Sunday, December 6, 2009

Here's a quandary about women

You would think that me, a person that has conversations for a living, wouldn't be so intimidated by talking with her.

Yet there it is.

When I was talking with her, I found myself repeating bits of small talk I always use. Calling up tried and true stories to get a laugh. Stories to make a quick point and encapsulate who I am. Yet when that was done, I found myself adding bits and pieces and talking too much.

This blog has spoiled me. I don't have to practice any sort of give and take with this conversation. I can talk to you and myself anytime I please. Mostly I talk to me. When I need to, I seek out the other blogs, leave a comment. It's kind of selfish.

But back to her. Last week I made it a point to fill my daughter's social needs. I arranged a playdate. And unexpentantly I found myself curious about the other mom. She sounded relaxed and assured. Kind even. Then she showed up tonight. She is cultured and unique. Has a bit of personality. Kids the same age. Cool hair and calm sense about her. She is like me.

I don't have a great track record when it comes to women friends. I seem to attract the wrong type. Either needy or mean or unstable. I had picked a few good ones when I was living in the big city. But then I left that big city about a year ago.

When I left, I left them. It was ok, we sort of new it was coming. There was really no point in keeping it up. I mean, they don't have kids. I don't anticipate ever going back to the city just to 'visit'. That city is two hours away. So we said goodbyes.

So now my task is to act on the impulse. The impulse of procuring a friendship with this woman. My social skills are a bit rusty due to the two factors noted above.

But tonight, talking to her, the more I talked, the more I talked. I talk WAY TOO much when I am nervous. I go off the written script in my head. I find myself acting even. This is no good. But she lingered. We talked. And talked. About surface things. About simple things but we talked and she was in no hurry to leave when she was picking her daughter up.

If she is who I think she is, then I want to be her friend and I want her to be mine. To take the next step with a guy is easy.

You just lay a big kiss on him.

But that is not what I am interested in.

The next step is having them over for cards. Her and her husband. My first married friend with kids possible friend. Who is cultured and unique. They just relocated from that big city we moved from.

Two blocks away.

No kidding!

So, that's my quandary. How do women know if they have things in common? How do we let each other know if we want to be more than just 'Mom" friends, that we want to be real friends?

jeez! Why are women so complicated?


15 Left a message at the beep:

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

GAH! You know how else I can tell I'm all nervous about this.

I start using REALLY BIG WORDS.

like "procure"


Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, I feel you! It's hard making friends as a "grown up!"
I've even heard women say "I don't need any more friends, I have all the friends I need."
I don't get that.
Good Luck; I hope it works out. We sure do need friends from time to time...

Sue said...

Just be you. I'd be your friend. (I'm sure you'd want to be my friend - totally confident here, huh?)

I think you are a freakin riot and very interesting. Especially your work stories, they kill me sometimes.

You can form a complete sentence and when you write, you can punctuate properly. You are smart.

Gosh, relax. You are wicked cool, you deserve to have this sort of friendship... Yay YOU!!!

Keep us posted.

Big Pissy said...

I agree completely with both the previous comments. :)

Good luck! :)

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Maureen: Hello and welcome to la blog de Senora Hall. I hope you have enjoyed your stay and please come again.

And yes, grown ups . . why do we make making friends so hard :)

Sue: Thank you! Thank you for reminding me that I have something to offer here. I forgot about that ;)

Pissy: Aw thanks Pissy :)

Hank said...

Mrs. someone who has never had trouble making friends, I, too, find the process to be complicated as I age. Maybe it's because the longer we live the more we realize how much work people can be.

All I can say is relax, keep an open mind and don't expect too much.

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I were a dog.

Hank's mom

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

OH Hank's Mom! You said it!

It is really a cost benefit ratio type thing.


Take care and thanks for stopping by ;)

Life With Dogs said...

My wife would love this post - I'll send her a link. She has far better luck with male friends. I won't tell you why she believes that to be the case or I'll be ostracized. :)

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

LWD: Wow, your are the nicest new follower ;)

By all means, spread the love that is Mrs. Hall :)

Bruce said...

I hate to say this....but you are sounding a lot like..........BETTY DRAPER.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Bruce: I am absolutely SWIMMING in that show right now! Every chance I have I watch an episode. I'm obsessed!

Even wore a lovely sweater dress with pearls to the office today, it's like 25 degrees and we got 4 inches of snow BUT DAMMIT I look fabu!

so yes, one can't help but absorb with what we are surrounded by . . .


Candy's daily Dandy said...

I know, it's so true!!!

I just met a woman that I like. She's funny and nice and needy and I am facinated by the drama that surrounds her. I kinda want to be her friend, and I kinda think she wants to be mine.

I'ts not creepy or weird, I think we just need to learn how cultivate a new friendship. When you meet someone new and you hit it off, you know it immediately.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Women ARE complicated. Adult woman are REALLLLY complicated. I hope the new friendhsip works out.


Fragrant Liar said...

Women just take things a step at a time, feeling our way through the jungle blindfolded. We know when it's right though, and that's when friendships can really be amazing and feed our souls. Good luck.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

CDC, JJ and Stinky liar: Thanks ladies! :)

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