Questions and answers

1. First off, why the hell can't I move the items at the bottom of the main page. My profile, my recent visitor and such are all suppose to be next to my posts NOT UNDER IT. But, no matter how many times I go to 'layout' and try to fix it, it never gets back to the way it was.

Anyone have any ideas?


1. My posts over at the Bonez site have prompted some questions. Questions from readers in real life and blog life. Questions best answered.

The posts: Mrs. Hall loses it: Part one, Mrs. Hall loses it: Part two

As I explained to Lotus07: Truth be told, it is my 'homework' from my counselor I saw while losing the weight. Also, I hadn't written anything for 10 years prior to this journal. And after I wrote this journal, I started this blog.

I don't believe the journals belong on this blog. They don't feel right being here. But, I believe they needed light. And if they inspire others (my hope) that would be awesome. Either way, they do no good just sitting here on my hard drive.

But, the story goes back a few weeks before the first journal entry. It involves Mr. Hall. Here is us a few months ago. I am the one in the brown jacket.

 

Here is me doing the yoga pose "Standing Bow". The goal is to pull your arm with your leg, like pulling a bow. And I do love that brown jacket. I am just tickled that I get to wear it again. It is such a stylish number. And I loove the jeans. In fact just wore those today!

 

Back to the back story to those journals.

One day I had decided to begin eating chocolate chips out of the bag. Now, I have a low tolerance for such rich food. And I am hypersensitive to caffeine. Yet, I pounded a two pound bag over 14 hours or so. Fist full after fistful. I was very covert about it. Mr. Hall didn't know anything. And I knew it would make me very sick and very wired. But I did it anyway.

This was the last act in an increasingly self-destructive pattern with me. I had begun to hide food from Mr. Hall and binge. My weight was getting out of control. I think I just came to a breaking point with that bag of chips. I threw my hands up and sought out a counselor.

As I started to lose the weight, I started to get angry. I was reconnecting with a body I long forgotten to care for. And the body was pissed!

It was ugly and very hard to deal with. Mr. Hall was at my side, as always, holding me. Turns out, he had known about the chips all along. He just didn't know how to help. But, just being there is all the help I needed. The real help was listening to my counselor, writing the journals and going to weight watchers. Yoga helped the most.

Overall, what I learned the most is this:

If women are to choose a battlefield to war with the world, they will first choose their bodies.

That's a Mrs. Hall original statement up there.

And as I lost the weight and went through all that came with reconnecting my heart body and mind, I got stronger than I ever imagined.

So take heart.

It gets worse before it gets better with those journals.

But, no pain, no gain.

(That's not an original saying ;)

If you want to get all up close with this issue, click here.

Good Yoga is like Good love

The nuts and bolts of my yoga love include losing 35 pounds and getting in touch with things. It is a 5 month journey that included sobbing and touching a lot of places unseen. This was a big surprise to me, since I thought the stuff about chakras was a bunch of hippy bullshit.

The sobbing though, that sucked. I had started yoga to exercise without being a gerbil on a treadmill. The first thing I noticed in the class was the mirrors. Again, I had lost 35 lbs. But I didn't have a full length mirror at my house. So, there I was, suddenly smoking hot.

And for most, this is a plea sent sensation. For me, it was a sound of alarm. It's true what they say, overeating is a sign of eating one's emotions. And now my emotions, my subterfuge, my blanket of fat and carbs was pulled away.

To add lights to my siren was the poses themselves. I practice the bikrahm yoga. The hot sweaty yoga. And I was not prepared for what deep breathing and holding postures does to you. I found myself becoming overcome with this pervasive sense of despair and sadness. It lived and breathed in me. It got bigger with each pose, with each twist. The floor poses almost killed me.

Yet I had nothing to be sad about. Make no mistake, I love my life. I love Mr. Hall Pancake and Mac-n-Cheese are the awesome planets that I orbit. So what the heck? Why the overwhelming urge to sob?

And I did what all over educated women do, read about it. And analyze it. And fight it with words and deep thoughts. But, for the first time in my life, I couldn't talk my way out of a icky situation. I had to let it out. And really, I knew what this was about. Things get trapped if you don't process them. The fester and get uglier as they take residence inside. I work with this every day with my patients. Of course I knew what the fuck was going on.

So I let it out one session. Cried and freaked the heck out. And then I took a long 3 month break.

And I went back this week and worked those poses like a bat out of hell. It felt good to be home.

But man, I am still limping two days later.

Well, I suppose, like good love, good yoga makes you walk funny.

:)

Mrs. Hall