Oh Christmas tree, fake Christmas tree . . . .

When Mr. Hall and I started dating, we bought a used Christmas tree. It was ugly and full of webs. We vacummed and loved it. Our first Christmas tree. Some 14 years ago. (aww!!)

Several moves later I got a hankering for a real tree. Mr. Hall as having none of it. "We have a tree. When we've put it up more times then the of number times I've moved it--then we'll get a real one!"

The magic number was four by the way. The tree needed to be up four times before we could get a real tree. I don't think we waited that long though. We bought a real tree this year. It was a great adventure--taking all the kids out and hunting for a real tree.

There is something about my husband that wants to see things through. That once he puts effort in, he'll hold tight and settle in. He has endurance.

I've seen these traits while hunting for a new house. I've seen it with the Christmas tree. I see it now with our foster kids.

We just took 30 hours of foster parent training and boy are my arms tired! Wait! That's not the right joke! We did take 30 hours of foster parent training though. And that is a lot!!!!

The moms of our 2 foster kids are falling the frick apart. Despite many opportunities, services and lots of things handed to them--they aren't doing well. It comes down to their stupid choices. And I'm in no mood to be non-judgemental right now, God forgive me.

But, just like everything else in fosterhood, the next steps take time. People ask, "Why don't you just adopt the kids?" It is not that simple. The moms still have chances. And if the moms are out of chances, the foster kid's family gets asked to adopt first.

Which irritates me. If the other family members were able take care of them, then what the hell have we been doing this past year? This past year (and plus some) we've been tying shoes, making meals, cleaning clothes, wiping noses, reading school reports, addressing behaviors and being mom and dad.

I say to Mr. Hall, "We've put in all this work and now we don't get the reward!"

He says, "The reward is not more kids! The reward is a vacation in the Florida Keys. COSTA RICA MAYBE!! We need a vacation! Which we can't take until we hand these kids back to their moms!"

Which makes sense. The weight of caring for five children is a lot. We are sleep deprived and needy for each other.

But yet... my selfishness. It grows. The need for these kids outweighs my intellect. My knowing family is best for these kids. It doesn't stop my heart from breaking. So sad. So sad.

I say this to Mr. Hall, wanting to adopt these kids. He says, "I want to be a foster parent longer then it took to take those dang classes!"

Just like the Christmas tree . . . :)