Somewhere in the middle of the night, my husband's brain sent ten thousand signals to his leg. Each signal screaming , "CRAMP DAMMIT!! CRAMP LIKE THE WIND!!! CRAMP THE CRAP OUT OF HIS CALF!!"
Now, this was not my brain. My brain was sending different signals. Some of which included, "CAN YOU BELIEVE RIVER IS SLEEPING??!! HE'S ONLY 12 WEEKS!! I MEAN, IT'S 3 AM, MAYBE YOU SHOULD WAKE UP AND GO CHECK ON HIM."
Which is how I found myself half asleep noticing my husband writhing and twisting next to me.
"Cramp . . . left leg. . . CRAMP!!" he yell muttered.
"Whaaa?" I mumbled.
"LEG... MESSAGE MY LEG, IT'S CRAMPING!!"
So, naturally I reached for his shoulder and began to squeeze it.
"NO!! MY LEFT LEG"
I reached for an arm. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was his left and my right. And try as I might I began to fall back asleep.
"HOLLY!!! THE.LEFT.LEG!! THE CALF!!", he full on yelled. And started to punch my leg. As if to demonstrate where a leg is.
"Jeez, settle down! You'll wake the baby!", I murmured.
I finally figured out where his left calf was. It felt horrible. Like the muscle was trying to taco outward from the bone. But, it was too late by then. The cramp was dying and the only thing left was after pains. Which doesn't feel good when rubbed.
"We were talking about family and how we are all different but all part of GOD's family. That with GOD we can always talk to him even if we don't see him. It's not like you have use the telephone.
M went on to say my big family that's all together love me all the time even when i'm not there. Pancake (my other sister reads to me) Mac shares his toys, my other baby River smiles at me. My other dad friend plays cars with me, gives me snacks, hugs me and tells me he misses me. Pancake's mom let's me hug the baby and calls me honey. My Pancake's daddy hugs me when I go to bed and never yells at me....he hold's my hand too and not too hard. It was sweet to hear what the kiddos version of love and family was."
Let me start by saying, I love me some family. This is why we foster family.
A few days ago I was struggling. Struggling with my foster Mom responsibilities. We have a foster kid on the weekends and he can be a handful. He has some behavioral issues that I can't bend or mold them because he only listens to my husband. We can't discipline him like our own kids because he's not.
One of the big issues is the fighting between him and my kids. It was RIDICULOUS THIS WEEKEND. My kids don't fight, they have a dyad that works well for them. My older daughter is in charge and my middle son follows. It works great.
But, when the foster guy comes it's contentious. They fight over the Wii, they fight over leggos. They fight because it's winter and can't go to the park. They fight over breakfast, lunch and dinner. They fight like brothers and sisters and it drives me nuts.
After one fight, I told my daughter to leave the room. If she's not in charge-she gets all worked up and starts to cry. I think the chaos of not controlling everything makes her world spin too fast. SHUT UP. I REALIZE THIS IS MY PROBLEM TOO. So I sent her to her room to cool off.
I brought the little foster guy up to her room and he apologized and she apologized. I said to him, "You can give Pancake a hug if you want." But my daughter was having none of it. So, I said to him, "You can hug me and pretend it's her." Then he said, "That's what I do with my Mommy. She's behind glass at the jail so I pretend to hug her when I see her."
OH MY GOD. SERIOUSLY. WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT?!!!
It crushed me and made me realize that I'm being way too selfish here. This isn't about me or my kids. There is no dividing line between my kid and my foster kid. We are all children of God. I need to share the joy and love I've been given.
And make the Wii disappear. That device causes way too many fights!