getting better. Nothing deep. Well sometimes depth happens. I keep things light and positive. I remember not to read off the script in my head, to listen to what they say and ask follow up questions. I remember to be myself. I remember to smile because in all honesty, these dinners are nice. Fun even.
I am not sure what I am looking for though. I mean, woman are crazy and complicated. Also, I am introspective and a deep thinker. This attracts the same sort of woman. The problem is, deep often means dour. And easily offended. And all crazy sauce too.
Because introspection and higher education breeds poor social skills. Too much living in the head. I realized this a few years ago. So, I took it upon myself to change who I was.
And what I have done, in the last few years, is make myself simpler. I stopped my endless deep thoughts and over analysing everything. I am funnier and lighter. I laugh more and everything is much more awesome.
It's a balance though. A balance between flaming passion and a healthy love of the Muppets.
My last dinner mate did not have this passion. She is unhealthy and talked more than me. I had Hennessy. THAT my good people is an excellent drink to get stoned drunk while on you are not trying to listen to your dinner companion. I got really drunk by the way.
My dinner companion knew the waitress. They were old friends. The waitress was very pretty. Healthy. She talked in positive tones. She smiled. She talked with her hands and her hand gestures were much like mine. She was very cool. Had a cool belt with a faded skull on it. And I got in on some of that.
At one point I winked at her.
bah.
BAH!
Stupid Hennessy. 
bah.
It's like a switch was flipped inside me. I was actively flirting with her. Getting all smooth and in control. This is no good. I am a grown up, I don't need to resort to that. I dialed it back a bit and seemed to genuinely connect with her. I hope so anyway. Cause she is healthy and much more my style. I think I want to be her friend.
SO. My quest for a sustainable social life continues in earnest this month. Despite the dinner companion's unhealthy jibber jabber, she is holding a Bunco night. She is pursing fun. Bunco is a dice game I believe. People go and laugh and talk about shows like Desperate Housewives and Jersey Shore. So I better bone up on those topics. I want to be able to contribute to the merriment after all.
Plus, the waitress will be there.
Wish me luck ;)
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The Character Builder's Bible
7 years ago
19 Left a message at the beep:
"Introspection and higher education breeds poor social skills."
That's that truth I ever heard it!
If you were one of my "guy" friends I'd say, "Get some!" But considering that you are quite female and really nifty I'd have to say, "Get some!"
Savage: Good advice there. Best to just pursue what intrigues you. And she does indeed intrigue me. hee hee hee
Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting. S'long as it remains harmless, ya know. ;)
definitely the waitress...
Earl: baahh . . . no good! I mean, i'm not a playa anymore. ;)
Dex: Say what now?
Interesting that a few posts ago you were discussing if one of your colleagues had hit on you at a party and how uncomfortable you felt and now you yourself are doing a similar thing (in my opinion) with this waitress. I thought part of your disconcerting feelings were based upon being a married woman in a committed monogamous relationship and not just that it was a work companion. Then again, I have no real idea of you and your husband's relationship arrangements and preferences so I am NOT making a moral judgment just an observation. Like most men, I find it quite HOT, stimulating and even tantalizing to consider having a beautiful wife who also crushes on women (giggling). Especially if she is totally open with me about that fact. Please, I am not intending to judge you negatively and have no thought on it as either "right or wrong" but that is the first thought that came to mind as I read this post today. Great post and you stories keep me coming back for more! Happy New Year to you and yours.
Make no mistake Tony, there is nothing even remotely open or swinging about the marriage of Mrs. Hall.So no. No more than two people is enough in the marriage. It would devastate either of us if anything else was the case. ;)
That being said, personal history of using my um, prowess come to the forefront that night. Using one's sexual powers is a false use of power. It's like having a lot of money, it'll attract people but what kind people will it attract?
so no. not even close. Happy new year to you and yours :)
Wow, you are good! How much do you charge an hour for psychological counseling (big wink). So, should I feel any guilt for feeling just a twinge of arousal from your confession post? I'm such a baaaaaaaaad boy ...
Tony:
um. I wrote that follow up comment half asleep, so let me clarify.
I have a personal history of using my sexuality for gain. It is a pattern of manipulation on my part.
It is very easy to get attention if you wear a tight dress, put out and/or act in a sexually open way. There is power in all of the above. It's false power though.
This was me as a young teenager (starting way too early)- early twenties and this was me hurting myself. Basically, the more attention I got, the more I sought it out in those very unhealthy ways.
Again, it's a false sense of power. I mean, sure, people seek you out, and respond to your advances because you put out, but, they are like people who are attracted to you because you have a lot of money. You are just an object, a means to an end.
And an object doesn't need to be treated with respect, be cared for or receive love. It's sad and shallow pattern of relationships. And this was my pattern for way too long.
I did put an end to it in my early 20s. Enough was enough. Time for me to grow up.
I started to realize how sacred my body is. How sacred my love is. How special love making is. I realized that my heart and my body are connected. Sex without love is harmful for me. And I wasn't going to harm myself anymore.
Then I started to realize how much I had to offer and really listened to what I wanted.
Then I realized whoever was going to come into my life had to be worthy. That person was going to have to be very special indeed. I was not going to compromise because I am sacred.
Then I met Mr. Hall and he was the most awesome man I had ever met. He saw and persued all of me. And we married and good lord it's still so fantastic :)
SO
This Hennessy let loose a pattern of using my sexuality for gain. Again, BAH. Again, I could be all manipulative and continue this pattern but I'm a grown up now.
And as I form real friendships, that old pattern of using my sexuality has not place.
But, I am forgiving of myself. After all, I'm starting to realize what I have to offer as a friend. Learning how to do this the right way.
OK Tony...hope that clarifies things. Take care of you and yours :)
sometimes when i want Earl to pay for me when we go to the movies, i wear tight jeans and a halter top.
it works.
p.s. i am going to totally disregard everything you said in these posts and just imagine that you are going bang this waitress. send pics!
Slyde: You go ahead and disregard Slyde!
but pix will cost ya!
;)
Mrs. Hall, honey......SO??? Did she wink back???
Come on, honey! Enquirin' minds want tuh know!!!
um. she was taking the check so um, we both kind of looked down and hmm.. i don't think so ;)
tee hee hee
It could be worse. You could be a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
Scary problem...
WR: HAH! that's what all men say!
and you told me off for weirding you out with my post about Olena's breasts.....?
yeah james...bah...womens are complicated, me especially with the issues here. go ahead and see my second response to tony in the comments for more details here but I am trying to figure out.
but by all accounts, you seem safe and have always been gentlemanly.
:)
Plus you're english and we americans have no fear of your kind.
tee hee
You had me at the Muppets, Mrs.
You had. me. at the. Muppets.
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