Ok, well, breaking the 4th wall is creepy

Last night we all went out for a Christmas Drink, the coworkers and I. I fared quite well. People who work in mental health are odd by default. It is good to be among your own people. There was much laughing and politically incorrect humor.

It got me thinking though.

Work friends aren't real friends. Well, no not really. And dammit. I like laughing and being with people. So, inspired by a comment I left on Slyde's blog, I looked up if there were any bloggers from the city where I live. Actually, I punched in the bigger city that is next to my city.

DAMN!!!!

Freaking 692 blogs.

The kids are almost up from their naps and I don't have time to really wade through them yet but eek!

Ya see, I am a minority. I am cultured and am well, a bit different in general. I am like able but, a bit introspective and shy. In other words, typically cerebral writer type girl. So, as I freakin' seek to make some freakin' friends in this town, perhaps I should use the blogosphere to expand my fishing pool.

Good to see that there are other bloggers in North Dakota. Oh wait, don't I live in Alaska? I enjoyed the week I lived in Florida the best. Has noone noticed I change my location every so often ;)

hee hee

Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing?

:)

Hold on, gotta get my un-shy on first

Jeff is now living here three-four days a week. WEE-HEE for me and ours! Too bad for the blog here. She suffers, this blog. She misses my daily posts. But she doesn't touch my boobies so nana na na na!

Went to the children's museum on Saturday. I must say, the kid's museum up here, in this semi small town is actually nicer than the one we use to go to. It's bigger, more room for the kids to run around, touching things, running headlong into people their own size. Lots of little kid on kid fun.

And like most kid museums, there is a play area shaped like a little restaurant. Complete with faux soda fountains, plastic ovens and spongy counter seats. There is an area for the costumers (a.k.a. Moms and Dads) where they can be waited on by eager 6-10 year olds. They cook the plastic food and rush it over to the table. I am telling you people, Moms and Dads can sit for 34-43 minutes, being waited on over and over.

THIS IS BRILLIANT!!! BRILLIANT I SAY!!!

Whoever decided this should be part of any and all kid's museums, well, seriously, I would like to buy them a drink! They should get a million dollars or something. After all, there is no other time in my parenting career where I have sat for 34-43 minutes while the kids were awake. Let alone serving me faux food. ;)

Yet here is the dilemma. Jeff often chases the wee Mac during these times. As do most Dads. Which leaves the Moms. We are all slightly over educated, stylish and have brown hair. And this Saturday, it was me and another Mom. I smiled at her, perhaps made small talk to put her at ease. After all, her daughter was sort of, um, bossing Pancake around. Which is fine really, Pancake enjoys being the helper and can stand up for herself if needs be.

I have a great smile.

And um, this other Mom, she responded. And I fucking shut down like a goddamn baby turtle. I stopped making eye contact. I purposefully avoided more talking. She did offer more. She made a joke even!

I wonder if this is what guy's go through. Figuring out how to talk to other women. Man it must suck. At least I have an idea of what to say. I am a girl afterall. But dag nammit!

I remembered my promise to knock this off. This shyness. After all, I deserve to make friends, to have lunch at restaurants that don't have menus you can color on, with people I don't have to threaten with a time out.

hmmm

Well, Jeff did buy a membership to the kid's museum. He has instructed me we are going EVERYWEEKEND! So next time.

Next time. I will get my un-shy on and say something. You mark my words!

When all else fails...web cam to the rescue

Part of the reality of being a parent to a 2 & 6 year old, is energy expenditure. Even when I am exhausted, sick, crappy and sore, the kids have needs. Needs like breakfast, teeth brushed, setting up coloring stations, diaper changes, hair braiding, song singing, book reading, time outs and time to freak out. They can, to varying degrees, accomplish some of these tasks on their own. But they are small, they need me, their Mom.

My own needs, like reading the Sunday paper, brushing my teeth, drinking my coffee, putting make up on, blinking, getting dressed and pooping are often secondary. These tasks are accomplished in concert with the kids' needs. They get done mind you, but only after the kids are settled. My own needs are often accomplished in fits and starts. Their needs interrupt my daily self care tasks. With two busy kids, and one Mom, it can get kind of rough.

So let's revisit the reading of the Sunday paper. This was what my mom was doing on Sunday morning. I was ping-ponging with the kids, wiping noses, making oatmeal, getting juice, fetching socks . . . While my mom was reading the Sunday paper, from start to finish. There was no interruption of her reading the paper. Which is fine. I think.

It is not that she took no notice of my struggle, it is just that she was reading the paper. From start to finish.

The breaking point was when I talked about using filtered water for their juice. Ya see, I don't like the kids to have juice/milk between meals. I like for them to have water only. Only the water in this town is absolutely yucky tasting. So I buy generic crystal light and the kids drink it. Only my son's poops have been turning bright green and well, that's no good. I figure it's the high mineral content and the artificial coloring that comes with the drink mix. They have had drink mix back at our house and well, no green poops.

So, I say, "Hey Mom, let's make the drink mix with filtered water okay?"

"LOOK! YOU DO IT YOUR WAY AND YOUR FATHER AND I WILL DO IT OUR WAY! NOW LET ME FINISH MY PAPER! NOW BACK OFF!"

In case you didn't get it by reading the caps there, she said this very angrily. Very, STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. Very don't bother me I am reading the paper.

I realize that this outburst is not really about the filtered water. We are all tired and getting on each other's nerves. I have certain ways of doing things and they have the other way. So in my head, I take a deep breath and clear my throat. Underneath all of this. I have to adjust my expectations.

I can expect and be thankful for them dropping the kids off and picking them up. I can expect them to change the occasional diaper, reading books to the kids, putting on videos for the kids. I can expect them to do all the laundry and some meals. Although, their idea of 'food' is suspect and I am starting to take over the whole deal. But what they do is completely their choice and idea. Asking them to anything more is, well, asking for trouble.

What I cannot expect is emotional support. I cannot expect them to see me struggling and react the way I want them to. They will not put their arms around me and say, "Holly, it will be alright." or "Hey Holly, why don't we take the kids somewhere so you can get a nap." or "Hey Holly, let me color with the kids so you can finish your coffee in the other room". I hate to break it to you all, but it ain't gonna happen.

This is very sad at times. They suck. But, it is what it is.

What is a girl to do?

WEB CAM!!!