Monday, June 3, 2013

Bush Pee-ers and Getting high in Amsterdam

I have a large amount of unused mental energy. Left unused it grows agitated and circular.

I like to think about things and talk it over with Mr. Hall. Sadly, the grind of having 5 kids yields no intricate fodder. After all, how many times can you discuss "WHEN WILL MAC WIPE HIMSELF WITHOUT MISSING HALF THE STUFF? HE'S SIX FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?" Seriously. We got called to the school about this. We had to bring new undies and pants. And wet wipes. LAWD LAWD LAWD.

That being said, at least he doesn't pee in the bushes like my friend's 10 year old son did. In front of my 10 year old daughter. She was running around with a gang of boys (the bush pee-er being one of them). They were cutting across a neighbor's yard. So ya know, no need for a bathroom when a bush is right there. My daughter thought it was the funniest thing ON.THE.PLANET. Thankfully, she didn't see anything. Not that it matters, she has two brothers. See "it" would be nothing new for her.

My life people. It's like a giant game of whack a mole.

So. When I talk to my beloved, I'm reduced to random thoughts that get all circular and repeaty.


(on the way the church, with a full head of steam) "Lottery tickets are complete scams. You have a dollar and some hope but nothing powerball ever works out!! It's SUCH A SCAM!!! They should all be put in jail, I mean, they're selling false hope! Just like those books at the las vegas airport, on how to win at slot machines. Stupid lottery system!!! YOU JUST CAN'T WIN!!!"

(in an email exchange). "Looks like the birth mothers (of our two foster kids) are getting their act together. So, they might be transitioning back to their real home. Which, in all honestly, I have mixed feelings about. I think the mothers are ok, just stupid in the life choices brain department. But, we've spent a lot of time/energy/tears/sweat/praying to make these kids better. It's like we're the potty training camp you send your dogs too. Only we're the camp and I would like a thank you.

It'll probably never happen that so I'll just let it go. :)"

(after he gave me some wine in a to go cup) BECAUSE I NEED MY BOOZE IN A TO GO CUP BECAUSE I'M STILL CHASING THE KIDS AROUND AND I'M A SPILLER. AND DON'T JUDGE ME. FOUR OF THEM WERE IN BED AND THE BABY WAS 3/4th OF THE WAY TO SLEEP. "I'll need to rinse this out before work, like really well... I don't want to have any wine in my coffee. Like that time someone gave me a pot pipe and said there might be some meth on it. So I opened it up and scrubbed it really well. Got all the black goop out. I didn't want any meth getting in me!!

I think I used the pot pipe like twice and nothing ever happened. I got high in Amsterdam though. It was in the common room at a hostel. Across the room was a batman pinball machine and I remember the joker's voice floating above the machine. Like disembodied.

When I retire we'll have to smoke hash. It was less coughy if I remember. I wonder how you make that. I'll have to wikipedia it."

Then, in my inner thought voice I thought, I have about 25 more years until retirement. WHICH IS WHY I DREAM OF WINNING THE LOTTERY WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO RANDOM THOUGHT NUMBER ONE.


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